2 Samuel 13

You Reap What You Sow

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34 But Absalom fled. And the young man who kept the watch lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, many people were coming from the road behind him by the side of the mountain. 35 And Jonadab said to the king, “Behold, the king’s sons have come; as your servant said, so it has come about.” 36 And as soon as he had finished speaking, behold, the king’s sons came and lifted up their voice and wept. And the king also and all his servants wept very bitterly.

37 But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son day after day. 38 So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years. 39 And the spirit of the king longed to go out to Absalom, because he was comforted about Amnon, since he was dead. – 2 Samuel 13:34-39 ESV

Three times in just seven verses the words, “Absalom fled” appear. It’s almost as if the author is trying to make a point. Amnon was dead but Absalom got away. David wept at the news but Absalom got away. David mourned while Absalom got away. He had arranged for and accomplished the murder of his half-brother Amnon and, literally, got away with it. He killed the rightful heir to the throne and lived to tell about it. No troops were sent to pursue him. In fact, no action was taken to bring him to justice.

One might suggest that David was too busy mourning the death of Amnon to do anything about his fugitive son Absalom. But it would appear that David’s grief was not focused on Amnon’s death but on Absalom’s dastardly deed and disappearance. In a sense, David had lost two sons. When it came to death, David had a unique perspective. We see it in his reaction to the death of the infant son born to him and Bathsheba. Upon receiving news that his son had passed, “David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions, and changed his clothes. He went to the Tabernacle and worshiped the Lord. After that, he returned to the palace and was served food and ate” (2 Samuel 12:20 NLT).

When David noticed that his servants were surprised by the sudden change in his demeanor, David informed them, “I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, ‘Perhaps the Lord will be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me” (2 Samuel 12:21-22 NLT).

David seems to take this same attitude with the death of Amnon. He was gone and nothing David did would ever bring him back. But, for David, the loss of Absalom was even more painful because he was still alive. Yet, David knew that he couldn’t just invite Absalom back into the family as if nothing had happened. As king, David had a responsibility to enact justice and hold his son accountable for his actions. If Absalom were to return, he would have to die for the murder of Amnon. So, David did nothing. Leaving Absalom in exile allowed him to live but for David, he was as good as dead. So, he mourned and he wept, day after day. He had lost two sons in one tragic incident.

But the saddest part of this entire story is that David could have prevented all of it from happening. Had he dealt with Amnon’s rape of Tamar by fulfilling the law of God and dispensing justice, Absalom would not have been forced to seek revenge. David’s passive parenting style ended up causing more pain in the long run. His refusal to deal with Amnon by disciplining him appropriately left Absalom frustrated by the lack of justice in his own home. His younger sister had been raped and humiliated, but nothing had been done to punish the guilty party.

For three years, David allowed his son to remain safely ensconced in Geshur, a region northeast of the Sea of Galilee, where Absalom found refuge among his mother’s people. According to 2 Samuel 3:3, she was “the daughter of Talmai king of Geshur.” During his exile, Absalom was probably treated as royalty, enjoying all the privileges that come with being the grandson of the king. But during Absalom’s absence, David’s heart went out after him; he missed Absalom and longed to see him. But he knew that if he brought Absalom back, he would have to do the right thing and punish him for what he had done. So David did nothing. As a parent, he excused his son’s behavior. As a king, let a murderer escape justice. Yet, in the Book of Deuteronomy, Moses provided God’s very clear guidelines regarding justice.

You shall appoint judges and officers in all your towns that the Lord your God is giving you, according to your tribes, and they shall judge the people with righteous judgment. You shall not pervert justice. You shall not show partiality, and you shall not accept a bribe, for a bribe blinds the eyes of the wise and subverts the cause of the righteous. Justice, and only justice, you shall follow, that you may live and inherit the land that the Lord your God is giving you. – Deuteronomy 16:18-20 ESV

There was to be no perverting of justice and no partiality in terms of its application. By refusing to pursue and punish Absalom, David had violated both aspects of God’s command. As king, David would have been familiar with these laws and he would have known what was expected of him. The Book of Deuteronomy goes on to explain how the king of Israel was to familiarize himself with all of God’s laws.

And when he sits on the throne of his kingdom, he shall write for himself in a book a copy of this law, approved by the Levitical priests. And it shall be with him, and he shall read in it all the days of his life, that he may learn to fear the Lord his God by keeping all the words of this law and these statutes, and doing them, that his heart may not be lifted up above his brothers, and that he may not turn aside from the commandment, either to the right hand or to the left, so that he may continue long in his kingdom, he and his children, in Israel. – Deuteronomy 17:18-20 ESV

David knew what God required, but refused to do it. He had conveniently ignored God’s command because it conflicted with his own sense of fairness. He couldn’t bring himself to mete out justice to his own son. If you recall, when Nathan confronted David about his sin with Bathsheba, he told a story about a rich man abusing and taking advantage of a poor man. David had no problem showing righteous indignation and demanding justice when it involved someone else’s transgression. But when it involved his own son, David remained silent.

The law of God was clear concerning murder. Again, the Book of Deuteronomy provides explicit instructions on how to deal with those who commit murder.

But if anyone hates his neighbor and lies in wait for him and attacks him and strikes him fatally so that he dies, and he flees into one of these cities, then the elders of his city shall send and take him from there, and hand him over to the avenger of blood, so that he may die. Your eye shall not pity him, but you shall purge the guilt of innocent blood from Israel, so that it may be well with you. – Deuteronomy 19:11-13 ESV

The guilty party was to be given no refuge, shown no pity, and provided with no special treatment, even if he was a son of the king. David was obligated by law to purge the guilt of innocent blood from Israel. But he refused to do so – for three years.

In his letter to the Galatian believers, Paul gave a warning against sowing to the flesh; in other words, giving in to what our sinful nature wants us to do.

Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption… – Galatians 6:7-8 ESV

In sinning with Bathsheba, David had sowed to his own flesh. He had given in to his base desires and committed an unlawful act. Then he followed it up by having Bathsheba’s husband murdered to cover up his actions. While God forgave David for his sins, David still had to suffer the consequences they created. The infant son born to him and Bathsheba died as a result of their adulterous affair. Not only that, David was told that, as a result of his sin, the sword would not depart from his house. There would be trouble and conflict within his own home, not just his kingdom.

Then Amnon raped Tamar, which led to Absalom killing Amnon. Now Absalom was living in exile, guilty of murder and deserving of death. Through it all, David did nothing. He remained silent and inactive. He was the king and the final arbiter of justice for the kingdom, but he refused to do his job, and his inaction would reap the whirlwind. Things would get worse before they got better. David could ignore the will of God, but he could not escape the justice of God. He could refuse to do what God called him to do, but God would ensure that His justice was not perverted. God would not be mocked.

Yet, how often do we think we can get away with murder – not literally, but figuratively? We think we can sin, seek forgiveness, and then escape any repercussions for our sins. We wrongly believe we can simply ignore our sins and still enjoy God’s blessings on our lives. We know what He would have us do, but we choose our will over His, then wonder why things don’t turn out as expected. God will not be mocked, by the king or anyone else. Passivity to sin is always dangerous. It is a cancer that spreads, ultimately bringing death and destruction. To ignore it is to invite further pain and suffering into our lives. What we reap, we will always sow.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Deadly Result of Sin and Silence

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20 And her brother Absalom said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? Now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this to heart.” So Tamar lived, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom’s house. 21 When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. 22 But Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had violated his sister Tamar.

23 After two full years Absalom had sheepshearers at Baal-hazor, which is near Ephraim, and Absalom invited all the king’s sons. 24 And Absalom came to the king and said, “Behold, your servant has sheepshearers. Please let the king and his servants go with your servant.” 25 But the king said to Absalom, “No, my son, let us not all go, lest we be burdensome to you.” He pressed him, but he would not go but gave him his blessing. 26 Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us.” And the king said to him, “Why should he go with you?” 27 But Absalom pressed him until he let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him. 28 Then Absalom commanded his servants, “Mark when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon,’ then kill him. Do not fear; have I not commanded you? Be courageous and be valiant.” 29 So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and each mounted his mule and fled.

30 While they were on the way, news came to David, “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons, and not one of them is left.” 31 Then the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the earth. And all his servants who were standing by tore their garments. 32 But Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, said, “Let not my lord suppose that they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons, for Amnon alone is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day he violated his sister Tamar. 33 Now therefore let not my lord the king so take it to heart as to suppose that all the king’s sons are dead, for Amnon alone is dead.” – 2 Samuel 13:20-33 ESV

In a relatively short time and with the help of more than a half-dozen different women, David sired a host of children who eventually grew up and lived with him in the royal residence in Jerusalem. These adult sons and daughters from different mothers created a uniquely blended family unit in which the potential for sibling rivalries and domestic disputes would be off the charts. It’s difficult to imagine David’s many wives getting along as they jockeyed to become the king’s favorite, and their maternal instincts to protect and promote their own children must have produced a great deal of tension within the walls of the royal compound.

As the opening verses of chapter 13 disclosed, this far-from-idyllic atmosphere became an incubator for unexpected trouble in David’s home as one of his sons, driven by lust, raped his half-sister. This violent act by Amnon was premeditated and carried out with the assistance of David, who unwittingly sent Tamar to care for her “sick” brother. It was all a ruse and a carefully crafted plot by Amnon to get his sister alone so he could take advantage of her – and his plan worked.

Having been forcefully violated and robbed of her virginity, the humiliated Tamar went into mourning. Her disheveled state and cries of despair didn’t go unnoticed by her blood-brother, Absalom. But it seems that her father was too busy to notice or chose to turn a blind eye to what had happened under his watch.

It was only after Tamar sought refuge in Absalom’s home that David became aware of the matter. The text flatly states, “When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry” (2 Samuel 13:21 ESV). He was incensed by what he heard but he took no action. A crime had been committed under the roof of his home but he chose to ignore it. His own daughter had been raped by her half-brother, yet David chose to do nothing about it. 

Yet God had given clear instructions regarding incest.

If a man takes his sister, a daughter of his father or a daughter of his mother, and sees her nakedness, and she sees his nakedness, it is a disgrace, and they shall be cut off in the sight of the children of their people. He has uncovered his sister’s nakedness, and he shall bear his iniquity. – Leviticus 20:17 ESV

The only thing unclear about this passage is the exact meaning of the phrase, “shall be cut off.” The Hebrew word has a wide range of meanings and can refer to everything from excommunication from the assembly to actual execution. But there is little doubt that God expected action to be taken in the case of incest. Yet, in the story of Amnon’s rape of Tamar, David, the king of Israel takes no action. Perhaps he was reluctant to deal with Amnon because his sin reminded him of his own affair with Bathsheba. He too, had taken what was not his to have. It could also be the case that, as the eldest son, Amnon was considered to be the heir to David’s throne. But regardless of the reason or David’s rationale, he was in the wrong for refusing to carry out God’s command.

It’s interesting to note that after her humiliation by Amnon, Tamar didn’t go directly to her father. She didn’t seek his help or ask him for vindication. It was Absalom who took note of her mourning and came to her aid, offering her solace and a safe place to recover from the physical and psychological trauma of her experience. Was her reluctance to turn to her own father in her time of need because she feared she would receive neither sympathy nor revenge?  We can only conjecture, but it does raise questions regarding David’s relationships with his children. The only emotion he displays in this story is anger, but it never takes the form of action. Life went on as usual. Amnon was never “cut off” and Tamar was never avenged. In fact, two years passed before any kind of justice was meted out and David would have nothing to do with it.

David’s pattern of inaction and avoidance would create a perfect storm within his household. After two years, David had moved on. He had put the whole affair in the rearview mirror. But while David had chosen to ignore and then forget the sin of Amnon, Absalom brooded, planned, and plotted his revenge. He hated Amnon for what he had done to Tamar. He was also far from happy with his father’s handling of the entire affair. Absalom held a grudge against David for his refusal to punish Amnon for his transgression. He had lost respect for David as a father and as a king and, as the sordid story unfolds, Absalom will eventually stage a coup to take his father’s throne.

But after two years of waiting for his father to do the right thing, Absalom took matters into his own hands and plotted the death of Amnon. It was a well-thought-out plan that utilized deception, just as Amnon had done in his rape of Tamar. Following Amnon’s script, Absalom concocted an elaborate lie to get David to play a role in his deception. He told his father he was planning a feast to celebrate the annual sheering of the sheep. Absalom included David in the invitation but seems to have known that his father would decline the offer because of his duties as the king. Initially, David was a bit surprised and suspicious that Absalom had specifically requested Amnon’s presence. He obviously knew there was bad blood between the two of them and asked, “Why should he go with you?” (2 Samuel 13:26 ESV). But under pressure from Absalom, David finally agreed and sent all his sons to Baal-hazor – a decision he would soon regret.

Absalom commanded his servants, “Wait until Amnon gets drunk; then at my signal, kill him! Don’t be afraid. I’m the one who has given the command. Take courage and do it!” (2 Samuel 13:28 NLT). These instructions should sound vaguely familiar. When David wanted to get rid of Uriah so he could marry Bathsheba, he gave Joab the following instructions:

“Station Uriah on the front lines where the battle is fiercest. Then pull back so that he will be killed.” – 2 Samuel 11:15 NLT

When the deed had been done, he followed up with a second message to Joab: “‘Well, tell Joab not to be discouraged,’ David said. ‘The sword devours this one today and that one tomorrow! Fight harder next time, and conquer the city!’” (2 Samuel 11:25 NLT).

Like his father, Absalom chose to use someone else to do his dirty work. He would not bloody his own hands but was more than willing to take the responsibility for Amnon’s death. Both he and his father displayed a disturbing disregard for what they had done.

In all the confusion after Amnon’s death, David received erroneous news that all of his sons had been killed. His immediate reaction was to tear his clothes and fall on the ground in grief. He mourned but he took no action. He displayed grief and sorrow but did nothing to deal with the matter.

It was Jonadab, David’s nephew, who informed him of what had happened.

“No, don’t believe that all the king’s sons have been killed! It was only Amnon! Absalom has been plotting this ever since Amnon raped his sister Tamar.” – 2 Samuel 13:32 NLT

Jonadab had a reason to rat on Absalom. He was Amnon’s friend and the one who had given him the bright idea of how to lure Tamar into his room so he could rape her (2 Samuel 13:3-5). He most likely feared for his own life, believing that Absalom might come after him next. Jonadab stressed the news that only Amnon was dead and made sure David knew that Absalom had been plotting his death for two years. This news should have spurred David to action but, as the rest of the chapter will reveal, David did nothing. The very next verse reveals that Absalom got away – not only with the murder of his brother but with his own life.

When the prophet Nathan confronted David for his sin with Bathsheba, one of the things he said to him was, “From this time on, your family will live by the sword because you have despised me by taking Uriah’s wife to be your own” (2 Samuel 12:10 NLT). This statement could be taken as a prophecy regarding the wars that would plague the descendants of David. The kings of Judah and Israel would spend centuries fighting their enemies but also one another. But Nathan’s words also foretell of the inner strife that would plague David’s household; perfectly and painfully illustrated by Absalom’s murder of Amnon.

Nathan’s reference to the sword and David’s house has to do with the battles that would take place within his own family. This would not be the last death of a family member that David would have to endure. He would live to mourn the death of Absalom. But even after David’s own death, the curse on his house would continue. At the end of Solomon’s reign, the kingdom he inherited from his father would be divided, followed by centuries of infighting between the descendants of David and the rest of the tribes of Israel. This centuries-long period would be filled with assassinations, deception, palace intrigue, and a revolving door of kings.

So, David’s sin and God’s punishment for that sin were going to have long-term implications both in David’s household, within his royal house, and between the tribes of Judah.

What would have happened had David dealt with Amnon’s rape of Tamar? How could things have turned out differently had David stepped up and done what was right? Now, his heir to the throne was dead and another son was in exile. To make matters worse, David made no attempt to bring Absalom back to face the consequences of his actions. Once again, David’s inaction would lead to further trouble in his household and within his kingdom.

Sin, left unattended and unconfessed is dangerous in the life of a believer. But it is just as dangerous to ignore sin within the family of God. We may choose to tolerate it or sweep it under the carpet, but sin always has consequences. David was a father and the king of Israel. He had responsibilities to his family and his people; he answered to God for the health and well-being of both.

God is not one to tolerate or take sin lightly. Amnon paid for his sin. In time, Absalom would have to face the consequences of his actions. But what might have happened had David stepped up and done what he was supposed to do? Could this story have had a different ending if David had obeyed God and fulfilled his role as a father and king? The consequences for neglecting sin are far from negligible. Failure to treat sin seriously always has serious consequences. As Numbers 32:23 states, “if you fail to keep your word, then you will have sinned against the LORD, and you may be sure that your sin will find you out.”

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

One Sin Leads to Another

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1 Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. 2 And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her. 3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. And Jonadab was a very crafty man. 4 And he said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” 5 Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’” 6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. And when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.”

7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go to your brother Amnon’s house and prepare food for him.” 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, where he was lying down. And she took dough and kneaded it and made cakes in his sight and baked the cakes. 9 And she took the pan and emptied it out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, “Send out everyone from me.” So everyone went out from him. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the chamber, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. 11 But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” 12 She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. 13 As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” 14 But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.

15 Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up! Go!” 16 But she said to him, “No, my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me.” But he would not listen to her. 17 He called the young man who served him and said, “Put this woman out of my presence and bolt the door after her.” 18 Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. 19 And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went. – 2 Samuel 13:1-19 ESV

In this chapter, we will see yet another ugly consequence of David’s disobedience to the commands of God. He had been forgiven by God for his sins, but that did not mean he would face no consequences. This chapter chronicles one of the many outcomes that stemmed from his violation of God’s commands; in this case, it was God’s prohibition against polygamy.

“The king must not take many wives for himself, because they will turn his heart away from the Lord.” – Deuteronomy 17:17 NLT

According to 2 Samuel 3, David had a growing harem of wives.

These are the sons who were born to David in Hebron:

The oldest was Amnon, whose mother was Ahinoam from Jezreel.
The second was Daniel, whose mother was Abigail, the widow of Nabal from Carmel.
The third was Absalom, whose mother was Maacah, the daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur.
The fourth was Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith.
The fifth was Shephatiah, whose mother was Abital.
The sixth was Ithream, whose mother was Eglah, David’s wife.

These sons were all born to David in Hebron. – 2 Samuel 3:2-5 NLT

Upon being crowned king by the 11 tribes of Israel that had formerly pledged allegiance to Saul’s grandson, Ish-bosheth, David demanded the return of his first wife, Michal. This left him with at least seven wives. But David was not done.

After moving from Hebron to Jerusalem, David married more concubines and wives, and they had more sons and daughters. These are the names of David’s sons who were born in Jerusalem: Shammua, Shobab, Nathan, Solomon, Ibhar, Elishua, Nepheg, Japhia, Elishama, Eliada, and Eliphelet. – 2 Samuel 5:13-16 NLT

David’s predilection for the opposite sex was going to catch up with him. He was in direct violation of God’s law and the fruit of those many illicit relationships was going to come back to haunt him. His many wives had given him many children, at least 17. But that number does not include the female children born to David.

Three of David’s children are involved in this story. Two of them, Absalom and Tamar, were born to David by his wife, Maacah. Absalom was born while David reigned in Hebron. Tamar was most likely born after David had moved his capital to Jerusalem. Amnon was born in Hebron as well but to a different mother, Ahinoam. As David’s household multiplied, the opportunities for sibling rivalries increased exponentially. But David, busy with his duties as king, was oblivious to the affairs of his growing household. Yet, three of his children would turn his world upside down.

David’s hyper-blended family became a breeding ground for trouble, and one of the things that will stand out as this story unfolds is David’s less-than-stellar parenting skills. He may have been a mighty warrior and a formidable military leader, but he appears to have lacked the desire to lead his own household. As the sordid details of his familial problems unfold, David’s parental shortcomings will become increasingly more apparent.

We’re told that Amnon “loved” his Tamar who was young, beautiful, and a virgin. This was more than an innocent love between a brother and a sister. This young man was physically attracted to his half-sister and he “became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill. She was a virgin, and Amnon thought he could never have her” (2 Samuel 13:2 NLT).

The Hebrew word used to describe Amnon’s affection for Tamar can actually refer to sexual love, and as the story will so graphically demonstrate, his attraction to his half-sister was purely physical. He lusted after her. So much so, that he made himself sick thinking about it. In his mind, Tamar was off-limits, but that didn’t stop him from trying to figure out how he might have her, even as he was having immoral and inappropriate thoughts about her. With the advice of a close friend, Amnon devised a plot to carry out his lust-driven desire to have Tamar, and his father, David, unknowingly went along with it.

The one thing that becomes painfully apparent in this story is David’s lack of discernment when it comes to his own family. He was oblivious to what was going on under the roof of his palace. So, he willingly agreed to send Tamar to take food to her “sick” brother, not knowing what Amnon had planned for her. As a result, Amnon ended up raping his sister against her will. In a fit of lust, Amnon ignored Tamar’s impassioned pleas and forced himself upon her.

Tamar had begged Amnon to consider what he was doing. She pleaded, “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel. Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me” (2 Samuel 13:12-13 NLT). It would not have been unprecedented for David to have agreed to a marriage between the two of them. Marriage between half-siblings was a common practice in those days. Abraham had married his half-sister, Sarah (Genesis 20:12). But Amnon was not interested in marriage. He was not persuaded by Tamar’s warnings about the damage this act would do to his reputation. He could care less. His physical desires were driving his actions and clouding his thinking, and the outcome, as James would later write, was predictable.

…each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. – James 1:14-15 ESV

Once Amnon got what he wanted, his “love” for Tamar turned to hatred. Having satisfied his sexual desire, he saw no more need for her. His love had been nothing more than lust and, once his lust had been satiated, he threw her out like a used, unneeded object. He took her virginity by force and left her to deal with the shame, dishonor, and humiliation that would follow. Having served her purpose, Tamar was considered damaged goods and discarded like trash. She no longer had any value to Amnon.

In humiliation, Tamar tore her robe and covered her head in ashes, a sign of mourning over her lost virginity. In that culture, Tamar would now be considered less a victim than a social pariah. It would not matter that she was the daughter of the king; she was no longer a virgin and, therefore, an unworthy prospect for marriage. She would be treated with disdain and viewed with disrespect, regardless of the circumstances. No man would want her. Her young life had been ruined, all because Amnon could not or would not contain his lust. He was a man driven by sexual desire. He had long ago ceased to see her as his sister or even as a woman; she was an object, a trophy to be won and a forbidden desire to be satisfied – at any cost.

But this will not be the end of the story; it will only get worse. As James so pointedly put it: “and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” The most telling part of the story will be David’s role in its aftermath. How will he respond to Amnon’s actions? What steps will he take to mitigate the egregious violation of his own daughter? David is the king but, more importantly, he is the father of a household of children born to him through a harem of unlawful wives. War had broken out in David’s home. How would he lead? He knew how to fight the enemies of Israel, but did he know how to do battle with the enemy within the walls of his own home?

Sadly, David would choose inaction and avoidance as his go-to responses to the domestic disaster under his roof. He would take the path of least resistance and refuse to deal with the sordid situation in his own household. David would be angered by the news of his daughter’s violation, but refuse to take appropriate steps to deal with Amnon’s sin. David, the God-appointed king of Israel, would abdicate his authority as the head of his household and, by doing so, pave the way for an even more disastrous and deadly outcome.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.