2 Samuel 14

You Can’t Judge a Book By Its Cover

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25 Now in all Israel there was no one so much to be praised for his handsome appearance as Absalom. From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him. 26 And when he cut the hair of his head (for at the end of every year he used to cut it; when it was heavy on him, he cut it), he weighed the hair of his head, two hundred shekels by the king’s weight.’ 27 There were born to Absalom three sons, and one daughter whose name was Tamar. She was a beautiful woman.

28 So Absalom lived two full years in Jerusalem, without coming into the king’s presence. 29 Then Absalom sent for Joab, to send him to the king, but Joab would not come to him. And he sent a second time, but Joab would not come. 30 Then he said to his servants, “See, Joab’s field is next to mine, and he has barley there; go and set it on fire.” So Absalom’s servants set the field on fire. 31 Then Joab arose and went to Absalom at his house and said to him, “Why have your servants set my field on fire?” 32 Absalom answered Joab, “Behold, I sent word to you, ‘Come here, that I may send you to the king, to ask, “Why have I come from Geshur? It would be better for me to be there still.” Now therefore let me go into the presence of the king, and if there is guilt in me, let him put me to death.’” 33 Then Joab went to the king and told him, and he summoned Absalom. So he came to the king and bowed himself on his face to the ground before the king, and the king kissed Absalom. – 2 Samuel 14:25-33 ESV

David had agreed to Absalom’s return to Jerusalem but had essentially placed him under house arrest and refused to see him. After a three-year absence from the kingdom, Absalom found himself persona non grata, ignored by his own father, and left to wonder why he had agreed to come home at all. Another two years passed, with Absalom confined to his home and David continuing his pattern of avoidance and inaction. He not only refused to meet his son face to face, but he also rejected his legal responsibility as king to administer justice for his son’s crime. Even Absalom would become frustrated by his father’s lack of moral courage and propensity for passivity. For him, this waiting game had become a matter of life or death. He woke up every morning wondering whether he would remain a prisoner in his own home or face execution for a crime he had committed five years earlier. His fate was in his father’s hands and, with each passing day, he became increasingly more frustrated with his untenable situation.

But what makes this section of chapter 14 so interesting is its rather odd emphasis on Absalom’s physical appearance. According to verses 25-27, Absalom had a reputation for his good looks and “was praised as the most handsome man in all Israel” (2 Samuel 14:25 NLT). He may have been a murderer, but he was easy on the eyes. Even while under house arrest, this handsome and somewhat roguish son of the king had become a celebrity. From the soles of his feet to the top of his head crowned with thick luxurious hair, Absalom gave all the appearances of a king-in-waiting. This flattering description of Absalom may seem a bit odd and out of place, but it is intended to set the stage for all that is about to happen. It is eerily reminiscent of the description given of another young man who would become Israel’s first king and David’s predecessor.

There was a wealthy, influential man named Kish from the tribe of Benjamin. He was the son of Abiel, son of Zeror, son of Becorath, son of Aphiah, of the tribe of Benjamin. His son Saul was the most handsome man in Israel—head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the land. – 1 Samuel 9:1-2 NLT

In both cases, the text’s emphasis on outer appearances is intended to make a point. When the good-looking Saul turned out to be a far-from-great king, God determined to replace him with a man after His own heart. He sent His prophet Samuel to the home of a man named Jesse with strict instructions to find and anoint the next king of Israel. When Samuel set his eyes on the eldest son of Jesse, he immediately concluded, “Surely this is the Lord’s anointed!” (1 Samuel 16:6 NLT). But God had other plans and gave the prophet an important lesson in leadership recruitment.

“Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7 NLT

Jesse would end up parading each of his sons before Samuel, in the hopes that one would catch the prophet’s attention. But it would not be until the youngest son David appeared that Samuel would hear the Lord say, “This is the one; anoint him” (1 Samuel 16:12 NLT). David would be anointed as the God-appointed replacement for the taller and better-looking Saul. The runt of the litter would become God’s choice to serve as the next king of Israel.

Now, years later, David’s good-looking son Absalom appears on the scene; another handsome, head-turning specimen of a man who would end up capturing the hearts of the people and threatening his father’s reign. But for that to happen, Absalom had to force his father’s hand. He refused to put up with his father’s inaction, choosing instead to face the prospect of execution rather than one more day of imprisonment.

During his two years of house arrest, Absalom’s resentment of his father only increased in intensity. He had plenty of time to recall David’s unwillingness to take action against Amnon for raping his sister. David’s inaction had led Absalom to take matters into his own hands. Now, two years later, Absalom found himself enduring the consequences of his father’s inaction yet again. Whatever respect he once held for his father was gone. He viewed David as a man of weakness, plagued by indecisiveness.

It would be centuries later that the apostle Paul would write:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4 NLT

David could have used this simple, yet profound advice. The Greek word Paul used is parorgizō and it is translated as “provoke to anger”. But it can also mean “to exasperate.” To provoke someone to anger sounds like it refers to a deliberate attempt to purposefully annoy or to rouse anger in another individual. While that most certainly can be true in many cases, we can also create anger in another human being by doing nothing. We can frustrate them by our lack of initiative or a general display of apathy. David was provoking in Absalom an anger and resentment that was fed by his father’s lack of leadership. He was slowly beginning to view David as weak and incapable of leading decisively. Absalom viewed his father as incompetent to lead his own family, and would soon reach the conclusion that he was also unqualified to lead the nation of Israel.

Absalom’s growing anger and frustration are on full display in how he handles Joab’s refusal to answer his repeated requests for an audience with the king. Like his boss, Joab did nothing. Finally, Absalom snapped, taking matters into his own hands and commanding his servants to set fire to Joab’s barley crops. While arguably a bit over the top, Absalom’s ploy worked and revealed his growing exasperation with the whole situation. He had waited two years and simply wanted something to be done. He even told Joab, “I wanted you to ask the king why he brought me back from Geshur if he didn’t intend to see me. I might as well have stayed there. Let me see the king; if he finds me guilty of anything, then let him kill me” (2 Samuel 14:32 NLT).

Absalom would rather face death than have to live in limbo, confined to his home. But there is almost an underlying sense that Absalom knew David would do nothing. He seems to have known that his father would never sentence him to death for his murder of Amnon. So he was willing to force David’s hand, confident that his father would act true to form and take no action. Which is exactly what happened. Joab went to David and convinced him to see Absalom, which David did. From all appearances, it seems that David pardoned Absalom, kissing his son, and restoring him to his former state. Absalom got what he wanted, but he would not be satisfied. During his five years of exile, he had plenty of time to consider his future and plan his next moves. This would prove to be just the first step in his plan to take advantage of what he perceived as his father’s leadership flaws.

Absalom was not only “flawless from head to foot” (2 Samuel 14:25 NLT), but he was also clever. He was a natural-born leader, who possessed the good looks, charisma, charm, and powers of persuasion that would make any politician jealous. Now that he was out from under any threat of punishment for his murder of Amnon, Absalom was going to use his good looks and natural leadership skills to plan his future, which would include his father’s downfall.

It’s interesting to note that Paul gave another warning to fathers in his letter to the Colossians. He writes, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart” (Colossians 3:21 NASB). David had frustrated his son by doing nothing to bring justice to the cause of Tamar. After his daughter had suffered the indignity of being raped by her half-brother, David allowed her to remain in a state of mourning and did nothing to avenge her. He avoided his responsibilities as a father and ignored the expressed will of God as found in the Mosaic Law.

If a man meets a virgin who is not betrothed, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are found, then the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her. He may not divorce her all his days. – Deuteronomy 22:28-29 ESV

According to the law, David should have forced Amnon to marry Tamar, and forbidden him from ever divorcing her. No longer a virgin, Tamar was left in a state where she would have been considered “damaged goods” by the men in her community. Her value as a potential wife had been irreparably damaged. All along the way, David’s indecisiveness left a wake of disaster and damaged lives. His inaction allowed Amnon to go unpunished and left Tamar a humiliated and unwanted woman. His unwillingness to do the right thing had only resulted in a host of wrong outcomes. Absalom had killed Amnon and then spent three years in exile. Even when he was allowed to return home, Absalom found himself in a frustrating limbo, trapped by his father’s unwillingness to perform his parental role and his duties as a king. All of this was going to lead to further resentment on Absalom’s part that would ultimately surface as rebellion.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Absolution Without Atonement Is Always Inadequate

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1 Now Joab the son of Zeruiah knew that the king’s heart went out to Absalom. 2 And Joab sent to Tekoa and brought from there a wise woman and said to her, “Pretend to be a mourner and put on mourning garments. Do not anoint yourself with oil, but behave like a woman who has been mourning many days for the dead. 3 Go to the king and speak thus to him.” So Joab put the words in her mouth.

4 When the woman of Tekoa came to the king, she fell on her face to the ground and paid homage and said, “Save me, O king.” 5 And the king said to her, “What is your trouble?” She answered, “Alas, I am a widow; my husband is dead. 6 And your servant had two sons, and they quarreled with one another in the field. There was no one to separate them, and one struck the other and killed him. 7 And now the whole clan has risen against your servant, and they say, ‘Give up the man who struck his brother, that we may put him to death for the life of his brother whom he killed.’ And so they would destroy the heir also. Thus they would quench my coal that is left and leave to my husband neither name nor remnant on the face of the earth.”

8 Then the king said to the woman, “Go to your house, and I will give orders concerning you.” 9 And the woman of Tekoa said to the king, “On me be the guilt, my lord the king, and on my father’s house; let the king and his throne be guiltless.” 10 The king said, “If anyone says anything to you, bring him to me, and he shall never touch you again.” 11 Then she said, “Please let the king invoke the Lord your God, that the avenger of blood kill no more, and my son be not destroyed.” He said, “As the Lord lives, not one hair of your son shall fall to the ground.”

12 Then the woman said, “Please let your servant speak a word to my lord the king.” He said, “Speak.” 13 And the woman said, “Why then have you planned such a thing against the people of God? For in giving this decision the king convicts himself, inasmuch as the king does not bring his banished one home again. 14 We must all die; we are like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. But God will not take away life, and he devises means so that the banished one will not remain an outcast. 15 Now I have come to say this to my lord the king because the people have made me afraid, and your servant thought, ‘I will speak to the king; it may be that the king will perform the request of his servant. 16 For the king will hear and deliver his servant from the hand of the man who would destroy me and my son together from the heritage of God.’ 17 And your servant thought, ‘The word of my lord the king will set me at rest,’ for my lord the king is like the angel of God to discern good and evil. The Lord your God be with you!” – 2 Samuel 14:1-17 ESV

More than three years have passed since Absalom arranged and carried out the murder of his half-brother, Amnon, for raping his sister, Tamar. Absalom fled, knowing he was guilty and deserving of death. He lived in exile in the land of Geshur the entire time and, while David thought about Absalom every day, he took no action regarding his son’s behavior. Technically, as king, David could have absolved his son of guilt and invited him to come home. But that decision would have required David to violate the law of God. There was little doubt concerning Absalom’s guilt and yet David did nothing to render a just and righteous indictment for the crime committed. For three years he failed to mete out justice for what his son had done.

This whole sordid affair had been lived out in the public eye. Everyone in the kingdom of Israel would have been familiar with the intimate and infamous details of the crimes committed by the royal family. It would have been common knowledge that one of the king’s sons had raped his half-sister and was then murdered by her brother. News of Absalom’s escape and exile would have been gossip fodder and, as the years, passed, people would have questioned why David did nothing to resolve the conflict in his own home. There were likely some who were angered by David’s decision to let his son get away with murder. They would have viewed this as a travesty of justice and a blatant display of favoritism. Others would have questioned David’s lack of mercy and his reluctance to use his power as king to pardon his own son.

The rumor mills must have been busy with all kinds of gossip and speculation. Questions swirled about David’s moods and his constant longings for his missing son Absalom. It was in this context that Joab, the king’s friend and military commander, decided to take action. He determined that it would be in the best interest of the kingdom for David to allow Absalom to return. It’s not made clear why Joab felt compelled to do what he did. There are no indications that any of his efforts had the blessing of God. Nowhere in the passage does it reveal him either seeking or receiving a word from God. So, Joab’s plan appears to have been his own idea and the fruit it eventually produced would seem to bear evidence that it was not within God’s will.

When Joab saw how much David longed for Absalom, he concocted a plan to convince David to forgive and forget. Perhaps remembering how Nathan the prophet had used a story to trick David into confessing his sin with Bathsheba, Joab came up with a similar strategy. He hired the services of a “wise woman” to assist him in implementing his plan. The Hebrew word translated as “wise” is ḥāḵām, and it has a range of possible meanings. In the Hebrew Bible, it is most commonly translated as “wise,” but it can also mean, “crafty, cunning, and wily.” Whatever her attributes, this woman’s reputation convinced Joab that she was the perfect person to help carry out his plot.

Joab concocted an elaborate and completely fabricated story for the woman to share with David. It involved the murder of her son by his own brother. In this fallacious tale, the “poor widow” was being pressured by her clansmen to do the right thing and put her second son to death for having murdered his brother. To further enhance the sad story, Joab had her add another twist in the plot that was designed to tug on David’s heartstrings. She described herself to David as a widow with no other sons to protect or provide for her. The living son was her last hope; if he was put to death, she would be helpless and hopeless.

Her fabricated story, while somewhat similar to that of Absalom and Amnon, had some glaring differences. Absalom’s murder of Amnon had not been in the heat of an argument and the result of uncontrolled passion. In other words, his was not a case of unpremeditated murder; he had planned it for over two years. His murder of Amnon had been calculated and carefully orchestrated. Secondly, the execution of Absalom for the murder of his brother would not have left David destitute and alone. He had plenty of other children and a son who would serve as his heir. David was a wealthy and powerful king, not a poor defenseless widow.

This entire scheme appears to be motivated by Joab’s desire to help Absalom return his father’s good graces. Perhaps he believed Absalom was the rightful heir to his father’s throne and his continued absence would make any transition of power impossible. Technically, Absalom was not the heir to the throne. Amnon would have been, but he had been killed. Next in line would have been Chileab, David’s second-born son (2 Samuel 3:3). And little did Joab know that God had already decided to make Solomon the next king of Israel. But Joab, whatever his motivation, did what he thought was best. He believed that by getting David to allow Absalom to return, things would get back to normal in the kingdom.

But when reading this story it is essential to remember that God had already given His will concerning matters of this nature. The Book of Numbers contains His divine provision for those who commit unpremeditated murder. God established six cities of refuge, designed as places where the guilty could go for safety until their case could be judged appropriately. But God made it clear that acts of premeditated murder were not covered under this plan.

But if someone strikes and kills another person with a piece of iron, it is murder, and the murderer must be executed. Or if someone with a stone in his hand strikes and kills another person, it is murder, and the murderer must be put to death. Or if someone strikes and kills another person with a wooden object, it is murder, and the murderer must be put to death. The victim’s nearest relative is responsible for putting the murderer to death. When they meet, the avenger must put the murderer to death. So if someone hates another person and pushes him or throws a dangerous object at him and he dies, it is murder. Or if someone hates another person and hits him with a fist and he dies, it is murder. In such cases, the avenger must put the murderer to death when they meet. – Numbers 35:16-21 NLT

Absalom deserved death, but Joab was determined to convince the king to grant him a pardon. His reasoning was simple, David needed to put the needs of the kingdom first. The woman’s story was intended to persuade David to do “the right thing.” In the “script” that Joab wrote for the woman, he even suggests that David’s absolution of Absalom would be within God’s will.

“Certainly we must die, and are like water spilled on the ground that cannot be gathered up again. But God does not take away life; instead he devises ways for the banished to be restored.” – 2 Samuel 14:14 NET

These words are a not-so-subtle appeal to God’s mercy and love; they emphasize His forgiveness. But they paint a one-dimensional view of God, conveniently leaving out His justice and holiness. God can’t ignore sin. His divine character will not allow Him to turn a blind eye to the sins of men or issue pardons without appropriate penalties. To do so would be an injustice and a violation of God’s righteousness. Sin must be punished and while Joab’s efforts were well-intentioned, he was encouraging David to supplant the will of God with his own.

As those living on this side of the cross, we know that God eventually provided a means for all sins to be forgiven. But that amazing reality did not come without cost. The apostle Paul reminds us that “the wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23 ESV). Not only that, all humanity stands condemned before God and worthy of death, “for everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard” (Romans 3:23 NLT). But Paul gives us the good news that pardon is available to all.

Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. – Romans 3:24 NLT

The absolution of our guilt and the pardon of our sins did not come without a price; it cost God the life of His own Son. Payment had to be made. The penalty for sin had to be paid by someone and God chose to do it through the life of His sinless Son. The author of Hebrews reminds us, “For without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness” (Hebrews 9:22 NLT).

Joab wanted everything back to the way it was, and he was willing to overlook the sins of Absalom to make it happen. This whole scene was the brainchild of Joab and was intended to get David to overlook the guilt of his son and allow him to return home. Yet this plan circumvented God’s demand for justice. Absolution is not the same thing as redemption. Forgiveness without atonement is impossible. Allowing Absalom to return without demanding that he pay for his crime would not solve the problem; it would only make matters worse.

Yet David, seemingly susceptible to a good story, gave into the woman’s tale and her plea that he allow Absalom to be restored. David’s decision, like so many others he made, would come back to haunt him. He didn’t seek God’s will in the matter but, instead, he allowed his emotions to get the better of him. It seems that the woman, armed with the words of Joab, knew exactly how to get to David’s heart. He longed for Absalom and was just looking for an excuse to bring him home. He didn’t want to mete out justice, which is why he had allowed Absalom to live in the land of his maternal grandfather for three years. Now, David seemed to have a viable excuse for doing what he had wanted to do all along – absolve Absalom of guilt. But while David could forgive and forget, God could not overlook what Absalom had done. Contrary to the wise woman’s words, God does take away life. He had taken the life of David’s newborn son because of his sin with Bathsheba. God had taken the life of Achan and his entire family for bringing sin into the camp (Joshua 7). God had a consistent and fully justified track record of dealing with sin in a just and righteous manner because He is a just and holy God. He is righteous and always does what is right.

David could choose to overlook Absalom’s sin, but God could not and would not. And David would soon learn the painful lesson that while his pardon of Absalom would guarantee his son’s return, it could not redeem and restore his son’s heart.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.