charm

Looks Can’t Last, But Friendship Lasts

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Maidens

9 What is your beloved more than another beloved,
    O most beautiful among women?
What is your beloved more than another beloved,
    that you thus adjure us?

She

10 My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
    distinguished among ten thousand.
11 His head is the finest gold;
    his locks are wavy,
    black as a raven.
12 His eyes are like doves
    beside streams of water,
bathed in milk,
    sitting beside a full pool.
13 His cheeks are like beds of spices,
    mounds of sweet-smelling herbs.
His lips are lilies,
    dripping liquid myrrh.
14 His arms are rods of gold,
    set with jewels.
His body is polished ivory,
    bedecked with sapphires.
15 His legs are alabaster columns,
    set on bases of gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
    choice as the cedars.
16 His mouth is most sweet,
    and he is altogether desirable.
This is my beloved and this is my friend,
    O daughters of Jerusalem. – Song of Solomon 5:9-16 ESV

Not to be outdone by her husband’s penchant for over-the-top rhetoric, the newly married and still love-struck bride attempts to one-up his earlier metaphor-laden description of her with an overly flattering and imagery-intense portrait of him. What follows is another exaggerated and somewhat exasperating display of blind love that makes for difficult reading. She appears to be answering a query from the same group of single women whom she asked for assistance locating her missing husband. They want to know why they should bother to help her when it looks like he has walked out on her.

“Why is your lover better than all others,
    O woman of rare beauty?
What makes your lover so special
    that we must promise this?” – Song of Solomon 5:9 NLT

It’s impossible to know whether this group of still-single maidens actually existed and bothered to ask these questions, but it provides the perfect excuse for the bride to wax eloquent about her husband’s superior physical attributes. Don’t overlook the fact that during her lengthy answer, she fails to say anything about his character; it’s all about his looks. He’s ruggedly handsome with a dark complexion and a full head of thick wavy black hair.  His eyes are mesmerizing and appear like two shimmering jewels floating in a milky white background. His gaze is captivating and it seems that she believes he only has eyes for her.

It may be that Solomon had a full beard which he regularly perfumed with exotic spices.

His cheeks are like gardens of spices
    giving off fragrance. – Song of Solomon 5:13 NLT

He looked and smelled great. Not only that, she found his lips to be enticing and his physique to be more than pleasing to her eyes. One gets the impression that she regularly lusted after her husband’s well-toned body. From his head to his toes, Solomon was a delight to her eyes and a source of passionate desire. She sums it all up by stating, “he is desirable in every way” (Song of Solomon 5:16 NLT). In other words, he was a keeper. Despite her recent dream and its unexpected depiction of his sudden disappearance, she was still greatly in love and desired to be with him.

But she caps off her description of Solomon with the following words, “This is my beloved and this is my friend…” (Song of Solomon 5:16 ESV). Yes, she was deeply in love with his body and infatuated with his physical appearance but, even more importantly, she viewed Solomon as her closest friend. And this admission of her friendship with Solomon speaks volumes about their relationship. She saw him as her dearest and most treasured companion; her partner who would accompany her through all the seasons of life. His physical appearance may change over the years. His hair could turn grey or simply turn loose. Over time, his well-toned body could grow flabby and frail. His eyes could grow dim with age and his strength could diminish with time. But their friendship would persist. Her infatuation would be buoyed by tender-hearted affection for her soulmate and friend.

While the following verse has been memorialized as a compliment of “The Proverbs 31 Woman,” it could just as easily be amended to speak on behalf of a wife in gratitude for her godly husband.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
    but a [man] who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. – Proverbs 31:30 NLT

Solomon wouldn’t stay young forever. His body would not maintain its youthful vigor and energy. But despite the passing of time and the loss of his good looks, he could continue to be his wife’s best friend for a lifetime.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Proverbs 31c

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Rare, But Worth Looking For.

“Who can find a wife of noble character? For her value is far more than rubies.” – Proverbs 31:10 NET

As a father of two sons, I have certain affinity with this verse. Both of my sons are unmarried at the moment. One is yet too young to even be considering it, but the other is in the prime age for finding a wife. Yet I am in no rush to see him get married. This verse is part of the reason. Having had to counsel far more struggling marriages than I would care to count, I know how difficult it can be to find the “right” person to spend the rest of your life with. I also know my son well enough to know that he is going to bring certain baggage of his own to the relationship. He has much spiritual maturing to do before he is ready to consider the considerable challenge of marriage. But King Lemuel poses a wonderful question when he asks, “Who can find a wife of noble character?” He compares the search for such a woman to looking for a ruby. She is rare and extremely valuable, and well worth the search and the wait.

Proverbs 31 then goes on to list the kinds of qualities this woman might have. It is an extensive and impressive list. She is trustworthy, faithful, hardworking, industrious, diligent, entrepreneurial, energetic, strong, caring, compassionate, wise, and godly. She is an excellent wife and mother, friend and neighbor. She fears God and loves her family. But what’s interesting is that King Lemuel spends no time describing her looks. All he says is that “charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last” (Proverbs 31:30 NLT). But as a man, I know how important charm and beauty are to both my sons, because they were important to me. I was first attracted to my wife because of her looks, then I quickly discovered her charm. But it took time before I realized what was beneath the surface. I was fortunate to discover that she was also a “woman who fears the Lord” (Proverbs 31:30 NLT). One of my greatest prayers and desires is that my sons find a woman like their mother. She exhibits so many of the qualities listed in this Proverb. But the one that has come to mean the most to me is that she fears the Lord. She has a love, respect, awe, and reverence for God, and a steadily growing dependence on Him. She answers to God. She is committed to living for God. She is learning to rest in God. And I want my sons to find a woman like that. There are many beautiful, charming women in the world, but who can find a woman of noble character? Those kind of women are few and far between. They are rare and priceless. They are limited to those who have given their lives to Christ and who are willing to allow Him to so radically change their hearts that they become priceless treasures in His hands. They are the ones who have allowed God transform their lives in such a way that their inner beauty far surpasses their physical looks. What makes them attractive is who God has made them to be – on the inside. That kind of woman will greatly enrich any man’s life. He will find she is well worth waiting for. He will learn that she is of extreme value and deserves a husband who is also a man of noble, moral, upright character. His character will match hers. His love for and fear of God will mirror hers. Those kinds of individuals are few and far between. Those kinds of marriages are as well. But they’re worth praying and waiting for.

Father, thank You for blessing my life with the kind of woman described in this passage. No, she is not perfect, but she is a blessing to my life because she has chosen to make You her highest priority. I pray that You will help my sons to search for and wait for the same kind of woman to come into their lives. And may they continue to prepare themselves to be godly men who will honor, love and lead their wives and families as You have called them to do. Amen.

Ken Miller

Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org

Proverbs 31

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The Beauty of Character.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.” – Proverbs 31:30 NLT

In a society obsessed with outer beauty, it pays to be reminded that God looks at the heart. He is not impressed with externals. He does not measure our value based on our good looks or how impressive we may appear. God is all about inner character. He sees what others too often fail to see and what most of us even fail to look for. In this famous Proverb, King Lemuel describes a most impressive woman. She is industrious, a successful businesswoman, a loving mother, a highly disciplined worker, a caring friend, and a dedicated wife. In fact, this woman is almost too good to be true. But I don’t think the point of this Proverb is to hold up this unnamed woman as a model for all women to follow. I think the point is to remind us that it is our character that counts. It is what’s inside that gives us our value. This woman’s industry and hard work are laudable, but they are not the point. Hard work can simply become another form of idol worship, leading to workaholism and self-sufficiency. While King Lemuel describes this woman as dressing in fine linen and purple gowns, he says, “She is clothed with dignity and strength” (Proverbs 31:25 NLT). Her inner character was outwardly visible in the manner in which she lived her life. She worked hard out of love for her family, not out of love for self. She was industrious because she cared for others more than she cared for herself. This woman feared God. She had a reverence for God that drove her actions and determined her attitude about everything. Verse 10 describes her as “virtuous.” That word really has to do with inner strength. She was trustworthy, good, hard-working, discerning, compassionate, giving, humble, wise, kind, loving, and worthy of praise from both her children and her husband. Why? Because she had inner beauty that was far more than skin deep. It was the byproduct of time spent with God. If some of us, both men and women, spent more time in the Word and less time in the gym or in front of the mirror, we would exhibit more of the character qualities this woman possessed. If we cared more about the condition of our souls than we did about our bodies, we would be far more attractive to the world around us. “Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman [or man] who lives in the Fear-of-GOD” (Proverbs 31:30 MSG).

Father, we obsess over the outside. We spend far too much time worrying about how we appear when we should be thinking about who we really are on the inside. Renew our perspective. Give us a greater desire to be transformed from the inside out. Help us to fear You more and desire what is important to You. Amen.

Ken Miller

Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org

Proverbs 31

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The Godly Woman.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” ­– Proverbs 31:30 NLT

We are a surface-only society. We are intrigued by externals and have no desire to look too deep. Having grown up on a steady diet of TV and movies, we are prone to judge others by their looks, the clothes they wear, or the kind of car they drive. The usual thing we ask one another when we meet for the first time is, “What do you do?” At the grocery store checkout line we are surrounded by images of beautiful people on the cover of magazines that offer us solutions to all of life’s problems – from how to have better sex to how to make millions with little investment or energy. We live in a society where image is everything. Andy Warhol’s famous “15-minutes of fame” has stretched into the length of a 30-minute reality TV show, with everyone from lobstermen to ice-truck drivers turning into household names. Other than the tabloid rumors we hear about various celebrities, what do we know about these TV and movie stars we watch each day? How well do we really know the beautiful actresses and recording artists who grace the magazine covers or walk the red carpet at star-studded events? But it doesn’t stop there. Think about the people you attend church with. Which ones tend to catch your eye? Probably the beautiful ones – those handsome, successful-looking individuals who wear the latest fashions, drive the nicest cars, and carry themselves with a sense of confidence. But what do we really know about them? What are they really like on the inside?

In this final Proverb, we read those famous lines about the “Proverbs 31 woman.” This unnamed, unknown woman has become an icon of virtue for women around the world. She has been held up as the poster-woman of what it means to be a godly woman. For some she is a model to follow, providing them with motivation to pursue excellence as a woman. For others, this woman represents an unachievable and unrealistic picture of the godly woman that always leaves them lacking. For them, the Proverbs 31 woman sets too high a bar. But the real story behind this woman begins on the inside. Her accomplishments are impressive, but they are nothing compared to what really makes her tick – her fear of the Lord. She was first and foremost a godly woman not because of all that she DID, but because of who she KNEW. She knew God and feared Him. She loved God and worshiped Him. Her actions and activities flowed from a heart that loved and feared God. In our society, looks are everything. Beauty and attractiveness are what matters most. How we appear on the outside means far more than what we are like on the inside. But as the writer of Proverbs 31 states, “charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting.” Looks can be deceiving. You can’t judge a book by its cover – but we do – every day of our lives. Beauty doesn’t last, but that doesn’t stop us from making it the primary criteria upon which to build our relationships. We love beautiful, successful-looking people. But the woman of Proverbs 31 was successful on the inside. She was charming, but it was a charm that flowed from a truly loving heart. It was not fake or manufactured charm. She was probably beautiful, obviously hard-working, and highly successful. But without the fear of God, none of this would have had any value. She was a wife of noble character. Isn’t that what our world really needs? Isn’t that what the marriages in our churches really need? Isn’t that what we should want for our daughters? But in our celebrity-saturated society, noble character is hard to come by and seldom even looked for. We live in a world where it’s more important that you BE a character than have it. Charlie Sheen, Lindsey Lohan, Brittany Spears, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus – the list goes on and on. They’re in the news. They are the news. They are the picture of what it means to be “successful” in our society. But King Lemuel reminds us what real success looks like. And it begins with integrity, character, and a fear of the Lord.

Father, we celebrate the wrong things in this world. We elevate the wrong behavior. We accentuate the temporal and downplay the eternal. Show us how to model godliness and promote it in the lives of our young people. Help us to understand the value of character that is based on a fear of You. We need depth in our lives. We need to know what really counts and what will really last. Charm can deceive and beauty fades away with time. But godly character lasts forever. Amen

Ken Miller
Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org