disagreement

The Inevitable Bump in the Road

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He

1 I came to my garden, my sister, my bride,
    I gathered my myrrh with my spice,
    I ate my honeycomb with my honey,
    I drank my wine with my milk.

God

Eat, friends, drink,
    and be drunk with love!

She

2 I slept, but my heart was awake.
A sound! My beloved is knocking.
“Open to me, my sister, my love,
    my dove, my perfect one,
for my head is wet with dew,
    my locks with the drops of the night.”
3 I had put off my garment;
    how could I put it on?
I had bathed my feet;
    how could I soil them?
4 My beloved put his hand to the latch,
    and my heart was thrilled within me.
5 I arose to open to my beloved,
    and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
    on the handles of the bolt.
6 I opened to my beloved,
    but my beloved had turned and gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke.
I sought him, but found him not;
    I called him, but he gave no answer.
7 The watchmen found me
    as they went about in the city;
they beat me, they bruised me,
    they took away my veil,
    those watchmen of the walls.
8 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
    if you find my beloved,
that you tell him
    I am sick with love. – Song of Solomon 5:1-8 ESV

Having completed their wedding night, the groom declares his joy at having experienced the intimacy of the marriage bed with the love of his life. His words, while poetic and metaphorical in nature, are thinly veiled descriptions of this momentous and memorable occasion. He speaks these words of satisfaction to himself as he reflects on the physical pleasures that accompanied the consecration of their God-ordained union. He is not bragging about his sexual exploits but simply expressing his joyful delight and deep appreciation for all that has taken place.

He describes the gift of his bride’s virginity as a gift received with gratitude, and he makes it clear that it belongs solely to himself. Take note of the number of times he uses the first-person possessive suffix: “my.”

“I came to my garden, my sister, my bride, I gathered my myrrh with my spice, I ate my honeycomb with my honey, I drank my wine with my milk.”

He uses that same word nine times in one verse, making it virtually impossible to miss the message he is sending. His bride belongs to him and him alone. She has given him the most valuable item she possesses, the gift of her body and the commitment of her ongoing fidelity and faithfulness – for life. And he does not take this gift lightly.

We live in an age where sex has become a commodity, bought and sold to the highest bidder, and looked upon as nothing more than a biological interchange between two consenting adults. In our world, sex carries no real value other than the pleasure it might bring to one or both of the participants. But from God’s divine perspective, sex was always intended to be an expression of the union between one man and one woman, and it was always linked to the ordinance of marriage. Yes, it is the sole means by which humanity can reproduce more of its kind, but there has always been more to sex than procreation. It is to be viewed as a gift from God and treated with the utmost respect and sanctity.

Solomon was right to view his wife’s body as his own but his statements of possessiveness do not convey ownership or a sense of control. His wife is not his personal property to be used, abused, or forced to satisfy his sexual fantasies or comply with his every command. Solomon is expressing the same sentiment that Adam did when he saw Eve for the first time.

“This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” – Genesis 2:23 NLT

Adam was fully aware that this hand-crafted gift from God was the byproduct of his own flesh and blood. Eve was a literal part of him.

…the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. – Genesis 2:21-22 NLT

The apostle Paul adds another twist to this remarkable physical relationship between a husband and a wife, declaring that the man must view his wife as a permanent expression of his own personhood. She is to be seen as a vital part of himself and treated with love, honor, dignity, and respect at all times.

…husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. – Ephesians 5:28-29 NLT

The second half of verse 5 has proven to be a conundrum for biblical scholars over the centuries. There has been much debate concerning the speaker behind the words, with some speculating that they are the words of the wedding guests while others attribute them to Solomon as he rejoins the wedding guests after having consummated his marriage. What makes them difficult to understand is the use of the word, “friends,” which is in the plural form. If these are the words of Solomon, to whom is he speaking? And if the wedding guests are the source of these words, why would they be anywhere near the bedroom of Solomon and his bride?

It makes much more sense to view these as the words of God Himself, as He encourages the couple to enjoy the gift He has provided for them and to do so for years to come.

“Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink! Yes, drink deeply of your love!” – Song of Solomon 5:1b NLT

Solomon’s rapturous recollection of his wedding night is followed by a far less delightful description of the loss of intimacy between the couple. No timeline is given as to when this event took place, but it is clear that something happened between Solomon and his new wife. The joy of their wedding night was interrupted by their first fight.

Solomon’s wife has yet another dream in which she hears the impassioned pleas of her husband begging for her to open the doors to her chamber.

“Open to me, my treasure, my darling,
    my dove, my perfect one.
My head is drenched with dew,
    my hair with the dampness of the night.” – Song of Solomon 5:2 NLT

But rather than comply with his wishes, she offers up excuses.

“I have taken off my robe.
    Should I get dressed again?
I have washed my feet.
    Should I get them soiled?” – Song of Solomon 5:3 NLT

It would appear that she was already in bed and had no desire to accommodate her husband’s calls to let him in. But her refusal to open the door only made Solomon more aggressive in his approach as made repeated attempts to open the door. His persistence made an impact on his wife, softening her heart and creating in her a desire to change her mind and open the door. But when she finally relented and unlocked the door to her chamber, her husband was nowhere to be found; he had given up and walked away.

“I jumped up to open the door for my love,
    and my hands dripped with perfume.
My fingers dripped with lovely myrrh
    as I pulled back the bolt.
I opened to my lover,
    but he was gone!
    My heart sank.” – Song of Solomon 5:5-6 NLT

She was too late. She had waited too long. Her disinterest had produced disappointment and now she was forced to go on yet another nocturnal search for her missing husband (Song of Solomon 3:1-5). Rebuffed by his wife’s persistent refusal to open her door, Solomon had stalked away, probably in a state of anger and frustration.

This scene is all too familiar to any married couple. How quickly the love and infatuation of the wedding night can turn to disinterest and disappointment. As beautiful and appealing as the sexual aspect of marriage can be, it cannot be the sole source of solidarity. In other words, sex can’t hold a marriage together. There will be times when a couple falls out of love with one another; it is inevitable and unavoidable. Their physical desire will ebb and flow. One will withhold sexual intimacy from the other – sometimes for purely innocent reasons, but other times as a means to cause hurt.

In this case, it appears that the wife was simply tired and “not in the mood.” But rather than lovingly conveying her thoughts, she simply “locked the door” and left her husband to speculate and draw unhealthy conclusions. It is unlikely that he left her chamber that night in a happy state and fully satisfied with her rejection of his advances. All of this could have been avoided by a short and simple conversation, but this young couple had much to learn about marriage.

Her search did not go well. Not only did she fail to find her husband, but she ended up brutally abused by the night watchmen. Fortunately, this was a dream and none of this took place in real life. But this dark aspect of her dream would seem to indicate that she suffered punishment for her refusal to open the door to her husband. In a sense, she blamed herself for his disappearance and suffered the consequences.

In her dream, the young wife calls out to her friends, begging them to assist her in the search for her missing husband.

“Make this promise, O women of Jerusalem—
    If you find my lover,
    tell him I am weak with love.” – Song of Solomon 5:8 NLT

She regrets her earlier decision and longs to be reunited with her lover. She has learned a valuable lesson and only wants a second chance to renew her love and affection for the one she earlier rejected. This entire section paints an all too realistic view of the marriage relationship. it is not always easy and during the course of any marriage, the love between a husband and wife will ebb and flow. Sexual attraction will have its highs and lows. Poor communication will be a constant source of conflict.

Solomon and his bride were going to learn that a good marriage requires hard work. True love requires commitment, sacrifice, selflessness, and a desire to put the needs of others ahead of your own. The apostle Paul put it this way: “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too” (Philippians 2:3-4 NLT). And while he wasn’t necessarily addressing his words to married couples, they are highly appropriate and applicable.

Solomon and his wife were learning that marriage is a covenant that requires so much more than mere physical attraction. To last a lifetime, a marriage will need the full buy-in and complete commitment of both the husband and the wife. But what makes a successful marriage is not the wholehearted commitment of two dedicated individuals, but the presence of God. He alone can turn a good marriage into a great one and transform two into one.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Stand Firm, Seek Peace, Stop Worrying

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. 1 Therefore, my brothers, whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm thus in the Lord, my beloved.

2 I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. 3 Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:1-7 ESV

As Paul begins to draw his letter to a close, he repeats a phrase he used at the very beginning.

 Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel… – Philippians 1:27 ESV

Paul bookended his letter with the same thought, and he used the Greek word, stēkō to convey it. It is a word that conveys the idea of standing fast, even in the face of adversity. Paul was encouraging his flock to persevere and persist in their faith, no matter what happened around them. There would be opposition and obstacles, but they were to remain solidly committed to the cause of Christ – together. Remember, Paul is addressing the whole community of believers. He is speaking to them as if they are one because he knows that their unity will be the key to their growth and effectiveness. This idea of standing firm was a staple in Paul’s letter, and its repeated use reveals his firm belief in its importance.

With all these things in mind, dear brothers and sisters, stand firm and keep a strong grip on the teaching we passed on to you both in person and by letter. – 2 Thessalonians 2:15 NLT

So we have been greatly encouraged in the midst of our troubles and suffering, dear brothers and sisters, because you have remained strong in your faith. It gives us new life to know that you are standing firm in the Lord. – 1 Thessalonians 3:7-8 NLT

Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love. – 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 NLT

Notice that Paul linked this perseverance to a variety of things. He described its foundation as being the clear, unadulterated teaching of the gospel. And that gospel message was to be based on the Lord, Jesus Christ, and Him alone. Which belief in that gospel message requires faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ.

And here in chapter four, Paul reminds his readers to stand firm in the Lord. It was their faith in Jesus that would make possible their perseverance and persistence in the faith. Any deviation or distraction from the pure gospel message of faith in Christ alone would leave them unstable and capable of anything, including disunity, immorality, and a failure to shine as lights “in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation” (Philippians 2:15 ESV).

Having reiterated his call to perseverance, Paul turns his attention to a specific case where it was desperately needed within the local congregation at Philippi. Most likely, Paul had been made aware of the ongoing problem between Euodia and Syntyche by Epaphroditus when he arrived in Rome to minister to Paul. We are not given any clue as to the nature between these two individuals, but they were clearly members of the church family in Philippi, and they were experiencing some kind of conflict between themselves that was having an impact on the entire congregation. Perhaps there were others who were taking sides with one or the other of these women, and the dispute between them was beginning to divide the church.

Regardless of the cause of their conflict, Paul calls them to “agree in the Lord.” On closer inspection, we can see that Paul is actually revisiting a phrase he used earlier in his letter, when he told the church to “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5 ESV). Paul used the Greek words, touto phroneō. Here in chapter 4, when addressing these two women, Paul used the same basic words, autos phroneō. He wanted them to have the attitude or mindset of Christ. He was calling them to view their conflict as Christ would. With humility, selflessness and a willingness to put the needs of the other ahead of their own.

And Paul points out that these two women had been key participants in spreading the gospel in Philippi. They had labored side by side with him during his time in the city. So, their personal disagreement was having a negative influence on the flock. And Paul was concerned enough to mention these two women by name and to solicit the involvement of others in mediating a solution. He specifically mentions someone whom he describes as his “true companion” or “loyal yokefollow.” We are not told who this individual was, and there are some translators who believe that this designation should be translated as a proper name, Syzygus. But whoever this individual was, Paul wanted them to get involved. The unity of the body was at stake and the cause of Christ was too important to allow this disagreement to continue.

Paul’s reference to these women’s’ names being written in the book of life lets us know that he was convinced of their salvation. These were not two unbelievers bringing their conflict into the local body of Christ. It was a case of two mature Christ-followers allowing their personal and, most likely, petty disagreement to disrupt the unity of the church. They were not exhibiting the mindset of Christ. And they were not standing firm in the faith.

While the next verse seems to indicate that Paul is done addressing the conflict between Euodia and Syntyche, I would suggest that he is making a direct appeal to them. Rather than bickering and fighting with one another, Paul challenges them to “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice” (Philippians 4:4 ESV). It is difficult to remain fixated on what you believe to be a personal slight when your eyes are focused on Jesus. It is almost impossible to see yourself as suffering injustice if you keep in mind all that Christ suffered on your behalf. And rejoicing in the Lord and arguing with your neighbor is virtually impossible to do at the same time.

And Paul calls on these two women, and everyone else in the church, to practice “reasonableness.”

The Greek word contains connotations of gentleness, yielding, kindness, patience, forbearance, leniency, and magnanimity. (Dr. Thomas L. Constable, Notes on Philippians).

Those characteristics are antithetical to a spirit of disagreement and disunity. And Paul reminds these two women that their decision to seek unity will be a tangible demonstration of what it means to have the mind of Christ. Their choice to resolve their disagreement will be a witness to the resurrection power Paul talked about earlier in this letter.

Again, while the words contained in these verses most certainly applied to the entire congregation, it seems likely that Paul was still addressing the situation between Euodia and Syntyche. And his message to them was clearly aimed at each and every believer in Philippi. He reminds them that the Lord is at hand. In other words, He is coming back and they should live with their eyes focused on the promise of His return, not their petty disagreements and personal slights. They were to live as if the Lord could return at any moment. And Paul knew that if they lived as if eternity was right around the corner, the cares of this world would lose their power over them. And he also knew that their disagreement was most likely based on a fear of being taking advantage of. There was something personal driving the conflict between them. Which is why Paul states,  “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (Philippians 4:6 ESV).

If they felt they were being taken advantage of, they were to take the matter to God. Rather than disputing with one another, they should be taking their cares and concerns to God. Addressing the problem of lawsuits being filed between members of the church in Corinth, Paul asked, “Why not just accept the injustice and leave it at that? Why not let yourselves be cheated?” (1 Corinthians 6:7 NLT). If in the pursuit of peace and unity, you suffer loss, you can take your need to God. Demanding your rights before men will never substitute for the joy of sharing your needs with God.  You may win an argument, but you won’t enjoy peace. You may get the upper hand in a dispute, but you’ll never know what it is like to have God’s blessing.

And Paul reminds every single believer in Philippi that taking their problems, cares, conflicts and concerns to God will always bring the best outcome.

His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:7 NLT

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson