1 Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. 2 And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her. 3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. And Jonadab was a very crafty man. 4 And he said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” 5 Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’” 6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. And when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.”
7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go to your brother Amnon’s house and prepare food for him.” 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, where he was lying down. And she took dough and kneaded it and made cakes in his sight and baked the cakes. 9 And she took the pan and emptied it out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, “Send out everyone from me.” So everyone went out from him. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the chamber, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. 11 But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” 12 She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. 13 As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” 14 But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.
15 Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up! Go!” 16 But she said to him, “No, my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me.” But he would not listen to her. 17 He called the young man who served him and said, “Put this woman out of my presence and bolt the door after her.” 18 Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. 19 And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went. – 2 Samuel 13:1-19 ESV
In this chapter, we will see yet another ugly consequence of David’s disobedience to the commands of God. He had been forgiven by God for his sins, but that did not mean he would face no consequences. This chapter chronicles one of the many outcomes that stemmed from his violation of God’s commands; in this case, it was God’s prohibition against polygamy.
“The king must not take many wives for himself, because they will turn his heart away from the Lord.” – Deuteronomy 17:17 NLT
According to 2 Samuel 3, David had a growing harem of wives.
These are the sons who were born to David in Hebron:
The oldest was Amnon, whose mother was Ahinoam from Jezreel.
The second was Daniel, whose mother was Abigail, the widow of Nabal from Carmel.
The third was Absalom, whose mother was Maacah, the daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur.
The fourth was Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith.
The fifth was Shephatiah, whose mother was Abital.
The sixth was Ithream, whose mother was Eglah, David’s wife.
These sons were all born to David in Hebron. – 2 Samuel 3:2-5 NLT
Upon being crowned king by the 11 tribes of Israel that had formerly pledged allegiance to Saul’s grandson, Ish-bosheth, David demanded the return of his first wife, Michal. This left him with at least seven wives. But David was not done.
After moving from Hebron to Jerusalem, David married more concubines and wives, and they had more sons and daughters. These are the names of David’s sons who were born in Jerusalem: Shammua, Shobab, Nathan, Solomon, Ibhar, Elishua, Nepheg, Japhia, Elishama, Eliada, and Eliphelet. – 2 Samuel 5:13-16 NLT
David’s predilection for the opposite sex was going to catch up with him. He was in direct violation of God’s law and the fruit of those many illicit relationships was going to come back to haunt him. His many wives had given him many children, at least 17. But that number does not include the female children born to David.
Three of David’s children are involved in this story. Two of them, Absalom and Tamar, were born to David by his wife, Maacah. Absalom was born while David reigned in Hebron. Tamar was most likely born after David had moved his capital to Jerusalem. Amnon was born in Hebron as well but to a different mother, Ahinoam. As David’s household multiplied, the opportunities for sibling rivalries increased exponentially. But David, busy with his duties as king, was oblivious to the affairs of his growing household. Yet, three of his children would turn his world upside down.
David’s hyper-blended family became a breeding ground for trouble, and one of the things that will stand out as this story unfolds is David’s less-than-stellar parenting skills. He may have been a mighty warrior and a formidable military leader, but he appears to have lacked the desire to lead his own household. As the sordid details of his familial problems unfold, David’s parental shortcomings will become increasingly more apparent.
We’re told that Amnon “loved” his Tamar who was young, beautiful, and a virgin. This was more than an innocent love between a brother and a sister. This young man was physically attracted to his half-sister and he “became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill. She was a virgin, and Amnon thought he could never have her” (2 Samuel 13:2 NLT).
The Hebrew word used to describe Amnon’s affection for Tamar can actually refer to sexual love, and as the story will so graphically demonstrate, his attraction to his half-sister was purely physical. He lusted after her. So much so, that he made himself sick thinking about it. In his mind, Tamar was off-limits, but that didn’t stop him from trying to figure out how he might have her, even as he was having immoral and inappropriate thoughts about her. With the advice of a close friend, Amnon devised a plot to carry out his lust-driven desire to have Tamar, and his father, David, unknowingly went along with it.
The one thing that becomes painfully apparent in this story is David’s lack of discernment when it comes to his own family. He was oblivious to what was going on under the roof of his palace. So, he willingly agreed to send Tamar to take food to her “sick” brother, not knowing what Amnon had planned for her. As a result, Amnon ended up raping his sister against her will. In a fit of lust, Amnon ignored Tamar’s impassioned pleas and forced himself upon her.
Tamar had begged Amnon to consider what he was doing. She pleaded, “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel. Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me” (2 Samuel 13:12-13 NLT). It would not have been unprecedented for David to have agreed to a marriage between the two of them. Marriage between half-siblings was a common practice in those days. Abraham had married his half-sister, Sarah (Genesis 20:12). But Amnon was not interested in marriage. He was not persuaded by Tamar’s warnings about the damage this act would do to his reputation. He could care less. His physical desires were driving his actions and clouding his thinking, and the outcome, as James would later write, was predictable.
…each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. – James 1:14-15 ESV
Once Amnon got what he wanted, his “love” for Tamar turned to hatred. Having satisfied his sexual desire, he saw no more need for her. His love had been nothing more than lust and, once his lust had been satiated, he threw her out like a used, unneeded object. He took her virginity by force and left her to deal with the shame, dishonor, and humiliation that would follow. Having served her purpose, Tamar was considered damaged goods and discarded like trash. She no longer had any value to Amnon.
In humiliation, Tamar tore her robe and covered her head in ashes, a sign of mourning over her lost virginity. In that culture, Tamar would now be considered less a victim than a social pariah. It would not matter that she was the daughter of the king; she was no longer a virgin and, therefore, an unworthy prospect for marriage. She would be treated with disdain and viewed with disrespect, regardless of the circumstances. No man would want her. Her young life had been ruined, all because Amnon could not or would not contain his lust. He was a man driven by sexual desire. He had long ago ceased to see her as his sister or even as a woman; she was an object, a trophy to be won and a forbidden desire to be satisfied – at any cost.
But this will not be the end of the story; it will only get worse. As James so pointedly put it: “and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” The most telling part of the story will be David’s role in its aftermath. How will he respond to Amnon’s actions? What steps will he take to mitigate the egregious violation of his own daughter? David is the king but, more importantly, he is the father of a household of children born to him through a harem of unlawful wives. War had broken out in David’s home. How would he lead? He knew how to fight the enemies of Israel, but did he know how to do battle with the enemy within the walls of his own home?
Sadly, David would choose inaction and avoidance as his go-to responses to the domestic disaster under his roof. He would take the path of least resistance and refuse to deal with the sordid situation in his own household. David would be angered by the news of his daughter’s violation, but refuse to take appropriate steps to deal with Amnon’s sin. David, the God-appointed king of Israel, would abdicate his authority as the head of his household and, by doing so, pave the way for an even more disastrous and deadly outcome.
English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.