marriage bed

The God-Given Gift of Love and Sexuality

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She

1 Oh that you were like a brother to me
    who nursed at my mother’s breasts!
If I found you outside, I would kiss you,
    and none would despise me.
2 I would lead you and bring you
    into the house of my mother—
    she who used to teach me.
I would give you spiced wine to drink,
    the juice of my pomegranate.
3 His left hand is under my head,
    and his right hand embraces me!
4 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
    that you not stir up or awaken love
    until it pleases.

5 Who is that coming up from the wilderness,
    leaning on her beloved?

Under the apple tree I awakened you.
There your mother was in labor with you;
    there she who bore you was in labor.

6 Set me as a seal upon your heart,
    as a seal upon your arm,
for love is strong as death,
    jealousy is fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
    the very flame of the Lord.
7 Many waters cannot quench love,
    neither can floods drown it.
If a man offered for love
    all the wealth of his house,
    he would be utterly despised. – Song of Solomon 8:1-7 ESV

As this epic poem begins to wrap up, the rhetoric within it amps up. It seems that the further along in the dialogue we get, the more shocking the language and imagery becomes. But I don’t think this is all for the shock value. These words are penned by two people who are expressing their deep and abiding affection for one another. Nothing is hidden. There are no subjects that are off-limits or taboo. While this book was divinely inspired like all the other books in the canon of Scripture, when Solomon wrote it, he had no idea it would become part of the Bible, the world’s most popular and widely read book of all time.

So, the imagery and language contained within the Song of Solomon have always confused and disturbed its readers. It seems out of place among all the other books of the Bible. Its content is too controversial and even considered X-rated by some. There are those who avoid this book like the plague. Others, in an attempt to resolve its shocking use of sexual imagery and language, have spiritualized its content to the point where it no longer makes much sense. That is not to say there is no underlying spiritual message contained within the pages of the Song of Solomon but that the graphic and sometimes lurid nature of its content should not be dismissed as nothing more than one lengthy metaphor.

Those who approach this book with a puritanical zeal, wishing to reinterpret its language as nothing more than a symbol of God’s love for His chosen people or Christ’s love for His bride, the Church, end up dehumanizing and diminishing its message. In some sense, their attempt to de-sexualize its content ended up devaluing much of its message. It’s amazing that even today, in our highly sexualized culture, this book still comes across as inappropriate and offensive. There is still a sense in which Christians believe that any talk about the human body or sexuality is inappropriate for polite conversation. But the content in this book is difficult to ignore because it confronts our prudish sensibilities and makes us squirm.  All its talk of intimate body parts and passionate love-making makes us uncomfortable.

Yet, the Song of Solomon is as much a part of the canon of Scripture as the Psalms or the four Gospels. It too was “breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16 ESV). So the question becomes, what is this book attempting to teach us? In what ways could it be trying to reprove and correct us? How could its content be used to train us in righteousness?

The answers to these questions must be found in the prevailing message of the book. It is impossible to completely dismiss the fact that this is a love poem. It is blatantly and sometimes embarrassingly about the love between a man and a woman. But that should not make us uncomfortable. Love is of God because God is love, and the sexual union between one man and one woman was His idea. But like all of God’s good and gracious gifts, this one was irreparably damaged by the entrance of sin into the world. Satan has taken what God intended for good and turned it into a self-seeking, soul-destroying weapon in his battle against humanity.

Jesus stated, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10 NLT). God created man and woman and endowed them with the capacity for procreation, but He also blessed them with the ability to love and enjoy the intimacy and physicality of the sexual relationship. It was not to be some primal act of hormonal urges designed to propagate the species. God equipped Adam and Eve with the physiological and psychological tools they would need to make more of their kind and to enjoy themselves in the process. That is what the Song of Solomon is all about.

Even in Solomon’s day, prudishness reigned supreme. There was certain actions that were inappropriate and deemed unacceptable in public. His love-struck wife makes that painfully clear when she bluntly states, “Oh, I wish you were my brother, who nursed at my mother’s breasts. Then I could kiss you no matter who was watching, and no one would criticize me” (Song of Solomon 8:1 NLT). This woman couldn’t keep her hands off of her husband. Even in public, she had a difficult time controlling her urge to kiss him. Her rather strange-sounding wish for him to be her brother is just her way of venting her frustration. In her culture, it was fully acceptable for a sister to show affection to her male sibling, even in public. But if she dared to display any signs of affection to her husband while others were watching, she would be considered sex-crazed and lacking in discretion.

She goes on to describe her and her “brother” engaging in intimate activities in their childhood home. The language she uses is blunt and highly suggestive, no matter how much you try to couch it in metaphorical terms. She wants everyone to know just how much she loves her husband. Her discussion of public displays of affection may make us uncomfortable but it should also convict us. The longer her marriage lasts, the more intense her love for her husband grows, and she wants to shout their love from the rooftops. She is proud of and pleased with the love of her life.

This is not a woman for whom marital love has run out of steam. Her sexual desire has not diminished over time. Her husband’s aging body has not lost its appeal for her. The passion of her youth has not gone away and she has spent it on someone else. She remains totally committed to her marriage and deeply in love with her husband.

In a world driven by casual sex, no-fault divorce, and short-term commitments, this woman is a breath of fresh air, and her take on love has never been more timely and needed.

For love is as strong as death,
    its jealousy as enduring as the grave.
Love flashes like fire,
    the brightest kind of flame.
Many waters cannot quench love,
    nor can rivers drown it. – Song of Solomon 8:6-7 NLT

For some reason, we want to separate love from sex. Even Christians can end up viewing sex as somehow tainted and stained by its close association with our fallen human bodies. This dualistic mindset causes us to view love as some kind of separate and distinct characteristic that operates independently from our physical desires and passions. Ever since the fall, mankind has ended up associating sex with lust rather than love. Instead of seeing the sexual act as a gift from God, we have demonized and devalued it to the point of sacrilege. Human sexuality is a gift from God. To view it as somehow dirty or damaged is to question the goodness of God. True love, which includes the physical intimacy between a man and a woman, is a remarkable gift from our Creator-God. It is not to be despised. It is not to be treated with disdain or disgust. Love, as designed by God in the marriage relationship, is priceless value and cannot be bought or sold.

If a man tried to buy love
    with all his wealth,
    his offer would be utterly scorned. – Song of Solomon 8:7 NLT

But it is to be enjoyed and protected at all costs – for a lifetime.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Awkward Reading But An Awesome Reminder

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

He

1 Behold, you are beautiful, my love,
    behold, you are beautiful!
Your eyes are doves
    behind your veil.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
    leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
2 Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes
    that have come up from the washing,
all of which bear twins,
    and not one among them has lost its young.
3 Your lips are like a scarlet thread,
    and your mouth is lovely.
Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
    behind your veil.
4 Your neck is like the tower of David,
    built in rows of stone;
on it hang a thousand shields,
    all of them shields of warriors.
5 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
    twins of a gazelle,
    that graze among the lilies.
6 Until the day breathes
    and the shadows flee,
I will go away to the mountain of myrrh
    and the hill of frankincense.
7 You are altogether beautiful, my love;
    there is no flaw in you.
8 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride;
    come with me from Lebanon.
Depart from the peak of Amana,
    from the peak of Senir and Hermon,
from the dens of lions,
    from the mountains of leopards.

9 You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride;
    you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes,
    with one jewel of your necklace.
10 How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride!
    How much better is your love than wine,
    and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!
11 Your lips drip nectar, my bride;
    honey and milk are under your tongue;
    the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.
12 A garden locked is my sister, my bride,
    a spring locked, a fountain sealed.
13 Your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates
    with all choicest fruits,
    henna with nard,
14 nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon,
    with all trees of frankincense,
myrrh and aloes,
    with all choice spices—
15 a garden fountain, a well of living water,
    and flowing streams from Lebanon.

She

16 Awake, O north wind,
    and come, O south wind!
Blow upon my garden,
    let its spices flow.

Let my beloved come to his garden,
    and eat its choicest fruits. – Song of Solomon 4:1-16 ESV

This chapter is filled with so much semantical hyperbole it’s almost difficult to read. Solomon’s attempt to describe his bride’s beauty is so over the top that it borders on the ridiculous and comes across as almost comical. His description of her eyes being like two doves behind a veil is quite a poetic and alluring visual that achieves its objective, but when ventures into characterizing the stunning beauty of her teeth he seems to go a bit too far.

“Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes
    that have come up from the washing,
all of which bear twins,
    and not one among them has lost its young.” – Song of Solomon 4:2 ESV

His point is well made if not a tad bit overdone. It’s clear that he admires the vivid whiteness and flawless quality of her teeth but his attempt to describe them seems a little overzealous and unnecessary. But then again, it is poetry and these words are written by a man who is completely smitten by the love of his life. As he gazes at her in all her bridal splendor, he isn’t necessarily thinking rationally. It isn’t that his words have left him but that they are coming out in a jumbled cacophony of love-infused rhetoric.

Some scholars believe the context of the poem has moved from the day of the marriage ceremony to the evening in which the marriage would be consummated. This might explain some of Solomon’s over-the-top descriptive flourishes. If this is indeed his wedding night, his verbosity is nothing more than a case of nerves; he is overcome by the intensity and intimacy of the moment. We’ll graciously cut him some slack for his gratuitous use of over-embellished similes and metaphors. He can’t help himself.

It’s obvious to all that Solomon is enthralled by his bride’s stunning beauty. On this momentous night, he can see no wrong in her. Everything about her is beyond perfect – from head to toe. Her dark flowing hair reminds him of a flock of goats slowly descending a hillside in an undulating pattern. At this point in the evening, everything is operating in slow motion for Solomon. His mind is fully engaged in the moment.

The Scriptures declare Solomon to be the wisest man who ever lived.

God gave Solomon wisdom and understanding beyond measure, and breadth of mind like the sand on the seashore, so that Solomon’s wisdom surpassed the wisdom of all the people of the east and all the wisdom of Egypt. For he was wiser than all other men… – 1 Kings 4:29-31 ESV

We also know that Solomon was a prolific writer, having authored 3,000 proverbs and 1005 songs (1 King 4:32). But when it came time to record his first impressions of his bride on their wedding night, it was as if Solomon’s writing skills abandoned him. He is stringing words together in a stream of consciousness that flows from his heart but seems to fail to engage with his mind. Whether his bride would have found any of these descriptions to be flattering is difficult to say. But Solomon means each and every one of them.

And as he works his way down from her eyes to her hair, then from her mouth to her neck, things begin to heat up. By the time he reaches her breasts, Solomon’s intensity level has reached a fever pitch. It’s almost as if his physical passions have taken over and his mental faculties have completely disengaged. His descriptions reach the point of no return as he desperately tries to communicate what he is seeing and how it is impacting him. For the reader, this is painfully awkward territory. One almost wants to scream, “Put your pen down, Solomon!”

But the writer in Solomon can’t stop himself from trying to convey his thoughts at that intimate and intensely satisfying moment.

“Your two breasts are like two fawns,
    twins of a gazelle,
    that graze among the lilies.” – Song of Solomon 4:5 ESV

One can only hope that Solomon wrote all this after the fact. Surely these were not the words he spoke to his bride on their wedding night. It becomes almost comical to think about Solomon waxing grandiloquent as he gazed at the naked body of his bride. While intended to be flattering, his words paint a rather bizarre image that is difficult to reconcile with the intimate nature of the moment. Once again, the reader is left to hurry past the sheer awkwardness of Solomon’s passion-induced prose disguised as poetry and, thankfully, he provides a much-needed respite.

In the following verses, Solomon calls his bride to leave behind her past and join him in their new life together.

“Come with me from Lebanon, my bride,
    come with me from Lebanon.
Come down from Mount Amana,
    from the peaks of Senir and Hermon,
where the lions have their dens
    and leopards live among the hills.” – Song of Solomon 4:8 NLT

Their wedding night is just the beginning of a grand new adventure in which they will forge a new path as husband and wife. Solomon is clearly excited about the prospect of walking through life with his new bride and her physical beauty certainly makes the prospect of a long and happy marriage that much more attractive. He uses a series of phrases to convey her hold over him.

“You have captured my heart…” – vs 9 (NLT)

“You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes…” – vs 9 (NLT)

“Your love delights me…” – vs 10 (NLT)

“Your love is better than wine…” – vs 10 (NLT)

“Your lips are as sweet as nectar…” – vs 11 (NLT)

“You are my private garden, my treasure…” – vs 12 (NLT)

This man is in love and, as before, he cannot stop himself from expressing that love with a steady flow of rhetorical flourishes that seem excessively overwrought. It’s not that he’s trying too hard but that his love has literally left him without the proper words to express what he is thinking and feeling. This author par excellence has become like a giddy schoolboy trying to pen a love letter to his first junior-high crush.

And the entire chapter ends with his bride inviting Solomon to stop talking and consummate their marital relationship. It was time to put down the pen and experience life together, with all its God-ordained passions, pleasures, and joys. This was to be a moment neither one of them would soon forget and it perfectly reflects the beauty of the intimate relationship that God had in mind when He created man and woman and placed them in the bounds of the marital union He had designed for them.

This passage, while somewhat difficult to read because of its awkward intimacy, is designed to paint a glowing image of God’s gracious plan for sexuality and marital intimacy. The author of Hebrews provides a stern warning to preserve the sanctity of marriage at all costs.

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. – Hebrews 13:4 NLT

The wedding night of Solomon and his bride was meant to seal the covenant they had made to one another in their wedding ceremony. They were now committed to one another for life – in the eyes of God. And as Jesus so poignantly put it, “They are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6 ESV).

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.