marriage

Her Holiness Trumps Your Happiness

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. – Ephesians 5:25-33 ESV

In the previous two verses, Paul stated that wives are to submit to their husbands. That’s not exactly a popular topic among most women today. It sounds so archaic and comes across as demeaning and dismissive of women. But we must remember that this entire section of Paul’s letter is calling all believers to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. His reference to wives and husbands was simply a practical application of what mutual submission looks like in real life.

But the one thing that gets overlooked in this whole discussion of submission is the interrelatedness that God intends. In His divine plan, submission was not intended to be a one-way affair. Yes, wives were expected to submit to their husbands, but notice that Paul calls husbands to love their wives. And here is the important distinction: Believing husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. There is an inferred expectation of sacrifice and selflessness involved in the kind of love Paul is describing. It is an other-oriented love that suppresses its own rights and desires for the well-being of another.

However, Paul goes on to describe this kind of love as a form of self-love, because “husbands should love their wives as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5:28 ESV). For the husband, there is no me-versus-her agenda. In God’s eyes, his very existence is permanently linked to that of his wife. That is why Jesus taught that it was God’s will that a husband and wife become “one flesh.”

But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,  and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” – Mark 10:6-9 ESV

The husband is to value his wife’s life as much as his own. It is as if she has become a part of him. He is to love her as he loves his own body, nourishing and cherishing her in the same way that Christ does the church. Christ not only sacrificed His life for the church, but He also constantly intercedes on Her behalf. Even now, His full attention is focused on the church. Paul tells us, “Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us” (Romans 8:34 NLT). Paul then goes on to ask, “Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love?” (Romans 8:35 NLT). This rhetorical question is meant to be answered with a resounding “No!”

In the same way, there is nothing that should separate the love of a husband for his wife. Nothing she says or does should cause him to fall out of love with her. Now that is a tall order and a high expectation, but Paul doesn’t stop there. He adds that the husband is to make it his life’s goal to sanctify his wife, sometimes despite her and without her full cooperation. Even when she refuses to submit to him, he is to sanctify her.

But what does Paul mean when he calls husbands to sanctify their wives? Isn’t that the job of the Spirit of God? Paul is using Christ’s love for the church as an illustration of the kind of love men are to have for their wives. Christ gave Himself up for the church, sacrificing His life so that the church might be sanctified. The Greek word Paul used is hagiazō, which means “to set apart, consecrate, or make holy.” Earlier in his letter, Paul wrote that God “blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him” (Ephesians 1:3-4 ESV).

God’s desire is for His people to be holy or set apart, living in a way that reflects their status as His children. But sinfulness prevented us from living set-apart lives. Our unrighteousness kept us from living up to God’s holy standard.

For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. – Romans 3:23 NLT

Jesus made our holiness possible by His sacrificial death on the cross.

Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. – Romans 3:24-25 NLT

Jesus sacrificed His life so that we could be made holy in God’s eyes. He took on our sin and imputed His righteousness to us. He did for us what we could not do for ourselves. And, in the same way, a believing husband should make his wife’s holiness his highest priority. Her holiness should take precedence over his own happiness. God has appointed husbands to steward their wives’ sanctification. While a godly husband cannot make his wife holy, he should always treat her as such. She is a gift from God, and He has charged the husband with caring for her spiritual well-being at all costs.  

Paul says that Christ cleansed the church by the washing of water with the word. This appears to refer to the gospel, the good news of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. Every believer who hears the gospel message and places their faith in Christ is cleansed from their sins. Water baptism is a statement of that reality as the believer is lowered into the water and symbolically “cleansed” from their sins. The emphasis in verse 26 is sanctification. It is not a command for men to read the Word over their wives in some kind of ritualistic purification rite.

It was Jesus’ death on the cross that provided their cleansing from sin. The point Paul seems to be making is that Jesus gave Himself up “so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:27 ESV). In the same way, the husband is to give himself up for his wife’s spiritual edification; her holiness is to be his highest priority. His chief desire is for her to experience the fullness of life Jesus died for her to have (John 10:10). But that will require sacrifice, selflessness, and submission to the will of God. When a godly husband makes his wife’s holiness his highest priority, his own happiness will have to take a backseat.

Submission is difficult; our natural inclination is to refuse any thought of submitting to someone else. Loving as Christ loved is also a formidable task and runs counter to our natural disposition toward self-centeredness and self-preservation. But we have to remember that Paul is calling us to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called” (Ephesians 4:1 ESV). He is challenging us to undertake some serious remodeling.

…put off your old self…and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. – Ephesians 4:22,24 ESV

He commands us to “walk in love, as Christ loved us” (Ephesians 5:2 ESV), as children of light (Ephesians 5:8).

Marriage is one of the primary venues God has chosen for us to model Christlikeness. He intended the marriage union to be a constant illustration of Christ and His love relationship with the church. It is to be a picture of Christ’s sacrificial love and the church’s obedient submission working in unison to accomplish God’s will. So Paul writes, “let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:22 ESV). When we do, it is for the good of our marriage and the glory of God, and serves as a living testimony of our calling as His children.

Father, these are difficult verses and seem almost impossible to carry out in real life. Loving my wife with the same intensity and all-out commitment that Christ displayed for the church seems like a tall order that is beyond my capacity to pull off. But I know You never ask me to do anything in my own strength. As Jesus told His disciples, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26 ESV). I can love my wife as Christ loved the church because You have placed Your Spirit within me and equipped me with all the power I need to do the impossible. By Your divine power, You have given me everything I need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), including loving my wife selflessly and sacrificially. But, even then, I can still gravitate back to pursuing my happiness. I can easily place my desire for self-preservation and personal pleasure ahead of Your call to love my wife. I can even make my spiritual growth a higher priority than hers. But Jesus said, “It shall not be this way among you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant” (Matthew 20:26 BSB). And Jesus practiced what He preached, all the way to the cross, You are not asking that I die for my wife, but You are expecting me to die to myself. You are commanding me to love my wife selflessly and sacrificially, just as Your Son loved the church. Yes, it’s a tall order, but with You, all things are possible.  Amen

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The God-Ordained Mission of Submission

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. – Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV

In verse 21, Paul called the Ephesians to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21 NLT). This admonition was stated in the context of doing God’s will and living in a way that pleases Him. But to many contemporary Christians, submission is a four-letter word that conjures up images of slave-like subjugation and subservience. Verses 23-24 strike fear into the hearts of many pastors and cause them to avoid them like the plague. If they preach these verses at all, they present them as a culturally driven anomaly with little or no application for modern-day believers.

Many view this passage as old-fashioned, a throwback to some cultural context that has no bearing on our more sophisticated modern milieu. They conclude that Paul was writing to a people trapped in an antiquated social structure that no longer applies. Either that, or he was just misogynistic and trying to keep women in their “proper” place.

But what most of us fail to realize is that submission is a non-negotiable requirement of every believer in Christ. These two verses, like so many others in Scripture, are typically lifted from their context and treated in isolation. But Paul has been talking about how believers are to live their lives, calling them to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called” (Ephesians 4:1 ESV). He repeats that thought in Chapter 5.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. – Ephesians 5:15-16 ESV

The New Living Translation translates verse 15 as “So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.” Paul was calling the Ephesian believers to live differently from their unsaved neighbors. Their behavior was to set them apart as children of God. They were to walk in love, as children of light, exhibiting the wisdom of God, not the foolishness of the world.

The verses that often get overlooked when dealing with this passage are located right before it. In them, Paul gives an admonition to every believer, male or female.

…be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. – Ephesians 5:18-21 ESV

Submission is expected of every follower of Christ. A lifestyle of submission is one of humility and honor, not subservience and servitude. When done properly, it reveres Christ by modeling the very lifestyle He lived. Jesus Himself described His mission in terms of submission and a servant-like attitude.

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” – Matthew 20:28 NLT

The apostle Paul told the believers in Corinth to imitate Christ’s example.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. – Philippians 2:5-7 NLT

This has nothing to do with Jesus’ rights. As the Son of God, He was divine and all-powerful. He created the world and all those who lived in it. Yet He was willing to submit to His Father’s will and set aside His divine privileges and prerogatives in order to serve mankind by sacrificing His life.

In the upper room, on the night that Jesus was to be betrayed and arrested, He washed His disciples’ feet. Setting aside His robe, He wrapped Himself in a towel and did what none of the others would have dared to do. As He knelt before them, performing the role of a lowly servant, Jesus told His disciples, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand” (John 13:7 ESV).

When He finished, Jesus said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them” (John 13:12-17 ESV).

Jesus’ act of submission was meant to be a living lesson for the disciples about what their lives would be like in the days to come. He was calling them to a life of service and sacrifice, where their wills would take a back seat to God’s. He expected them to submit to one another out of reverence for God and love for one another. Titles were not to stand in the way. Rights were to be set aside. Status was to be ignored. Submission was to become a key characteristic of their lives. And what the disciples did not yet understand was that Jesus’ demonstration of foot-washing was simply a foreshadowing of His ultimate act of service on the cross.

When James and John, two of Jesus’ disciples, came to Him and arrogantly asked for positions of prominence in His coming Kingdom, the rest of the disciples became angry and jealous. Jesus denied their request by presenting them with a radically different expectation for their futures.

“You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” – Mark 10:42-45 ESV

Among you, it will be different. In His Kingdom, sovereignty would be marked by slavery, and honor would be achieved through humility.

So what does all this have to do with wives submitting to their husbands? In this chapter, Paul will use a number of earthly relationships to illustrate Christian submission. He will talk about husbands and wives, children and parents, and slaves and masters. As believers, we do not operate in a vacuum. We are not independent agents, acting on our own and focused solely on our individual walk with God. We live in a communal context. Wives have husbands, and it is in that context that they are to practice submission.

Notice that Paul says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands;” he does NOT say that all women are to submit to ALL men. Paul’s discussion of submission has nothing to do with the value or significance of women in general; it has everything to do with the context of marriage. What more difficult place to practice submission than in a marriage?

Just as the disciples would never have lowered themselves to wash the feet of one another, wives will find it difficult to submit to their husbands, especially if their husbands fail to love as Paul commands. Yet submission is non-optional and is a willing coming under the other, recognizing them as more important than yourself. This is what Paul told the believers in Philippi.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2:3-4 ESV

A wife’s submission is NOT an admission of her husband’s superiority, but a recognition of God’s divine order. He has made the husband the head of the household, not because He is smarter, more spiritual, or even better equipped to lead, but so that there might be order in the home. God holds the husband responsible, just as He held Adam to a higher standard than Eve when it came to their mutual sin against Him.

Submission is essential to every relationship in which we find ourselves as Christians, and it is one of the hardest things for us to do. We long to be first and tend to view ourselves as better than others. We long to be in control, but when we submit to others, we are really submitting to God. We are coming under His divine authority and recognizing His righteous order for His creation.

At the end of the day, submission is about trusting God. It involves the realization that He is in control and has authority over the husband. A believing wife must submit to her husband “as to the Lord,” trusting God to lead him and protect her. But the temptation will be to step in and take over, especially when the husband fails to lead and love well. But when the wife attempts to take over, she is actually stepping outside God’s ordained plan. Submission will not always make sense and will not always appear to work. It may even be uncomfortable at times. But even Jesus humbled Himself to the point of death, offering Himself as a ransom for many. Submission is not a dirty word; it is the God-ordained way of life for every believer.

Father, subnission is difficult for all of us. We inherently want to be in charge and dislike playing second fiddle to anyone. We even find it hard to submit to those we love and respect. But, ultimately, we are not submitting to another person, we are submitting to You. That is why Paul makes it clear that wives are to submit “as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22 ESV). Our submission is to be focused on Your will, trusting that You know what is best for us. As Paul told the Colossians, we are to work willingly at whatever we do, as though we are working for the Lord rather than for people (Colossians 3:23) Submission is countercultural and, oftentimes, counterintuitive. As the Son of God and Creator of the universe, Your Son had every right to demand the submission and subjugation of humanity. But “though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:6-8 ESV). And You have called us to follow His example and live out that same sacrificial, selfless lifestyle in all our relationships. With the Spirit’s help, we can do it, and when we do it, we imitate Christ and glorify You. Amen

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Hair, Headship, and Holiness

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

2 Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. 3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 4 Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, 5 but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. 6 For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head. 7 For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. 8 For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. 9 Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 10 That is why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. 11 Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; 12 for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God. 13 Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a wife to pray to God with her head uncovered? 14 Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, 15 but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering. 16 If anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor do the churches of God. – 1 Corinthians 11:2-16 ESV

What in the world is Paul talking about in this passage? There is little debate that this is one of the hottestly debated sections in the Bible. There are those who write it off as just another example of Paul’s male chauvinism and unbridled misogyny. Others believe that we are obligated to adhere to Paul’s teaching regarding hair length and head coverings in the church today. Some have determined that Paul is addressing a cultural issue unique to Corinth that has no bearing on the modern church.

But if all Scripture “is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16 ESV), then it would seem prudent to discover what Paul is trying to tell us in these verses. Obviously, some of what Paul is addressing is cultural and contextual, and has to do with believers living in the Greek city of Corinth. They had to operate in an environment markedly different from the one in which we live. But that does not mean Paul’s remarks are entirely irrelevant or non-binding for the rest of us. There are timeless truths taught within these verses that apply to us as well.

The challenge is to discover the non-negotiable principles intended for the church in every age, and not to allow ourselves to be distracted or deterred by the seemingly incongruous and archaic arguments of Paul. Verse 3 is essential to understanding what Paul is trying to say in the passage:

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. – 1 Corinthians 11:3 ESV

The real point of this passage is authority; more specifically, God-ordained authority. As you can imagine, in the cultural context of Corinth in which Paul was trying to preach and teach, there were some strong objections to much of what he had to say. And the topic of authority or headship was one of the more controversial. So he lays out the God-ordained order of things:

The head of (authority over) Christ is God

The head of (authority over) man is Christ

The head of (authority over) the wife is her husband

Paul states that man, who was created by God, is “the image and glory of God” (1 Corinthians 11:7a ESV). Then he adds that “woman is the glory of man” (1 Corinthians 11:7b) because she was made from man. The creation account tells us that Eve was created by God from one of Adam’s ribs. So, Paul concludes, “man was not made from woman, but woman from man” (1 Corinthians 11:8 ESV). And while Paul does not state it directly, he infers that Jesus came from God, but not in the sense that He was created by God, because Jesus, like God, is eternal. The apostle John made this point quite clear in the opening of the gospel that bears his name.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. – John 1:1-4 ESV

But Jesus’ birth and incarnation were the work of God. Mary conceived because of the Spirit of God. All of this is to say that God has ordained an irrevocable order to things, and ever since the fall, mankind has been trying to turn that order on its head. It is interesting to note that, as a result of eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, Eve received a very specific curse. God said, “You will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you” (Genesis 3:16 NLT). One of the things that caused the fall to happen in the first place was that Adam failed to honor his God-ordained headship by allowing Eve to disobey the expressed will of God. It was to Adam that God had given His command not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. However, Adam gave Eve the lead and allowed her to make the decision. So, “she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too” (Genesis 3:6 NLT).

The issue of head coverings and hair length appears to be culturally influenced. The real point is headship and the proper expression of it. A woman wearing a veil or head covering as a sign of submission to her husband’s authority, while culturally acceptable, did not necessarily mean that she was truly submissive. A man wearing his hair short as a sign of submission to the authority of God did not necessarily mean he actually lived under that authority. The outward evidences of submission mean nothing if the inward expression of submission is missing.

The bottom line about authority, headship, and submission is that each of us ultimately submits to God. Paul states, “But among the Lord’s people, women are not independent of men, and men are not independent of women. For although the first woman came from man, every other man was born from a woman, and everything comes from God” (1 Corinthians 11:11-12 NLT). There is a God-ordained inter-dependency at work here. Eve was made from Adam, but every male since Adam has come from a woman. It is not that men are more important or of more value to God than women; it is about divinely orchestrated authority and responsibility. 

If we are not careful, we will spend all our time debating head coverings and hair length and miss Paul’s primary point of headship. There comes a point at which we have to reconcile ourselves with God’s will, even when it seems to contradict the world’s patterns and our own preferences. Jesus submitted to the will of God, even though it meant His death. Paul submitted to the will of Christ, taking the gospel to the Gentiles, even though his efforts were met with rejection and persecution.

Men are to submit to Christ, acknowledging Him as their head, even though it means giving up their rights and learning to love sacrificially and selflessly. Wives are to submit to their husbands and daughters are to submit to their fathers, as to the Lord. This divine order of things does not imply that the husband or father is wiser or knows better. As Paul told the Ephesians, each of us is to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21 NLT). And Peter reminds us, “humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor” (1 Peter 5:6 NLT).

We may not understand all that Paul is saying here; we may not even like what we do understand. But we must trust that God’s will regarding headship and submission is best. We must submit to His will and trust His wisdom. This passage has a lot more to say about holiness than it does about hair. God’s will regarding headship is not arbitrary or optional. He has a divine purpose behind all His commands, and the way they manifest will remain consistent over time, although their application may vary by cultural context. Are head coverings mandatory for women in the church? That question remains a hot-button topic in some denominations. But Paul’s greater concern was the state of the heart, not the exposure of one’s hair. He was addressing the matter of headship, not head coverings.

Is it sinful for men to wear hats? If we take this passage too literally, those are the kinds of conclusions we can draw from Paul’s words. But he would argue that we are missing the forest for the trees. In the first-century context of Corinth, head coverings for women were a societal norm.

“In the Corinthian culture, women normally wore a head covering as a symbol of their submission to their husbands. Paul affirms the rightness of following that cultural mandate—to dispense with the head coverings on women would send the entirely wrong signal to the culture at large. In fact, Paul says that, if a Christian woman refuses her head covering, she might as well shave her hair off, too (verse 6). A woman who refused to wear a covering in that culture was basically saying, “I refuse to submit to God’s order.” Therefore, the apostle Paul is teaching the Corinthians that hair length or the wearing of a “covering” by the woman was an outward indication of a heart attitude of submission to God and to His established authority.” – “Should Christian Women Wear Head Coverings.” GotQuestions.org. https://www.gotquestions.org/head-coverings.html.

Paul was encouraging the new believers in Corinth to refrain from doing anything that might damage Christ’s reputation in their community. Women without head coverings would have been unacceptable in their cultural context. Men who covered their hair would have been viewed as effeminate and unmanly. This kind of behavior would have sent mixed signals to the unbelievers in Corinth, painting the church in a negative light. But, for Paul, the issue was always about headship and following God’s divine order. He wanted believers to live in a way that honored God by submitting to His divine order.

Father, You have established an order for Your creation and, as Your children, we have been charged with maintaining that order as Your servants. You made man and woman in Your image, and we are to reflect that image to the world. You created marriage to reveal Your glory to the world as the husband and wife mirror Your sacrificial love and selfless service for one another in the roles You pre-ordained for them. We get into trouble when we decide we know better than You do. We create confusion and conflict when we try to rethink and reorder Your divine plan for the roles and relationships You have established. Chaos ensues, conflict erupts, and our role as Your image-bearers becomes blurry to a lost world that desperately needs to see Your will lived out in real time and clarity. Give us the strength to live out our calling according to Your will and not our own — for Your glory and the good of all those around us. Amen

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Joy of a Distraction-Free Life

/ kdmiller55 / 3 Comments

32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. 37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. 38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40 Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God. – 1 Corinthians 7:32-40 ESV

There is little doubt that Paul’s view is a bit idealistic. His motivation is sincere, but he is looking at the situation through the lens of his own life. He was a single man who had totally dedicated his life to the mission of spreading the gospel among the Gentile nations. He was totally committed to the commission given to him by Christ and would not allow anything or anyone to distract him. When Paul said, “I wish that all were as I myself am” (1 Corinthians 7:7 ESV), he was referring to his singleness. To the unmarried, he stated his opinion that “it is good for them to remain single as I am” (1 Corinthians 7:8 ESV).

Paul knew that life could be difficult and was full of commitments and requirements on one’s time. There are the daily demands of life, such as work, providing for one’s family, relational issues, as well as societal demands and expectations. For the married individual, those things multiply exponentially. Which is why Paul advocated singleness. But this is where his idealistic nature comes out. He says, “the unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32 ESV). In an ideal world, an undistracted, fully dedicated Christ-follower may find himself “anxious about the things of the Lord,” but not necessarily. There are plenty of unmarried men and women who find themselves anxious about anything and everything but the Lord. Singleness is not an antidote to spiritual distraction or the cure for an anemic commitment to Christ.

There is little doubt that the fewer earthly commitments and distractions we have, the easier it should be for us to dedicate our time and attention to the things of God. But it doesn’t always work out that way.

Paul writes, “the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:33 ESV). He is not saying a husband’s commitment to care for the needs of his wife and family is wrong. He is simply emphasizing the reality that the married individual will have a more difficult time finding the time to serve God without neglecting his family. Again, Paul is not indicating that caring for one’s wife and family is somehow unspiritual or insignificant. In reality, Paul knew well that a Christian was required by God to love his or her spouse and family well. They were to live out their faith in Christ within the context of the marriage union and display a Christ-like determination to love sacrificially and selflessly.

To be a godly wife or husband is a huge commitment, and that seems to be Paul’s point. As a single man, Paul was completely free to go and do whatever God demanded of him. He had few, if any, commitments that would keep him from responding to God’s call on his life.

Ideally, “the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit” (1 Corinthians 7:34 ESV). For Paul, singleness brought a singularity of focus, and he longed for others to experience that same freedom from earthly commitments and concerns. It wasn’t that he experienced no anxiety in his life, but that any anxious moments he had were usually associated with his mission as God’s apostle. Any worries he experienced were not about domestic issues, but about the state of the church.

At one point, Paul told the Galatians, “I am again in the anguish of childbirth until Christ is formed in you!” (Galatians 4:12 ESV). His concern for their spiritual growth was like that of a woman anxiously enduring the pains of labor as she waits for her child to be born, healthy and whole. Paul had few worldly distractions. He didn’t have a “honey-do” list, carpool duties, soccer games to attend, recitals to sit through, or do-it-yourself tasks to perform around the house. He was free to worry about the things of God, and he desired that same level of freedom for every believer. That is why he wrote, “ I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible” (1 Corinthians 7:36 NLT).

Paul makes it clear that he is not making the state of singleness more spiritual than that of marriage. To get married was not a sin, and to remain single did not make you a super saint. For Paul, it was a matter of practicality. Single people face fewer distractions and demands. They have more discretion regarding their time.  Paul told Timothy, “No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him” (2 Timothy 2:4 ESV). He seems to have had in mind a stipulation within the Mosaic law.

When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken. – Deuteronomy 24:5 ESV

Undivided attention is difficult when you have divided allegiances. Paul’s primary point in all of this has to do with devotion to God. He believed strongly that he was living in the last days and conducted his life as if Christ could return at any moment. There was no time to waste. The gospel needed to be taken to the ends of the earth. The message of salvation through faith alone in Christ alone needed to be heard by every person on every continent. To accomplish that formidable mission, Paul knew he needed the help of every able-bodied believer. He simply wanted the Corinthians to know that he was out to secure their undivided devotion to the Lord.

I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. – 1 Corinthians 7:35 NLT

As Jesus said, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few” (Luke 10:2 ESV). That is the motivating force behind Paul’s words. He lived with the end in mind and deeply desired that every believer would share his passion for proclaiming the good news of Jesus Christ and experience the joy of a distraction-free life dedicated to the cause of Christ.

Father, it is difficult to argue with Paul’s logic, but it is also difficult to accept his conclusion. As a happily married man, I know firsthand that the role of a husband is full of distractions. My wife could easily testify to the many times I have made her walk with the Lord harder than it has to be. But we both know that God has used our marriage relationship to sanctify and perfect us. I strongly believe that we have accomplished more for the kingdom together than we would have even done on our own. Yet, I hear what Paul is saying. I understand his desire to see more believers sold out to the cause of Christ. Show my wife and me how to use our marriage for the good of the Kingdom. Don’t allow us to turn our divinely ordained union into a self-consumed, it’s-all-about-us relationship that loses sight of the Great Commission and fails to put the needs of others first. Amen

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

A Healthy Perspective on Life

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

25 Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. 29 This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 30 and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, 31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. – 1 Corinthians 7:25-31 ESV

For the second time, Paul uses the phrase, “now concerning.” It would appear that he is answering yet another question that he had received from the church in Corinth regarding particular matters they were struggling with. He opened this chapter with the words, “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote” (1 Corinthians 7:1 ESV). He has addressed the topic of sexual abstinence, agreeing that it is good, but that due to sexual temptation, it would be better to get married than to “burn with passion.”

He has warned that sexual abstinence within marriage is viable only under one condition: that the couple do so to dedicate themselves to prayer. Otherwise, they should act as if their bodies do not belong to themselves, but to one another. Paul has indicated his desire that those who are single remain so, so that they might dedicate all their energies to serving the Lord. But he knew that to do so and remain sexually pure would require a special gifting from God. Without divine assistance, they would be better off getting married.

Those married to unbelievers should not seek a divorce, but remain in their marriage and have a godly influence on their spouse and children. In summary, Paul was encouraging everyone to remain as they were when God called them. There was no need to seek a radical change in circumstance. What God required of them was a change of heart. Slaves should seek to be godly slaves, rather than spending all their time obsessed with gaining their freedom. Believing husbands should not seek to divorce their wives. Everyone needed to understand that the greatest change in their lives had already taken place; they had been restored to a right relationship with God Almighty. They were children of God, whether they were free or enslaved, married or single, circumcised or uncircumcised. It was their relationship with God that set them apart, not their particular circumstances.

Now, Paul turns his attention to the singles within the church. The Greek word he uses is παρθένος (parthenos), and it can refer to a virgin, a marriageable woman, a single man who has remained sexually pure, or an unmarried daughter. In this context, it would seem that the term, as Paul uses it, “refers to young, engaged women who were under the influence of various groups within the Corinthian church, not to go through with their marriages. The central issue would then be whether the young men and women should continue with their plans and finalize their marriages” (NET Bible Study Notes).

In Paul’s day, fathers were the ones who determined who their illegible daughters would marry, so he is addressing them with these comments. But he most likely has single men in mind as well. The issue remains the same. The Corinthians have a misunderstanding regarding the spiritual and physical dimensions of life. They had been heavily influenced by the philosophy of dualism, and there were those within the church who were advocating abstinence from marriage altogether. Why? Because they viewed sexual activity as evil and unspiritual, because it involved the body. Dualism taught that anything done in the body was either evil and to be avoided or didn’t matter at all. This latter view could lead to license, where anything was permissible because the body was non-essential. It could result in asceticism, a rigorous form of self-denial.

To address this issue and to deal with the singles in the church, Paul repeats that it would be best to remain as they are. If they were single, they should remain so. And he gives a more detailed explanation of his answer this time.

Because of the present crisis, I think it is best to remain as you are.– 1 Corinthians 7:26 NLT

It is unclear what Paul means by “the present crisis”, but it would appear from the context that he is talking about the end times. He also says, “the appointed time has grown very short” (1 Corinthians 7:29 ESV). Paul held a strong belief that the end of the age was near, and it strongly impacted his approach to life. He told the Corinthians, “the present form of this world is passing away” (1 Corinthians 7:31 ESV)because he strongly believed that the return of Christ was near and that each believer should live with a sense of anticipation and eager expectation that He could appear at any moment. With that in mind, Paul encourages the singles within the church to remain as they are. But he also makes it clear that they are perfectly free to marry should they choose to do so.

But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. – 1 Corinthians 7:28a NLT

He plainly refutes the false view of the ascetics and dualists. But he also makes it clear that he believes the days ahead will be difficult for everyone.

…those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems. – 1 Corinthians 7:28b NLT

Paul knew from first-hand experience that life as a believer was difficult. Persecution was an everyday reality for Christians in that day. Rejection and ridicule were to be expected. Even Jesus warned His disciples, “The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you” (John 15:19 NLT). He went on to warn them, “Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you” (John 15:20 NLT).

The bottom line for Paul was that every believer needed to focus on living for Christ. They needed to have a single-minded devotion to their faith, living with their hopes and passions fixed on the future, not the present. He even provides some curious and seemingly confusing advice.

…let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. – 1 Corinthians 7:29-21 ESV

He is not advising married individuals to act as if they aren’t married, and he is not advocating the neglect of your spouse. He is simply saying that marriage cannot be your sole focus in life. As believing couples, they were to make it their mutual goal to live for Christ and to make an impact for the kingdom through their marriage. Those who found themselves experiencing difficulty were not to spend all their time mourning over their problems, but they were to replace their temporal concerns with an eternal focus. Those with money were not to live as if material things were the most important thing in life. Those who enjoyed all the things this world has to offer, such as power, possessions, and pleasure,  should hold them with open hands, because this world is passing away.

Debates about marriage and singleness, abstinence and avoidance, spirituality and worldliness, were all a waste of time if believers do not remember who they are in Christ. The distractions and difficulties that come with living in a fallen world can cause us to forget why we are here. Paul’s life was gospel-driven; he saw himself as a citizen of the Kingdom of Heaven, not of this earth. He lived with the end in view, and he longed for the Corinthians to have the same mindset and embrace his outlook on life

I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. – Philippians 3:13-14 NLT

Father, Paul can sometimes come across as harsh and a bit of a spoilssport. Yet, he had a healthy view of reality. He knew that salvation came with high expectations and the high probabiliity of tribulation. The Corinthian believers were already suffering for their faith and wrestling with how to balance their devotion to God with the everyday pressures of life. Paul was simply focusing their attention on what really mattered: that their lives would bring glory to God. I want that same thing for my life. I don’t want to get distracted by the cares of this world. I want to be a good husband, father, grandfather, pastor, employee, neighbor, friend, and citizen of my community. But more than anything else, I want my life to glorify You and I want to live with the end in mind.  Amen

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Submission is Not a Dirty Word

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

1 Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven. – Colossians 3:18-4:1 ESV

Paul now takes those other-oriented, selfless, and love-motivated character traits and applies them to everyday life. Since he was writing to believers living in Colossae, he customized his words for their particular context. He wanted them to know what seeking and setting their minds on things that are above would look like on a daily basis. He wasn’t promoting an ethereal and impractical brand of religious pietism and asceticism. No, he was recommending a highly practical brand of faith that revealed the transformative nature of the gospel in everyday life.

They were to “put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator” (Colossians 3:10 ESV). As God’s chosen ones, they were to put on “compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience” (Colossians 3:12 ESV). But none of these “add-ons” would be effective without love.

…put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony… – Colossians 3:14 ESV

Since God is love and He best expressed that love through the gift of His Son, Paul called the Colossians to “do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus” (Colossians 3:17 ESV). But what does that look like? How were they supposed to make these powerful admonitions practical? Well, Paul makes it plain and simple for them. He begins with the family unit, one of the most foundational and universal arenas of personal relationships in this life.

The family was God’s idea. He originated and ordained the union of one man and one woman, creating an indissoluble bond between them as husband and wife. The creation account found in the opening chapters of Genesis records God’s creation of the first marriage.

So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
    because she was taken out of Man.”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. – Genesis 2:21-24 ESV

Jesus Himself confirmed the validity of the Genesis account by stating, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:4-6 ESV).

So, Paul begins at the beginning – with the family unit. He calls believing wives to submit to their believing husbands. But he adds an important, yet often overlooked, distinction: “as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18 ESV). The New Living Translation puts it this way: “as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.”

Paul’s use of the word “submission” was directly linked to his call that all believers conduct themselves with compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. If there was ever a relationship where those characteristics were necessary, it was the union between a husband and wife. So, he calls wives to lovingly, humbly, meekly, and patiently relate to their husbands in such a way that honors their role as the God-appointed head of the household. Paul provided additional insight into the headship role of the husband when writing to the church in Ephesus.

…submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. – Ephesians 5:21-24 NLT

The biblical concept of submission has nothing to do with superiority or inferiority. Paul is not suggesting that women are somehow second-class citizens. He is simply articulating the divinely ordained concept of headship within the family unit. Just as Christ is the head of the church, the believing husband is responsible for the well-being of his family, and that role comes with a heavy dose of accountability.

Paul made it painfully clear that one of the primary leadership responsibilities of a godly husband was to selflessly love his wife. Once again, Paul provides further clarity in his letter to the church in Ephesus.

…this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. – Ephesians 5:25-26 NLT

To lovingly and graciously submit to her husband, a wife must surrender her pride and natural desire for autonomy. In other words, she would have to “put off the old self with its practices” (Colossians 3:9 ESV). Submission doesn’t come naturally or easily for anyone. It requires a sacrifice of the human will. For anyone to submit in a way that “is fitting for those who belong to the Lord” (Colossians 3:18 NLT), they have to “put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within” (Colossians 3:18 NLT). And according to Peter, submission isn’t required for wives alone. He calls all believers to model godly submission to all those in authority.

Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God… – 1 Peter 2:13-15 ESV

Regardless of their gender, each believer’s life is to be marked by an attitude of humble submission to others – for this is the will of God. According to Paul, one of the greatest displays of dying to self was to be a husband’s selfless expression of love for his wife. He was to put his wife’s life ahead of his own, even sacrificing his own life if necessary.

At the core of Paul’s teaching on submission is the contrast between humility and pride. There was no place for self-aggrandizement in the life of a believer.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2:3-4 BSB

Even children had a part to play in God’s divine order for the home. They were to obey their parents in everything. Why? Because this was pleasing to the Lord. It was in keeping with His divine will. A child’s obedience was a form of submission to the God-ordained authority of their parents. Again, this is not normal or natural. As the proverb states, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child…” (Proverbs 22:15 BSB).

It’s interesting to note that the disobedience of children was one of the characteristics Paul listed when describing the state of the world in the last days.

You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. – 2 Timothy 3:1-4 NLT

But, according to Paul, an obedient child is the byproduct of a loving and godly father.

Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged. – Colossians 3:21 NLT

Proverbs 22 goes on to say, “A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness, but physical discipline will drive it far away” (Proverbs 22:15 NLT). Yet, too much discipline, done in an unloving and heavy-handed manner, can do more harm than good. It can cause a child to become discouraged. Discipline that is unloving and lacking in compassion can disincentivize a child from trying to obey. It can actually result in rebellion rather than submission. So, Paul warns fathers to use their role as heads of their households with care.

Next, Paul moves from addressing the family unit to dealing with another relationship that was ubiquitous in the Colossian community: slavery. While we find this topic uncomfortable and somewhat off-putting, it was a normal part of everyday life for the citizens of Colossae.

“Scholars estimate about 10% (but possibly up to 20%) of the Roman empire’s population were enslaved. This would mean, for an estimated Roman empire population of 50 million (in the first century AD) between five and ten million were enslaved. This number would have been unequally distributed across the empire, with a higher concentration of enslaved people in urban areas and in Italy.” – http://www.britishmuseum.org

Slavery was an everyday part of daily life in Colossae. Yet Paul doesn’t attempt to address the moral implications of slavery. Instead, he shows the Colossian believers how their new identity in Christ should impact every area of life. The reality was that slaves were coming to faith in Christ and becoming a part of the local congregation of believers. It was highly likely that the church in Colossae had slaves attending worship services with their own masters. This presented a particularly difficult problem for Paul and the church’s leadership. How were these people supposed to relate to one another? How should their mutual relationship with Christ impact their interpersonal relationship with one another?

Paul addresses both parties. He tells slaves, “obey your earthly masters in everything you do. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. Serve them sincerely because of your reverent fear of the Lord” (Colossians 3:22 NLT). Then he turns his attention to the masters.

…be just and fair to your slaves. Remember that you also have a Master—in heaven. – Colossians 4:1 NLT

Notice his emphasis on God. Both parties were to recognize that their earthly relationship with one another had been dramatically altered by their new identity in Christ. While nothing had changed regarding their worldly status, Paul wanted them to know that God viewed them in a new light.

In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us. – Colossians 3:11 NLT

Paul’s words to slaves teach an invaluable and universal lesson. These were individuals who had no choice regarding their condition. Their position as slaves required that they submit, whether they wanted to or not. But Paul challenged them to take a different attitude.

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ. – Colossians 3:23-24 NLT

This call to a new outlook applied to every believer in the local church in Colossae. It’s what Paul meant when he wrote, “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth” (Colossians 3:2 ESV). A slave was to live with an eternal perspective, knowing that his current circumstance was temporal. There was a reward awaiting him that made his present suffering pale in comparison. But that heavenly-minded, future-focused perspective was to motivate the life of every believer in Colossae, regardless of their gender, race, or social status.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

A Gift Worth Preserving and Appreciating

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

Her Brothers

8 We have a little sister,
    and she has no breasts.
What shall we do for our sister
    on the day when she is spoken for?
9 If she is a wall,
    we will build on her a battlement of silver,
but if she is a door,
    we will enclose her with boards of cedar.

She

10 I was a wall,
    and my breasts were like towers;
then I was in his eyes
    as one who finds peace.

11 Solomon had a vineyard at Baal-hamon;
    he let out the vineyard to keepers;
    each one was to bring for its fruit a thousand pieces of silver.
12 My vineyard, my very own, is before me;
    you, O Solomon, may have the thousand,
    and the keepers of the fruit two hundred.

He

13 O you who dwell in the gardens,
    with companions listening for your voice;
    let me hear it.

She

14 Make haste, my beloved,
    and be like a gazelle
or a young stag
    on the mountains of spices. – Song of Solomon 8:8-14 ESV

In these closing verses of the poem, there appears what must be the recollections of the woman’s brothers. Long before she was old enough to marry, they were watching over her sexual purity. When she was at an age “too young to have breasts” (Song of Solomon 8:8 NLT), they vowed to do everything in their power to protect her virginity so that she could present herself pure and undefiled to her husband on their wedding night. These loving brothers had agreed to serve as guardians of her purity.

If their young sister proved to have self-discipline and the ability to reject the impure advances of immoral men, they would provide her with an extra measure of protection.

If she is a virgin, like a wall,
    we will protect her with a silver tower. – Song of Solomon 8:9 NLT

The image is that of a battlement or protective wall. If their sister is willing to take all the proper measures to preserve her virginity, the brothers will assist her by acting as a watch tower.

“…if she has kept herself pure under their protective watch, they ‘will build on her a battlement of silver;’ that is, they will reward her virginity with their full blessing and support (‘silver’ perhaps referring to a generous dowry to be given to her husband). They will honor, celebrate, and adorn her self-protection with military splendor. She has fought the good right, and thus she shall be rewarded for her victory.” – Douglass Sean O‘Donnell – Song of Solomon: An Invitation to Intimacy

But what if their sister proved to be prone to promiscuity? Upon reaching puberty, she might decide to give in to the advances of young men who desired to rob her of her purity. In that case, the brothers would up their game and increase their vigilance.

But if she is promiscuous, like a swinging door,
    we will block her door with a cedar bar. – Song of Solomon 8:9 NLT

If she was incapable of controlling her sexual urges, the brothers would act as “guardians of the gate.” While she might not fully understand the value of her chastity, they did and were willing to protect it at all costs. It is likely that a few of her brothers were married men and understood the sanctity of the marriage bed. They had been fortunate to marry young women who had preserved their purity for their wedding night and they wanted that same joyful experience for their sister and her future husband.

It is unclear why the father is never mentioned in these verses, but it could be that he was deceased or simply unwilling to perform his parental duties. Whatever the case, the young woman was blessed to have brothers who took up the mantle of responsibility and served as her loving wall of security.

The efforts of the brothers proved to be effective because the young woman confesses, “I was a virgin, like a wall” (Song of Solomon 8:10 NLT). As an adolescent young girl, she had maintained her purity like a wall – with the loving assistance of her brothers. As a result, she was able to present herself to her husband as pure and undefiled on their wedding night.

…now my breasts are like towers.
When my lover looks at me,
    he is delighted with what he sees. – Song of Solomon 8:10 NLT

In verses 11-12, the former adolescent girl provides a powerful defense for protecting one’s virginity. She describes her purity as a valuable vineyard that one must protect and preserve. It is not for sale to the highest bidder. To drive home her point, she compares her “vineyard” with one owned by Solomon the king. Due to his great wealth, he possessed many vast estates and vineyards. He describes the extensive nature of his land holdings and material possessions in the Book of Ecclesiastes.

I made great works. I built houses and planted vineyards for myself. I made myself gardens and parks, and planted in them all kinds of fruit trees. I made myself pools from which to water the forest of growing trees. I bought male and female slaves, and had slaves who were born in my house. I had also great possessions of herds and flocks, more than any who had been before me in Jerusalem. I also gathered for myself silver and gold and the treasure of kings and provinces. I got singers, both men and women, and many concubines, the delight of the sons of man. – Ecclesiastes 2:4-8 ESV

He readily confessed his unbridled love affair with self-gratification.

…whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure… – Ecclesiastes 2:10 ESV

But his wife pointed out that much of what Solomon possessed was not his to enjoy. Even his vineyards were nothing more than income-producing properties.

Solomon has a vineyard at Baal-hamon,
    which he leases out to tenant farmers.
Each of them pays a thousand pieces of silver
    for harvesting its fruit. – Song of Solomon 8:11 NLT

He was paid by others for the use of his vineyard. In a sense, it no longer belonged to him. These men had bought the rights to enjoy the benefits of its fruit. Solomon could count his money, but he couldn’t eat the grapes or enjoy the wine they produced.

Yet, his wife points out that her “vineyard” was hers to give because she had refused to sell it off for temporary pleasure or profit. Because she had walled out her virginity, she had been able to give it to Solomon on their wedding night – at no cost to him. It had been a gift of priceless value, one that even the wealthy and pleasure-obsessed king could never have afforded.

Solomon had been completely unaware of the diligent care with which his wife’s brothers had protected her. He had been oblivious to the hard work they had put in to preserve this “vineyard” of vast worth and unparalleled beauty. But now, he was grateful that they had put in the effort.

In the closing lines of this poem, Solomon and his wife revisit the early days of their relationship. They reminisce about those carefree, love-obsessed moments when their marriage began. It is impossible to know the ages of these two when the poem ends, but they are still deeply in love and express the same passionate longings to be together. Solomon expresses his desire to hear his bride’s voice, and she calls out to him with an invitation to join her one more moment of sexual pleasure. Her vineyard is still hers to give and she willingly offers it to the love of her life.

The poem ends, but their love continues. The eight chapters of the Song of Solomon provide a brief glimpse into the relationship between one man and one woman. But their love story is meant to be the experience of each and every one of God’s children. He created marriage to be a blessing to mankind. The marriage bed was meant to be his gift to be shared by a husband and a wife. The poem provides glimpses of the love lives of these two individuals, but it is not comprehensive or complete. The poem closes with no glowing description of how their marriage ends but the reader is left with the impression that their love for one another never diminished.

What makes this poem difficult to understand is the knowledge that Solomon was far from a monogamous and faithful husband. The Book of 1 Kings reveals that by the time his kingdom came to an end, Solomon had amassed a harem of 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3). Not only that, many of these women were pagan princesses who brought their false gods with them.

God had warned His people to avoid any intermarriage with the people who occupied the land of Canaan. Yet, Solomon had chosen to disobey God’s command.

King Solomon loved many foreign women. Besides Pharaoh’s daughter, he married women from Moab, Ammon, Edom, Sidon, and from among the Hittites. The Lord had clearly instructed the people of Israel, “You must not marry them, because they will turn your hearts to their gods.” Yet Solomon insisted on loving them anyway.… And in fact, they did turn his heart away from the Lord. – 1 Kings 11:1-2, 3 ESV

Did the Shulamite woman become just one among the many? Did Solomon’s deep love for her diminish over time? It is difficult to imagine that Solomon’s sexual attraction for his “beloved” remained strong when he had 999 options from which to choose. But none of this diminishes the message contained in the Song of Solomon. There was a moment when Solomon enjoyed and embraced God’s plan for marriage. But somewhere along the way, he allowed his pursuit of unbridled pleasure to replace his dedication to his bride. This man, who had experienced the joys of his bride’s “vineyard,” had become dissatisfied and distracted by the pleasures of this world. He had allowed a love affair with materialism and vanity-fueled pleasure-seeking to rob him of the joys of the marital relationship.

It’s interesting to note that Solomon included a proverb in his collection that contained the following words of wisdom from a man named Agur.

There are three things that amaze me—
    no, four things that I don’t understand:
how an eagle glides through the sky,
    how a snake slithers on a rock,
    how a ship navigates the ocean,
    how a man loves a woman. – Proverbs 3018-19 NLT

Solomon had a harem that contained a thousand women, but he still didn’t understand the love between a woman and a man. God had given him to opportunity to glean all the lessons available through a loving relationship with one woman, but Solomon had squandered it. He had been given an invaluable gift from God but had failed to fully appreciate its worth.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The God-Given Gift of Love and Sexuality

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

She

1 Oh that you were like a brother to me
    who nursed at my mother’s breasts!
If I found you outside, I would kiss you,
    and none would despise me.
2 I would lead you and bring you
    into the house of my mother—
    she who used to teach me.
I would give you spiced wine to drink,
    the juice of my pomegranate.
3 His left hand is under my head,
    and his right hand embraces me!
4 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
    that you not stir up or awaken love
    until it pleases.

5 Who is that coming up from the wilderness,
    leaning on her beloved?

Under the apple tree I awakened you.
There your mother was in labor with you;
    there she who bore you was in labor.

6 Set me as a seal upon your heart,
    as a seal upon your arm,
for love is strong as death,
    jealousy is fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
    the very flame of the Lord.
7 Many waters cannot quench love,
    neither can floods drown it.
If a man offered for love
    all the wealth of his house,
    he would be utterly despised. – Song of Solomon 8:1-7 ESV

As this epic poem begins to wrap up, the rhetoric within it amps up. It seems that the further along in the dialogue we get, the more shocking the language and imagery becomes. But I don’t think this is all for the shock value. These words are penned by two people who are expressing their deep and abiding affection for one another. Nothing is hidden. There are no subjects that are off-limits or taboo. While this book was divinely inspired like all the other books in the canon of Scripture, when Solomon wrote it, he had no idea it would become part of the Bible, the world’s most popular and widely read book of all time.

So, the imagery and language contained within the Song of Solomon have always confused and disturbed its readers. It seems out of place among all the other books of the Bible. Its content is too controversial and even considered X-rated by some. There are those who avoid this book like the plague. Others, in an attempt to resolve its shocking use of sexual imagery and language, have spiritualized its content to the point where it no longer makes much sense. That is not to say there is no underlying spiritual message contained within the pages of the Song of Solomon but that the graphic and sometimes lurid nature of its content should not be dismissed as nothing more than one lengthy metaphor.

Those who approach this book with a puritanical zeal, wishing to reinterpret its language as nothing more than a symbol of God’s love for His chosen people or Christ’s love for His bride, the Church, end up dehumanizing and diminishing its message. In some sense, their attempt to de-sexualize its content ended up devaluing much of its message. It’s amazing that even today, in our highly sexualized culture, this book still comes across as inappropriate and offensive. There is still a sense in which Christians believe that any talk about the human body or sexuality is inappropriate for polite conversation. But the content in this book is difficult to ignore because it confronts our prudish sensibilities and makes us squirm.  All its talk of intimate body parts and passionate love-making makes us uncomfortable.

Yet, the Song of Solomon is as much a part of the canon of Scripture as the Psalms or the four Gospels. It too was “breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16 ESV). So the question becomes, what is this book attempting to teach us? In what ways could it be trying to reprove and correct us? How could its content be used to train us in righteousness?

The answers to these questions must be found in the prevailing message of the book. It is impossible to completely dismiss the fact that this is a love poem. It is blatantly and sometimes embarrassingly about the love between a man and a woman. But that should not make us uncomfortable. Love is of God because God is love, and the sexual union between one man and one woman was His idea. But like all of God’s good and gracious gifts, this one was irreparably damaged by the entrance of sin into the world. Satan has taken what God intended for good and turned it into a self-seeking, soul-destroying weapon in his battle against humanity.

Jesus stated, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10 NLT). God created man and woman and endowed them with the capacity for procreation, but He also blessed them with the ability to love and enjoy the intimacy and physicality of the sexual relationship. It was not to be some primal act of hormonal urges designed to propagate the species. God equipped Adam and Eve with the physiological and psychological tools they would need to make more of their kind and to enjoy themselves in the process. That is what the Song of Solomon is all about.

Even in Solomon’s day, prudishness reigned supreme. There was certain actions that were inappropriate and deemed unacceptable in public. His love-struck wife makes that painfully clear when she bluntly states, “Oh, I wish you were my brother, who nursed at my mother’s breasts. Then I could kiss you no matter who was watching, and no one would criticize me” (Song of Solomon 8:1 NLT). This woman couldn’t keep her hands off of her husband. Even in public, she had a difficult time controlling her urge to kiss him. Her rather strange-sounding wish for him to be her brother is just her way of venting her frustration. In her culture, it was fully acceptable for a sister to show affection to her male sibling, even in public. But if she dared to display any signs of affection to her husband while others were watching, she would be considered sex-crazed and lacking in discretion.

She goes on to describe her and her “brother” engaging in intimate activities in their childhood home. The language she uses is blunt and highly suggestive, no matter how much you try to couch it in metaphorical terms. She wants everyone to know just how much she loves her husband. Her discussion of public displays of affection may make us uncomfortable but it should also convict us. The longer her marriage lasts, the more intense her love for her husband grows, and she wants to shout their love from the rooftops. She is proud of and pleased with the love of her life.

This is not a woman for whom marital love has run out of steam. Her sexual desire has not diminished over time. Her husband’s aging body has not lost its appeal for her. The passion of her youth has not gone away and she has spent it on someone else. She remains totally committed to her marriage and deeply in love with her husband.

In a world driven by casual sex, no-fault divorce, and short-term commitments, this woman is a breath of fresh air, and her take on love has never been more timely and needed.

For love is as strong as death,
    its jealousy as enduring as the grave.
Love flashes like fire,
    the brightest kind of flame.
Many waters cannot quench love,
    nor can rivers drown it. – Song of Solomon 8:6-7 NLT

For some reason, we want to separate love from sex. Even Christians can end up viewing sex as somehow tainted and stained by its close association with our fallen human bodies. This dualistic mindset causes us to view love as some kind of separate and distinct characteristic that operates independently from our physical desires and passions. Ever since the fall, mankind has ended up associating sex with lust rather than love. Instead of seeing the sexual act as a gift from God, we have demonized and devalued it to the point of sacrilege. Human sexuality is a gift from God. To view it as somehow dirty or damaged is to question the goodness of God. True love, which includes the physical intimacy between a man and a woman, is a remarkable gift from our Creator-God. It is not to be despised. It is not to be treated with disdain or disgust. Love, as designed by God in the marriage relationship, is priceless value and cannot be bought or sold.

If a man tried to buy love
    with all his wealth,
    his offer would be utterly scorned. – Song of Solomon 8:7 NLT

But it is to be enjoyed and protected at all costs – for a lifetime.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

A Well-Rounded, Fully Satisfying Marriage – For Life

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

He

1 How beautiful are your feet in sandals,
    O noble daughter!
Your rounded thighs are like jewels,
    the work of a master hand.
2 Your navel is a rounded bowl
    that never lacks mixed wine.
Your belly is a heap of wheat,
    encircled with lilies.
3 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
    twins of a gazelle.
4 Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are pools in Heshbon,
    by the gate of Bath-rabbim.
Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon,
    which looks toward Damascus.
5 Your head crowns you like Carmel,
    and your flowing locks are like purple;
    a king is held captive in the tresses.

6 How beautiful and pleasant you are,
    O loved one, with all your delights!
7 Your stature is like a palm tree,
    and your breasts are like its clusters.
8 I say I will climb the palm tree
    and lay hold of its fruit.
Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine,
    and the scent of your breath like apples,
9 and your mouth like the best wine.

She

It goes down smoothly for my beloved,
    gliding over lips and teeth.

10 I am my beloved’s,
    and his desire is for me.

11 Come, my beloved,
    let us go out into the fields
    and lodge in the villages;
12 let us go out early to the vineyards
    and see whether the vines have budded,
whether the grape blossoms have opened
    and the pomegranates are in bloom.
There I will give you my love.
13 The mandrakes give forth fragrance,
    and beside our doors are all choice fruits,
new as well as old,
    which I have laid up for you, O my beloved. – Song of Solomon 7:1-13 ESV

There is no reference to time in this passage but it would appear that Solomon and his bride have moved beyond the innocent days of marital bliss that surrounded their wedding night into a more substantive relationship in which their attraction for one another has deepened and matured. Their strong sexual desires have not diminished over time but have only grown stronger. They are no less verbose and over-the-top in their descriptions of one another’s bodies but there is a sense in which their words convey a more rich and satisfying love that goes well beyond mere physical attraction.

As he has done before, Solomon waxes eloquently about his wife’s physical attributes, making his way from her feet all the way to the top of her head. While his intimate description of his wife’s body can be a bit off-putting to the reader, it is balanced by his rather strange choice of imagery to convey his point. He describes her belly as “a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies” (Song of Solomon 7:2 ESV). In his eyes, her nose is like “a tower of Lebanon” (Song of Solomon 7:4 ESV). Her breasts are like the clusters of a stately palm tree (Song of Solomon 7:7 ESV).

These lovingly worded descriptions, while well-intentioned and backed by a deep affection for his wife, conjure up an image that only Salvador Dali or Picasso could put on canvas. Frankly, his choice of words paints an appalling rather than appealing image of his beloved. She comes across as some kind of Frankenstein-like monstrosity that is anything but attractive or inviting.

But we know by now that both Solomon and his bride are prone to an overuse of hyperbole and metaphors. He means well and what he says makes all the sense in the world to him. They say love is blind and this just might be an example of that truism. It’s not that Solomon’s wife was unattractive but that he was viewing her through eyes that looked far beneath the surface. He found this woman captivating – both inside and out – and all he can say is, “Oh, how beautiful you are!” (Song of Solomon 7:6 NLT).

The imagery sugggests intimacy and love-making. He is not only admiring her inner and outer beauty, he is relishing the physical pleasure she brings him. Their relationship is a complete package that satisfies all his longings.

“Whereas the wedding night focused on the purpose of sex as the consummation of marriage, this night focuses on the purpose of sex as the nourishment of marriage… As they fell asleep the last kiss lingered in each other’s minds like the aftertaste of good wine. What an enchanting picture of the sleeping couple!” – S. Craig Glickman, A Song for Lovers

The closing verses of this chapter appear to be from the lips of Solomon’s adoring bride. She has heard his words and is responding with an invitation to join her on a day-trip to the country where they will will enjoy one another’s company. But she tops it off with a not-so-veiled promise of a night of love-making.

Come, my love, let us go out to the fields
    and spend the night among the wildflowers.
Let us get up early and go to the vineyards
    to see if the grapevines have budded,
if the blossoms have opened,
    and if the pomegranates have bloomed.
    There I will give you my love. – Song of Solomon 7:11-12 NLT

This is quite a departure from her earlier refusal to open to him the door to her chamber because she was ready to go to bed. She is now inviting him on an unplanned excursion into the countryside that will feature an unexpected but not undesirable ending.

To a certain degree, this chapter illustrates the concept of keeping the spark alive in a marriage. Spontaneity and surprise can go a long way in maintaining the vibrancy of a relationship that has grown stale or stagnant. A healthy growing marriage requires work and a bit of ingenuity. There is no place for the status quo or business as usual. Predictability and routine have their place but can end up sucking the life out of a relationship. This woman was willing to operate outside the normal boundaries of daily life just to ensure that her husband didn’t lose interest or take her for granted. And that street goes both ways.

The apostle Paul gave couples who were members of the church in Corinth the following advice about sex in marriage:

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations… – 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 NLT

Whether we want to admit it or not, sex is a significant part of the marriage relationship, and it doesn’t necessarily diminish over time. Busyness and self-centeredness can force a couple to put their sexual relationship on the back burner, where it can languish for long periods of time. This can lead to resentment, disappointment, anger, hurt, feelings of rejection, and, ultimately, the temptation to seek satisfaction outside the bounds of the marriage.

As Solomon and his wife aged and their marriage matured, they were going to remain diligent and determined to protect the physical dimension of their relationship. Over time, the call to procreate would be replaced with the invitation to appreciate the wonderful nature of human sexuality within the bonds of matrimony. It is a gift from God and is meant to be enjoyed for a lifetime.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

What God Has Joined Together

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

Maidens

1 Where has your beloved gone,
    O most beautiful among women?
Where has your beloved turned,
    that we may seek him with you?

She

2 My beloved has gone down to his garden
    to the beds of spices,
to graze in the gardens
    and to gather lilies.
3 I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine;
    he grazes among the lilies.

He

4 You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love,
    lovely as Jerusalem,
    awesome as an army with banners.
5 Turn away your eyes from me,
    for they overwhelm me—
Your hair is like a flock of goats
    leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
6 Your teeth are like a flock of ewes
    that have come up from the washing;
all of them bear twins;
    not one among them has lost its young.
7 Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
    behind your veil.
8 There are sixty queens and eighty concubines,
    and virgins without number.
9 My dove, my perfect one, is the only one,
    the only one of her mother,
    pure to her who bore her.
The young women saw her and called her blessed;
    the queens and concubines also, and they praised her.

10 “Who is this who looks down like the dawn,
    beautiful as the moon, bright as the sun,
    awesome as an army with banners?”

She

11 I went down to the nut orchard
    to look at the blossoms of the valley,
to see whether the vines had budded,
    whether the pomegranates were in bloom.
12 Before I was aware, my desire set me
    among the chariots of my kinsman, a prince.

Others

13 Return, return, O Shulammite,
    return, return, that we may look upon you.

He

Why should you look upon the Shulammite,
    as upon a dance before two armies? – Song of Solomon 6:1-13 ESV

In this chapter, we seem to be witnessing a highly competitive compliment duel between Solomon and his new bride. These two love birds end up dishing out the mutual flattery in huge doses as if each is trying to one-up the other in the commendation department.

It all begins with her friends questioning the whereabouts of the maiden’s missing husband. This all started with a dream in which the new bride refused her husband entry into her bed chamber. Her excuse was that she was already prepared for bed and didn’t want to get up to open the door. He persisted for a while but finally gave up, so when she eventually changed her mind and opened the door, he was nowhere to be found. This led her on a desperate search and she begged her friends for their assistance.

Their response comes across as a bit sarcastic in tone.

“Where has your lover gone,
    O woman of rare beauty?
Which way did he turn
    so we can help you find him?” – Song of Solomon 6:1 NLT

This doesn’t appear to be a legitimate concern for his well-being but seems to be the caddy response of a few jealous and unsympathetic peers. These women have had to watch as their former unmarried friend became the bride of the kingdom’s most powerful and influential man. Not only is he rich and of royal pedigree, but he’s handsome beyond belief. Their reticence to participate in her search party seems to be driven by their petty jealousy. But remember, this entire episode is taking place within the Shulamite maiden’s dream. This means that what we are reading is the figment of her overactive imagination. This conversation never actually took place in real life. In her subconscious, she imagines her former friends as disgruntled and envious because of her good fortune.

Her response to their sarcastic question reveals that she saw through their insincere show of concern. She answers them by rubbing their noses in her good fortune.

My lover has gone down to his garden,
    to his spice beds,
to browse in the gardens
    and gather the lilies.
I am my lover’s, and my lover is mine.
He browses among the lilies. – Song of Solomon 6:2-3 NLT

While some scholars see this as a reference to an actual garden, it makes much more sense to see it as yet another thinly veiled metaphor for the sexual act. In a way, the bride is describing the intimacy she enjoys with her husband. This is the same terminology used by Solomon in chapter five, verse 1.

As in any dream, the scenes change quickly and dramatically. In one moment, she is searching for her missing husband, and then, as if out of nowhere, she is enjoying an intimate moment of passionate love.

This is followed by Solomon’s vivid and somewhat verbose description of his wife’s beauty.

You are beautiful, my darling,
    like the lovely city of Tirzah.
Yes, as beautiful as Jerusalem,
    as majestic as an army with billowing banners. – Song of Solomon 6:4 NLT

He finds her beauty to be captivating and impossible to ignore. He can’t take his eyes off of her, no matter how hard he tries. He even brags that he would choose her as his one and only, even if he had “sixty queens and eighty concubines and countless young women” from which to choose (Song of Solomon 6:8 NLT). Sadly, this scenario would become an eventual reality. The day would come when Solomon amassed a harem consisting of 700 wives and 300 concubines. His insatiable and uncontrollable love for the opposite sex would eventually get the best of him, resulting in a life marked by immorality and idolatry.

…his wives turned away his heart. For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. So Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the Lord and did not wholly follow the Lord… – 1 Kings 11:3-6 ESV

But at this moment in the poem, Solomon appears to be committed to his wife alone. He is speaking hyperbolically, exaggerating his words for emphasis. But his statement is almost prophetic, foreshadowing a less-than-stellar future lurking on the horizon.

Verses 11-12 appear to be the words of Solomon’s wife as she expresses yet another metaphorical description of one of their sexual encounters. These two are deeply in love, and while her dream features a brief moment of separation, she is going out of her way to insist that their physical attraction has not waned in the least.

I went down to the nut orchard
    to look at the blossoms of the valley,
to see whether the vines had budded,
    whether the pomegranates were in bloom.
Before I was aware, my desire set me
    among the chariots of my kinsman, a prince. – Song of Solomon 6:11-12 NLT

The two are reunited emotionally and physically. Despite their temporary separation, relegated to a dream, they still love one another deeply.

Verse 13 appears to be the call of her jealous friends, who long for things to go back to the way they were before.

Return, return to us, O maid of Shulam.
    Come back, come back, that we may see you again. – Song of Solomon 6:13 NLT

They miss the good old days when the maiden was one of them. They would prefer for her to be single again, rather than enjoying the pleasures and perks of marriage to the king. This simple verse virtually shouts the envy that clouds their thinking and prevents them from rejoicing in her good fortune.

But Solomon is unwilling to give up his bride and chides the maidens for longing to disrupt their union by fomenting a break in their relationship. He does not want anyone, friend or foe, to come between him and his bride. This man is committed to his bride for the long haul, and he will not allow anyone or anything to separate them. He almost echoes the words of Jesus when He stated, “Let no one split apart what God has joined together” (Mark 10:9 NLT.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.