parenting

The High Privilege of Parenting

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:1-4 ESV

When considering Paul’s call for believers to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, it is important to remember that this is impossible without the power of the Holy Spirit. Yes, you could pull it off in your own power for a season, but it wouldn’t be long before your old sin nature raised its ugly head, causing pride and self-centeredness to take center stage again. For wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to sacrificially love their wives, the Holy Spirit is a non-negotiable necessity. He alone can provide the fruit we need to “walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true” (Ephesians 5:8 ESV).

Here in Chapter 6, Paul draws our attention to yet another relationship in which the fruit of the Spirit will be essential; he calls for children to obey their parents. The Greek word Paul uses is hypakouō, which conveys the idea of hearing as well as obeying. It implies a child submitting to the God-given authority of their parents, and that the obedience rendered to them must be “in the Lord,” which is another way of saying “out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21 ESV). Just as wives are to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord,” children are to obey their parents with an awareness that they are really submitting to the will of God for their lives.

Paul knows this will be very difficult for young children to comprehend. Even after a child comes to faith in Christ, they will have difficulty understanding what it means to obey in the Lord. That is where the careful, patient, and persistent training from godly parents comes in. Even very young children are naturally prone to disobedience. Their wills develop quickly, and their innate desire to do what they want shows up very early in their development. Obedience is not natural to children. They may not initially realize they are being disobedient, but their natural drive toward autonomy will lead them to choose their own will over their parents’.

In these first three verses, Paul seems to address two phases of childhood, starting with young children and then focusing on adult children. After commanding children to obey, Paul turns to the Mosaic law and quotes the fifth commandment: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12 ESV). And he adds a side note: “This is the first commandment with a promise” (Ephesians 6:2 ESV).

Paul calls for honor, not just obedience. The word “honor” carries with it the idea of reverence and veneration. In Hebrew, it is kabad, which means “heaviness” or “weight.” There should be a sense of weightiness or significance that adult children give to the God-given role of their parents in their lives. While young children will not be able to grasp the significance of this concept, older children, especially adult children, can and should.

It is interesting to note that in Deuteronomy 6, Moses told the people of Israel, “Now this is the commandment — the statutes and the rules — that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long” (Deuteronomy 6:1-2 ESV).

Moses was calling the people of God to obedience so that their days would be long in the land. Then Moses went on to give them the motivating factor behind their obedience to God:

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. – Deuteronomy 6:5-9 ESV

Verse five contains the Shema, which Jesus would later say is the greatest commandment. Love is to be the primary motivating factor behind obedience to God. And Paul seems to be saying that, ultimately, love should underlie children’s obedience to their parents and the honor they give them in their later years. But for this to happen, Moses said parents were to teach their children diligently. They were to talk about the things of God all the time. Obedience to God was to be a constant topic in the home, and parents were to be the primary source of instruction and illustration of what that obedience looks like.

Which is why Paul addresses fathers. In God’s economy, fathers are held to a higher standard; they are responsible for the spiritual well-being of their household. So Paul warns fathers about provoking or exasperating their children. Nothing will frustrate a child more than inconsistency in their father’s life. His behavior toward and in front of his children will have a dramatic impact on their spiritual well-being. Parental hypocrisy is one of the most damaging influences on a child’s life. Fathers who say one thing and do another end up frustrating and confusing their children. Fathers who demand one set of standards for their children while failing to apply those standards to themselves will cause anger and resentment in their children. Which is why Paul says, “Fathers, don’t provoke your children to anger” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV).

Another surprising cause of anger within children is a lack of discipline. Children need boundaries, supervision, and discipline in their lives. This will require the parents to train their children, and the father is ultimately responsible. A father who is overly strict or heavy-handed in his discipline will end up exasperating his children. But it is also true that a father who is lax in providing his children with loving discipline and godly instruction will provoke his children to anger. That is why Paul tells fathers to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. It should be the goal of every believing parent to raise godly children. While we can’t cause our children to come to faith in Christ, we can provide an environment in which the truth of the gospel is lived out in their presence and the love of God is modeled in their lives.

Parenting is a God-ordained role that comes with weighty responsibilities. But the Psalmist reminds us that “children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!” (Psalm 127:3-5 ESV). Our children are to be seen as blessings, not burdens. Their presence in our home is a gift from God, an inheritance designed to outlast our lives and bring Him glory for generations to come. But the hope of their future faithfulness begins under our watch and depends on our willingness to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV).  What we say and do matters. How we live and love makes a difference. Faith cannot be inherited, but faithfulness to God can be modeled so that the next generation can learn of His goodness and greatness. 

We will not hide these truths from our children;
    we will tell the next generation
about the glorious deeds of the Lord,
    about his power and his mighty wonders.

He commanded our ancestors
    to teach them to their children,
so the next generation might know them—
    even the children not yet born—
    and they in turn will teach their own children.
So each generation should set its hope anew on God,
    not forgetting his glorious miracles
    and obeying his commands.
Then they will not be like their ancestors—
    stubborn, rebellious, and unfaithful,
    refusing to give their hearts to God. – Psalm 78:4, 5-8 NLT

Father, the job of parenting is never done. Even as our children leave the nest, we find ourselves still listening, loving, guiding, and directing. Even as our children move into adulthood, they continue to watch our lives and  mirror our behavior. They may stop asking our advice, but they continue to recall the lessons we taught them along the way, both good and bad. The things we said and did when they were young are seared into their memories. What we do when they are young has long-term implications. Even when we are gone, they will still remember our words and actions. They will recall the life lessons we imparted and either embrace or reject them. The degree of our faithfulness to God when they were young will either motivate or demoralize them when they are older. Give us the strength to parent well, to grandparent faithfully. Don’t let us grow weary in doing good. Holy Spirit, empower and equip us to run the race well and to finish strong. Our children’s lives depend upon it. We cannot save them, but we can provide them with a safe and fertile environment in which truth is taught, love is boundless, patience is abundant, and faith is lived out in everyday life. Amen

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

All’s Well That Ends Well – Oh Well

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

5 Now Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, “I will be king.” And he prepared for himself chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him. 6 His father had never at any time displeased him by asking, “Why have you done thus and so?” He was also a very handsome man, and he was born next after Absalom. 7 He conferred with Joab the son of Zeruiah and with Abiathar the priest. And they followed Adonijah and helped him. 8 But Zadok the priest and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada and Nathan the prophet and Shimei and Rei and David’s mighty men were not with Adonijah.

9 Adonijah sacrificed sheep, oxen, and fattened cattle by the Serpent’s Stone, which is beside En-rogel, and he invited all his brothers, the king’s sons, and all the royal officials of Judah, 10 but he did not invite Nathan the prophet or Benaiah or the mighty men or Solomon his brother. – 1 Kings 1:5-10 ESV

The author of 1st Kings has established that David is old and nearing the end of his life. And, because he is king, his imminent death sets the stage for the selection of his successor to the throne of Israel. Under normal circumstances, the line of succession would fall to the eldest son. But in David’s case, things were a bit more complex because of the number of sons who had been born by his many wives. David’s home life was less than simple and further muddied by his far-from-ideal parenting style.

His oldest son had been Amnon, but he had been murdered by his half-brother, Absalom, for raping Absalom’s sister, Tamar. When David failed to punish Amnon for his crime, Absalom took matters into his own hands. Daniel was the second son of David, but he likely died early because, other than the record of his birth in 2 Samuel 3:3, he is never mentioned again. That leaves Absalom and Adonijah as the next two in line for the throne. But Absalom was also dead. After launching what appeared to be a successful coup for his father’s throne, Absalom was killed in battle against David’s forces (2 Samuel 18). This left Adonijah as next in line for ascension to the throne.

But God had other plans, and had been David clear instructions regarding his heir, and it was not going to be Adonijah. Even before Solomon had been born, God visited David and gave him a message concerning the identity of the son who would continue the Davidic dynasty.

“Behold, a son shall be born to you who shall be a man of rest. I will give him rest from all his surrounding enemies. For his name shall be Solomon, and I will give peace and quiet to Israel in his days. He shall build a house for my name. He shall be my son, and I will be his father, and I will establish his royal throne in Israel forever.” – 1 Chronicles 22:9-10 ESV

In a sense, Solomon had been a gift from God after David suffered the loss of the son born through his adulterous relationship with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11). That child had been the byproduct of David’s immoral affair with a married woman. To complicate matters further, when David had discovered that Bathsheba was pregnant, he tried to cover up his indiscretion. When that failed, he ordered Bathsheba’s husband’s death and then took his widow to be one of his wives.

Then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife, and slept with her. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son, and David named him Solomon. The LORD loved the child and sent word through Nathan the prophet that they should name him Jedidiah (which means “beloved of the LORD”), as the LORD had commanded. – 2 Samuel 12:24-25 NLT

And this complicated and confusing background sets the stage for what happens in the opening chapter of 1st Kings. As the next-oldest living son, Adonijah assumed that he was the rightful heir to the throne, and he began to prepare for the transition of power.

Now Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, “I will be king.” And he prepared for himself chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him. – 1 Kings 1:5 ESV

It seems that Adonijah had taken notes right out of his older brother Absalom’s playbook . This arrogant display of pomp and circumstance was exactly what Absalom had done as part of his successful strategy to usurp David’s throne.

After this, Absalom bought a chariot and horses, and he hired fifty bodyguards to run ahead of him.  – 2 Samuel 15:1

Adonijah believed he was entitled to be the next king of Israel, and it seems that he was used to getting his way. The author reveals that Adonijah had been spoiled by his father.

Now his father, King David, had never disciplined him at any time, even by asking, “Why are you doing that?” – 1 Kings 1:6 NLT

It is unclear whether Adonijah knew of God’s plan for Solomon to be David’s successor. But it is readily apparent that Adonijah was determined to do whatever was necessary to be the next king. He began by building a network of important relationships with individuals of power and influence.

Adonijah took Joab son of Zeruiah and Abiathar the priest into his confidence, and they agreed to help him become king. – 1 Kings 1:7 NLT

This ambitious young man was building strategic alliances that he hoped would prove helpful in his quest for Israel’s throne. But he faced significant opposition. There were those who remained loyal to David and who would see to it that the wishes of the king were fulfilled. It is likely that they were already aware of God’s plan for Solomon to be the next king.

All of this is painfully reminiscent of Absalom’s actions when he began his carefully orchestrated coup to supplant his father as king. Adonijah was not willing to wait for David’s death. He was going to take the throne by force if necessary. But to ensure that he had all the support he would need, Adonijah planned a banquet in the nearby city of En-rogel. He had a carefully crafted invitation list that included all of his brothers and half-brothers, except for Solomon. He also extended invitations to all the royal officials of the land of Judah. At this feast, Adonijah made a covenant commitment with his guests, sealing their agreement to assist him in his coup d’état with blood sacrifices. 

This opening chapter of the book lays the foundation for all that is to come. David is dying. He is weak and incapable of caring for himself. God has established a plan for his succession. But the nation is already showing signs of discord and dissension. Sadly, another one of David’s sons is leading an open rebellion against his own father and creating a potentially deadly situation that could end in bloodshed and division. You can almost feel the sense of foreboding coming off the pages as the author sets the stage for all that is to follow.

The Israelite nation is about to enter a new era, one that will be marked by a slow and steady spiral toward unfaithfulness and spiritual infidelity. With the death of the man after God’s own heart, the people of Israel will find themselves suffering under a succession of shepherds whose spiritual integrity will slowly decline, leaving the nation in a progressively weakened state.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

One Sin Leads to Another

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

1 Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. 2 And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her. 3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. And Jonadab was a very crafty man. 4 And he said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” 5 Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’” 6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. And when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.”

7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go to your brother Amnon’s house and prepare food for him.” 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, where he was lying down. And she took dough and kneaded it and made cakes in his sight and baked the cakes. 9 And she took the pan and emptied it out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, “Send out everyone from me.” So everyone went out from him. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the chamber, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. 11 But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” 12 She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. 13 As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” 14 But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.

15 Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up! Go!” 16 But she said to him, “No, my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me.” But he would not listen to her. 17 He called the young man who served him and said, “Put this woman out of my presence and bolt the door after her.” 18 Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. 19 And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went. – 2 Samuel 13:1-19 ESV

In this chapter, we will see yet another ugly consequence of David’s disobedience to the commands of God. He had been forgiven by God for his sins, but that did not mean he would face no consequences. This chapter chronicles one of the many outcomes that stemmed from his violation of God’s commands; in this case, it was God’s prohibition against polygamy.

“The king must not take many wives for himself, because they will turn his heart away from the Lord.” – Deuteronomy 17:17 NLT

According to 2 Samuel 3, David had a growing harem of wives.

These are the sons who were born to David in Hebron:

The oldest was Amnon, whose mother was Ahinoam from Jezreel.
The second was Daniel, whose mother was Abigail, the widow of Nabal from Carmel.
The third was Absalom, whose mother was Maacah, the daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur.
The fourth was Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith.
The fifth was Shephatiah, whose mother was Abital.
The sixth was Ithream, whose mother was Eglah, David’s wife.

These sons were all born to David in Hebron. – 2 Samuel 3:2-5 NLT

Upon being crowned king by the 11 tribes of Israel that had formerly pledged allegiance to Saul’s grandson, Ish-bosheth, David demanded the return of his first wife, Michal. This left him with at least seven wives. But David was not done.

After moving from Hebron to Jerusalem, David married more concubines and wives, and they had more sons and daughters. These are the names of David’s sons who were born in Jerusalem: Shammua, Shobab, Nathan, Solomon, Ibhar, Elishua, Nepheg, Japhia, Elishama, Eliada, and Eliphelet. – 2 Samuel 5:13-16 NLT

David’s predilection for the opposite sex was going to catch up with him. He was in direct violation of God’s law and the fruit of those many illicit relationships was going to come back to haunt him. His many wives had given him many children, at least 17. But that number does not include the female children born to David.

Three of David’s children are involved in this story. Two of them, Absalom and Tamar, were born to David by his wife, Maacah. Absalom was born while David reigned in Hebron. Tamar was most likely born after David had moved his capital to Jerusalem. Amnon was born in Hebron as well but to a different mother, Ahinoam. As David’s household multiplied, the opportunities for sibling rivalries increased exponentially. But David, busy with his duties as king, was oblivious to the affairs of his growing household. Yet, three of his children would turn his world upside down.

David’s hyper-blended family became a breeding ground for trouble, and one of the things that will stand out as this story unfolds is David’s less-than-stellar parenting skills. He may have been a mighty warrior and a formidable military leader, but he appears to have lacked the desire to lead his own household. As the sordid details of his familial problems unfold, David’s parental shortcomings will become increasingly more apparent.

We’re told that Amnon “loved” his Tamar who was young, beautiful, and a virgin. This was more than an innocent love between a brother and a sister. This young man was physically attracted to his half-sister and he “became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill. She was a virgin, and Amnon thought he could never have her” (2 Samuel 13:2 NLT).

The Hebrew word used to describe Amnon’s affection for Tamar can actually refer to sexual love, and as the story will so graphically demonstrate, his attraction to his half-sister was purely physical. He lusted after her. So much so, that he made himself sick thinking about it. In his mind, Tamar was off-limits, but that didn’t stop him from trying to figure out how he might have her, even as he was having immoral and inappropriate thoughts about her. With the advice of a close friend, Amnon devised a plot to carry out his lust-driven desire to have Tamar, and his father, David, unknowingly went along with it.

The one thing that becomes painfully apparent in this story is David’s lack of discernment when it comes to his own family. He was oblivious to what was going on under the roof of his palace. So, he willingly agreed to send Tamar to take food to her “sick” brother, not knowing what Amnon had planned for her. As a result, Amnon ended up raping his sister against her will. In a fit of lust, Amnon ignored Tamar’s impassioned pleas and forced himself upon her.

Tamar had begged Amnon to consider what he was doing. She pleaded, “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel. Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me” (2 Samuel 13:12-13 NLT). It would not have been unprecedented for David to have agreed to a marriage between the two of them. Marriage between half-siblings was a common practice in those days. Abraham had married his half-sister, Sarah (Genesis 20:12). But Amnon was not interested in marriage. He was not persuaded by Tamar’s warnings about the damage this act would do to his reputation. He could care less. His physical desires were driving his actions and clouding his thinking, and the outcome, as James would later write, was predictable.

…each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. – James 1:14-15 ESV

Once Amnon got what he wanted, his “love” for Tamar turned to hatred. Having satisfied his sexual desire, he saw no more need for her. His love had been nothing more than lust and, once his lust had been satiated, he threw her out like a used, unneeded object. He took her virginity by force and left her to deal with the shame, dishonor, and humiliation that would follow. Having served her purpose, Tamar was considered damaged goods and discarded like trash. She no longer had any value to Amnon.

In humiliation, Tamar tore her robe and covered her head in ashes, a sign of mourning over her lost virginity. In that culture, Tamar would now be considered less a victim than a social pariah. It would not matter that she was the daughter of the king; she was no longer a virgin and, therefore, an unworthy prospect for marriage. She would be treated with disdain and viewed with disrespect, regardless of the circumstances. No man would want her. Her young life had been ruined, all because Amnon could not or would not contain his lust. He was a man driven by sexual desire. He had long ago ceased to see her as his sister or even as a woman; she was an object, a trophy to be won and a forbidden desire to be satisfied – at any cost.

But this will not be the end of the story; it will only get worse. As James so pointedly put it: “and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” The most telling part of the story will be David’s role in its aftermath. How will he respond to Amnon’s actions? What steps will he take to mitigate the egregious violation of his own daughter? David is the king but, more importantly, he is the father of a household of children born to him through a harem of unlawful wives. War had broken out in David’s home. How would he lead? He knew how to fight the enemies of Israel, but did he know how to do battle with the enemy within the walls of his own home?

Sadly, David would choose inaction and avoidance as his go-to responses to the domestic disaster under his roof. He would take the path of least resistance and refuse to deal with the sordid situation in his own household. David would be angered by the news of his daughter’s violation, but refuse to take appropriate steps to deal with Amnon’s sin. David, the God-appointed king of Israel, would abdicate his authority as the head of his household and, by doing so, pave the way for an even more disastrous and deadly outcome.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

A Healthy Home Life

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

1 Be not envious of evil men,
    nor desire to be with them,
2 for their hearts devise violence,
    and their lips talk of trouble.

3 By wisdom a house is built,
    and by understanding it is established;
4 by knowledge the rooms are filled
    with all precious and pleasant riches.
5 A wise man is full of strength,
    and a man of knowledge enhances his might,
6 for by wise guidance you can wage your war,
    and in abundance of counselors there is victory.
7 Wisdom is too high for a fool;
    in the gate he does not open his mouth.

8 Whoever plans to do evil
    will be called a schemer.
9 The devising of folly is sin,
    and the scoffer is an abomination to mankind.

10 If you faint in the day of adversity,
    your strength is small.
11 Rescue those who are being taken away to death;
    hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.
12 If you say, “Behold, we did not know this,”
    does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it,
    and will he not repay man according to his work?

13 My son, eat honey, for it is good,
    and the drippings of the honeycomb are sweet to your taste.
14 Know that wisdom is such to your soul;
    if you find it, there will be a future,
    and your hope will not be cut off.

15 Lie not in wait as a wicked man against the dwelling of the righteous;
    do no violence to his home;
16 for the righteous falls seven times and rises again,
    but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.

17 Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,
    and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles,
18 lest the Lord see it and be displeased,
    and turn away his anger from him.

19 Fret not yourself because of evildoers,
    and be not envious of the wicked,
20 for the evil man has no future;
    the lamp of the wicked will be put out.

21 My son, fear the Lord and the king,
    and do not join with those who do otherwise,
22 for disaster will arise suddenly from them,
    and who knows the ruin that will come from them both? – Proverbs 24:1-22 ESV

If one had to choose a summary statement for this section of Solomon’s book, verses 3-7 would work well. In them, Solomon provides a fitting synopsis for his collection of 36 wise sayings and clearly articulates the primary message he is attempting to convey.

A house is built by wisdom
    and becomes strong through good sense.
Through knowledge its rooms are filled
    with all sorts of precious riches and valuables. – Proverbs 24:3-4 NLT

Solomon was a highly successful king who ruled over a prosperous kingdom but he was also a father who cared deeply for his children, of which he had many. With 700 wives and 300 concubines, Solomon had no shortage of progeny. Kids would have been everywhere and it seems that he took a keen interest in their education and preparation for life beyond the palace. Solomon took his role as a powerful potentate seriously but he also placed a high priority on parenting. And in a patriarchal society, he took a special interest in raising up sons who would live wise and godly lives.

In Solomon’s day, there would have been very few books on the topic of parenting. Today, they’re everywhere. You can even attend any of a number of seminars on the topic or watch countless YouTube videos on the subject. You can get parenting advice, both good and bad, from all kinds of people. They’ll tell you about the importance of communication, the need for consistent discipline, the danger of a home without rules, and the damage that can be done if your home is too strict.

Everyone has opinions. Everyone is ready to give their advice. But there are few who truly know the secret to having a healthy, thriving family – except Solomon. The Hebrew word he used for “house” in verse four can also be translated as “family” and is probably best seen as a metaphor for establishing a strong, vibrant home life, not building a structure.

We all know that a well-built house is no guarantee of a healthy, whole family. There are many beautiful homes in the best of neighborhoods filled with children who despise their parents. Those same houses are occupied by husbands and wives who no longer love one another and where domestic bliss is nowhere to be found.

No, Solomon is not giving us construction tips, but the key to a healthy family. And this advice applies not only to our biological family but to our spiritual family as well. The church, the body of Christ, is also a family. As believers, we are all members of the family of God and are His children. And just like our biological family, the family of God can become dysfunctional and unhealthy if we ignore the counsel of Solomon.

He tells us a home or a family is built on wisdom. This should remind us of Solomon’s advice found in the very first chapter of his book: “Start with God – the first step in learning is bowing down to God” (Proverbs 1:7 MSG).

This is a paraphrase from The Message, but it paints a very accurate description of what it means to “fear the Lord.” To fear the Lord is to recognize that He is God and we are not. It is to understand that He is the sole source of all wisdom, not us. It is to humble ourselves under His mighty power, recognizing our own weakness. The key to gaining wisdom is to start with God. It is focusing all of our attention on Him and making Him the center of our lives. This is true when it comes to our homes or families. He has to be number one. Not our kids. Not our careers. Not our marriages. Not our own selfish wills and self-centered desires. We must start with God. Our homes must be built on Him. He must be the foundation on which we construct our families. Marriage is difficult. Raising kids is a real challenge. Having a healthy family in the world in which we live is next to impossible – unless you do it with God’s help. Only He can give us the wisdom we need, the good sense we require, the knowledge life demands, and the outcome we desire.

Solomon wanted his sons to grow up to be wise and he knew that godliness was a prerequisite for both goodness and greatness.

The wise are mightier than the strong,
    and those with knowledge grow stronger and stronger.
So don’t go to war without wise guidance;
   victory depends on having many advisers. – Proverbs 24:5-6 NLT

If they were going to be successful in life, they would have to make God their highest priority. God can’t be an add-on or an afterthought. He would need to be the focus of their lives and their families. Solomon desperately desired that his sons would make God’s Word a daily part of our lives and the manual by which they parented their own children. The truths he was sharing were meant to be passed on – from generation to generation. These wise sayings were timeless and worthy of obeying and repeating.

Don’t envy evil people
    or desire their company.
For their hearts plot violence,
    and their words always stir up trouble. – Proverbs 24:1-2 NLT

A person who plans evil
    will get a reputation as a troublemaker.
The schemes of a fool are sinful;
    everyone detests a mocker. – Proverbs 24:8-9 NLT

Yes, Solomon wanted his sons to implement these timeless truths but he also longed to see them propagated through the future generations of his descendants. Solomon understood that godly wisdom was to be passed on to others. It must be modeled. And, like so much in life, wisdom is better caught than taught. Children must see that their parents not only believe in God but that they obey Him. They must see that their parent’s faith is real and that it manifests itself in real life.

Solomon tells us that if we begin with God and constantly turn to God, He will give us wisdom, good sense, and knowledge. And as a result, our homes will be filled with “all sorts of precious riches and valuables” (Proverbs 24:4 NLT). But to enjoy all the benefits that wisdom has to offer, it must be sought after and consumed.

My child, eat honey, for it is good,
    and the honeycomb is sweet to the taste.
In the same way, wisdom is sweet to your soul.
    If you find it, you will have a bright future,
    and your hopes will not be cut short. – Proverbs 24:13-14 NLT

His promise of a bright future is a guarantee of financial success, but a reminder that living God’s way produces treasures that are priceless and not of this world. In comparison, Solomon states that “evil people have no future” (Proverbs 24:20 NLT). Their prosperity is temporary while their long-term prospects are bleak.

He will repay all people as their actions deserve. – Proverbs 24:12 NLT

Solomon promotes a godly lifestyle. He encourages his sons to seek the way of the wise. Yes, they may find themselves the envy of all those around them and even discover that they are under attack for their chosen way of life, but they must remain determined to pursue righteousness and not wickedness.

Don’t wait in ambush at the home of the godly,
    and don’t raid the house where the godly live.
The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. – Proverbs 24:15-16 NLT

Solomon calmly and confidently tells his sons: “Don’t fret because of evildoers…” (Proverbs 24:19 NLT). Don’t let them distract you with their attacks. And don’t become jealous of their apparent success. No, when all is said and done, Solomon wanted his sons to live in a state of reverent fear of God. From Solomon’s perspective, there were only two entities in life that should instill a sense of fear and awe. One was God and the other was the king. They alone had the power to punish the wicked.

My child, fear the Lord and the king.
Don’t associate with rebels,
    for disaster will hit them suddenly.
Who knows what punishment will come
    from the Lord and the king? – Proverbs 24:21-22 NLT

For Solomon, there was no higher priority than to raise godly sons who would establish godly homes and raise godly children. And it all tied back to a warning that God had given when Solomon had dedicated the temple he had built in Jerusalem.

“As for you, if you will follow me with integrity and godliness, as David your father did, obeying all my commands, decrees, and regulations, then I will establish the throne of your dynasty over Israel forever. For I made this promise to your father, David: ‘One of your descendants will always sit on the throne of Israel.’

“But if you or your descendants abandon me and disobey the commands and decrees I have given you, and if you serve and worship other gods, then I will uproot Israel from this land that I have given them. I will reject this Temple that I have made holy to honor my name. I will make Israel an object of mockery and ridicule among the nations.” – 1 Kings 9:4-7 NLT

Solomon wasn’t simply interested in passing on helpful tips for living life. He was intent on securing the future of his home and family for generations to come. His greatest desire was that his future descendants would follow the Lord with integrity and godliness.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

New English Translation (NET)NET Bible® copyright ©1996-2017 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. http://netbible.com All rights reserved.

Good Kids Gone Bad

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

17 Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord,
    and he will repay him for his deed.
18 Discipline your son, for there is hope;
    do not set your heart on putting him to death.
19 A man of great wrath will pay the penalty,
    for if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again.
20 Listen to advice and accept instruction,
    that you may gain wisdom in the future.
21 Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
    but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
22 What is desired in a man is steadfast love,
    and a poor man is better than a liar.
23 The fear of the Lord leads to life,
    and whoever has it rests satisfied;
    he will not be visited by harm.
24 The sluggard buries his hand in the dish
    and will not even bring it back to his mouth.
25 Strike a scoffer, and the simple will learn prudence;
    reprove a man of understanding, and he will gain knowledge.
26 He who does violence to his father and chases away his mother
    is a son who brings shame and reproach.
27 Cease to hear instruction, my son,
    and you will stray from the words of knowledge.
28 A worthless witness mocks at justice,
    and the mouth of the wicked devours iniquity.
29 Condemnation is ready for scoffers,
    and beating for the backs of fools. – Proverbs 19:17-29 ESV

A rebellious child. Nobody plans for one. But they don’t just happen either. At the same time, there is no magic elixir or five-step strategy that can guarantee you won’t have one. And while we must do all we can to discipline our children while they are young and attempt to raise them in a godly atmosphere, there is no assurance that our children will never stray, never disappoint us or never become an embarrassment and a public disgrace (Proverbs 19:26 NLT).

Solomon was a big proponent of godly discipline and instruction in a child’s early developmental years. One of the most frequently quoted and misunderstood verses in the entire book of Proverbs is found in chapter 22:

Train up a child in the way he should go;
    even when he is old he will not depart from it. – Proverbs 22:6 ESV

This verse is not meant to be a scriptural panacea, offering the guarantee of a godly child if you follow God’s prescribed parenting plan. This proverb simply teaches that, while our children are young and pliable, we must do all we can to teach them the truth of God’s Word and model for them the life of wisdom and righteousness that God desires. But as children grow older, they also grow increasingly more independent, until they reach that inevitable point at which they must determine and decide their own faith and fate. They will have to decide what they are going to do with all that they have been taught. What happens at that point has as much to do with their personality and temperament as anything else. Two children raised in the same home by the same parents and under the same set of rules can turn out completely different from one another – solely based on their personality profile.

That’s why Solomon provides the following admonition: “Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives” (Proverbs 19:18 NLT). The day may come when your adult child will no longer accept your instruction or submit to your discipline. It will be too late.

Every day, countless parents ask the pain-filled, guilt-ridden questions, “Where did we go wrong?” “What could we have done differently?” “How could we have prevented this from happening?” No doubt, those questions have answers. There are inevitably some things they could have done differently, better, or not at all. None of us are perfect parents. We all make mistakes. We sin against our children and, when it comes to their sins, we overlook some and overreact to others. We are inconsistent and non-perfect parents.

And there are those times when our children turn out differently than we had hoped or dreamed; not so much because of our shortcomings as parents but because of the choices our children made along the way. That’s why Solomon cries out to his sons to listen to his instruction. He begs them to listen to what he is trying to tell them about wisdom and the life of righteousness.

If you stop listening to instruction, my child,
    you will turn your back on knowledge.  – Proverbs 19:27 NLT

Get all the advice and instruction you can,
    so you will be wise the rest of your life. – Proverbs 19:20 NLT

But ultimately, every child must come to the point where they begin making their own choices and deciding what it is they believe. They must choose to listen to all that they have been taught and begin obeying it, not because they have to, but because they want to. Their faith must become a choice of the will, not an act of submission to their parent’s wishes.

Watching your son or daughter reject the faith you have tried to instill in them is a painful thing to endure. It is gut-wrenching. The word “violence” in verse 26 is meant to shock the reader. The Hebrew word means “to devastate, ruin or violently destroy.” This pictures a son or daughter who has done some serious damage to their father. It could be financially, physically, or even just emotionally. They have devastated their father. Their actions have brought him down and knocked the props out from under him. And they have managed to alienate and drive away their own mother. She wants nothing to do with her own child. This loving mother and father now find their child to be an embarrassment and a public disgrace. All their friends can stand back and watch as their adult child lives an ungodly and unrighteous life right in front of their eyes. And the fingers point, the gossip spreads, and the pity is poured out on these two poor souls who obviously failed at parenting. But that is not Solomon’s point. He is not condemning those whose children have rebelled and rejected the way of wisdom. He is simply stressing the vital importance of godly wisdom and instruction in their early years. It is a warning to remain steadfast and committed to godly parenting “while there is hope” (Proverbs 19:18 NLT).

At the end of the day, we must place our children in the hands of God. The psalmist reminds us that “Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him” (Psalm 127:3 NLT). And God views parents as stewards, not saviors. He does not expect us to produce godly children because only He can bestow righteousness. All we can do is teach them the truth of God’s Word and model for them a life of faith and godliness. Ultimately, they will have to choose for themselves. They are free-will creatures who must one day choose God and accept His will for their lives. Many do, but some do not.

That is why Solomon repeatedly stresses the positive outcomes of a godly life. He wants his own children to understand that way of wisdom has real benefits.

Loyalty makes a person attractive.
    It is better to be poor than dishonest. – Proverbs 19:22 NLT

Fear of the Lord leads to life,
    bringing security and protection from harm. – Proverbs 19:23 NLT

Get all the advice and instruction you can,
    so you will be wise the rest of your life. – Proverbs 19:20 NLT

Yet, not all children will heed Solomon’s advice or their parents’ instructions. They will choose the wrong path and, like the prodigal son, decide to waste their inheritance and their life. But like the father of the prodigal son, we must continue to pray for them and hope for their ultimate return. We must turn them over to God and ask Him to do what only He can do. He alone can soften their heart and convict them of their rebellion. Because their sin, while painful to us as parents, is ultimately against God. They are rejecting Him, not us. And only God can restore them to a right relationship with Himself. Nothing is impossible for Him.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

New English Translation (NET)NET Bible® copyright ©1996-2017 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. http://netbible.com All rights reserved.

End-Of-Life Regrets.

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

 

Now King David was old and advanced in years. And although they covered him with clothes, he could not get warm. Therefore his servants said to him, “Let a young woman be sought for my lord the king, and let her wait on the king and be in his service. Let her lie in your arms, that my lord the king may be warm.” So they sought for a beautiful young woman throughout all the territory of Israel, and found Abishag the Shunammite, and brought her to the king. The young woman was very beautiful, and she was of service to the king and attended to him, but the king knew her not.

Now Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, “I will be king.” And he prepared for himself chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him. His father had never at any time displeased him by asking, “Why have you done thus and so?” He was also a very handsome man, and he was born next after Absalom. He conferred with Joab the son of Zeruiah and with Abiathar the priest. And they followed Adonijah and helped him. But Zadok the priest and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada and Nathan the prophet and Shimei and Rei and David’s mighty men were not with Adonijah.

Adonijah sacrificed sheep, oxen, and fattened cattle by the Serpent’s Stone, which is beside En-rogel, and he invited all his brothers, the king’s sons, and all the royal officials of Judah, but he did not invite Nathan the prophet or Benaiah or the mighty men or Solomon his brother. – 1 Kings 1:1-10 ESV

In the Hebrew Bible, the books of 1 and 2 Kings were one book and were considered by the ancients to be a continuation of the books of 1 and 2 Samuel. The Septuagint, the Greek translation of the Hebrew text, compiled sometime around 250 B.C., the single book of the Kingdoms, as it was known, was divided into two books and called 3 Kingdoms and 4 Kingdoms. They considered our 1 and 2 Samuel to be 1 and 2 Kingdoms. Hundreds of years later, with Jerome’s Vulgate (Latin) translation of the Hebrews text, the books were changed to 1 and 2 Samuel and 1 and 2 Kings. But in spite of all the name changes, the common belief remained the same: The books of 1 and 2 Kings were closely clinked to the books of 1 and 2 Samuel, continuing the narrative that began with King Saul and ended with King David.

With the opening of 1 Kings, we fast-forward and find David advanced in years. He is in poor health and requires round-the-clock nursing care. Long gone are the days of battle. David would no longer accompany his mighty men as they faced the enemies of Israel. Like every other human being, David was facing the inevitable reality of old age and death. This once-great leader was now weak and coming to the end of his long and very fruitful life.

The author provides us with an interesting piece of information that, at first glance, seems superfluous and unnecessary.

…no matter how many blankets covered him, he could not keep warm. So his advisers told him, “Let us find a young virgin to wait on you and look after you, my lord. She will lie in your arms and keep you warm.” – 1 Kings 1:1-2 NLT

These seems like an odd treatment for David’s condition, but it was actually quite common in those days. To keep an elderly person warm, they would place a healthy person in bed with them. The body heat of the younger person, trapped under the blankets, would provide the warmth the elderly person’s body could no longer produce. So, we should not automatically see this as something odd or as an indication that something sexual was going on. In fact, the text tells us that, while the girl was very beautiful, “the king had no sexual relations with her” (1 King 1:4 NLT). But it is hard not to make the connection between this period of David’s life and the earlier years when his sexual drive had gotten him into trouble. We know well the story of David and Bathsheba. But we should also remember that David had many wives. His love for women would cause him great trouble throughout his lifetime. But now, at the end of his life, David spends his days lying in bed with a young, beautiful woman, receiving no pleasure from her, other than the warmth of her body.

But it is not only David’s physical powers that have diminished. As king, his old age and incapacity are going to weaken his ability to rule. Everyone knows that his days are numbered, and there will be those who see this as an opportunity to seize the throne for themselves. One such individual was Adonijah the son of Haggith. Adonijah, whose name means “Yahweh is Lord”, was David’s fourth son, born to him by Haggith, one of David’s many wives. Adonijah was not in line to be the natural successor to the throne, but that did not stop him from coveting the position and the power that came with it. Taking a page out of the playbook of his older, deceased brother, Absalom, Adonijah “provided himself with chariots and charioteers and recruited fifty men to run in front of him” (1 Kings 1:5 NLT). That is exactly what Absalom had done when he was preparing to take the kingship from David years earlier.

Absalom bought a chariot and horses, and he hired fifty bodyguards to run ahead of him. – 2 Samuel 15:1 NLT

Adonijah decided the best way to become the next king was to act like one. And like his former older sibling, Adonijah was handsome. He had seen how far Absalom had gotten on his good looks and kingly image, so he saw no reason not to try. And the text provides us an important insight into Adonijah’s upbringing. “Now his father, King David, had never disciplined him at any time, even by asking, ‘Why are you doing that?’” (1 Kings 1:6 NLT). Once again, we see David’s failure to discipline his children coming back to haunt him. David had been a great military ruler, but had neglected to lay down any laws at home. He was a reluctant disciplinarian who let his children get away with murder, both literally and figuratively. Adonijah had seen how David had dealt with Absalom’s murder of Amnon. David had done nothing. David had even allowed Absalom to return home from exile, refusing to discipline him in any way for what he had done. And David’s lack of discipline had led Absalom to rebel against him, forcing David to flee Jerusalem and give up his kingdom. David’s kingdom had been restored to him only when Joab had killed Absalom. So Adonijah, who had been raised in this atmosphere of unrestrained freedom and license, saw no reason not to take what he coveted. He was not used to being told no. He was accustomed to getting what he wanted. And he coveted the crown.

So, Adonijah began to gather together the group who would assist him in his coup. Among them would be Joab, David’s military commander, and Abiathar the priest. These two individuals probably saw this as an opportunity to secure their positions. Joab, who had disobeyed David and killed Absalom, knew he was not on David’s good side and would probably be demoted if Solomon became king. Abiathar had stood by and watched as David had given Zadok, another priest, increasing prominence in his administration. These two men, among others, cast their allegiance with Adonijah.

Adonijah held a banquet, inviting all his brothers, except Solomon, as well as all the royal officials of Judah. For obvious reasons, David’s mighty men were left off the invitation list. This banquet was designed to win over as many of David’s former allies as possible. Like Absalom, Adonijah was playing a carefully crafted public relations game, where he was gaining favor with all those who could help him gain the throne. And all of this should remind us of the warning given to David after his affair with Bathsheba.

The Lord, the God of Israel, says: I anointed you king of Israel and saved you from the power of Saul. I gave you your master’s house and his wives and the kingdoms of Israel and Judah. And if that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more. Why, then, have you despised the word of the Lord and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife. From this time on, your family will live by the sword because you have despised me by taking Uriah’s wife to be your own. – 2 Samuel 12:7-10 NLT

Even in the closing days of David’s life, the prophecy would find itself being fulfilled. Yet another one of David’s sons would attempt to take the throne from him. Adonijah didn’t care that Solomon had been chosen by God to be the next king of Israel. He wanted the throne for himself. And all of David’s other sons, except for Solomon, would join Adonijah in his attempted coup. David, the man after God’s own heart, had raised a palace full of children who seemed to have no heart for God. Only Solomon would give evidence of having been raised in the fear and admonition of the Lord, and this was most likely due to his mother, Bathsheba, not his father. Like most men, who find themselves late in life, facing the prospect of their own death, David would long to leave a legacy of godly children. He would give his kingdom to know that his sons and daughters were godly and that his love for God would be carried on by his progeny. But David had already lost three sons due to sin and rebellion. Now he was facing the prospect of watching yet another son rebel against the expressed will of God and face the consequences. David would be remembered as a great king. But it isn’t hard to imagine that he would have preferred to have been remembered as a great father.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT)
Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG)Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

Good Looks and Bad Motives.

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

Now in all Israel there was no one so much to be praised for his handsome appearance as Absalom. From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him. And when he cut the hair of his head (for at the end of every year he used to cut it; when it was heavy on him, he cut it), he weighed the hair of his head, two hundred shekels by the king’s weight. There were born to Absalom three sons, and one daughter whose name was Tamar. She was a beautiful woman.

So Absalom lived two full years in Jerusalem, without coming into the king’s presence. Then Absalom sent for Joab, to send him to the king, but Joab would not come to him. And he sent a second time, but Joab would not come. Then he said to his servants, “See, Joab’s field is next to mine, and he has barley there; go and set it on fire.” So Absalom’s servants set the field on fire. Then Joab arose and went to Absalom at his house and said to him, “Why have your servants set my field on fire?” Absalom answered Joab, “Behold, I sent word to you, ‘Come here, that I may send you to the king, to ask, “Why have I come from Geshur? It would be better for me to be there still.” Now therefore let me go into the presence of the king, and if there is guilt in me, let him put me to death.’” Then Joab went to the king and told him, and he summoned Absalom. So he came to the king and bowed himself on his face to the ground before the king, and the king kissed Absalom. – 2 Samuel 14:25-33 ESV

David had agreed to Absalom’s return to Jerusalem, but had essentially placed him under house arrest and refusing to see him. After a three-year absence from the kingdom, Absalom found himself persona non grata, ignored by his own father and left to wonder why he had agreed to come home at all. And he would wait two full years, because David continued to rely upon his parenting style of inaction. There would be no punishment or pardon for the wrong committed. And all this time gave Absalom time to grow in his resentment for his father. He most likely recalled David’s unwillingness to take action against Amnon for raping his sister. David had done nothing. And, two years later, Absalom would get frustrated by David’s lack of decisive action, take matters into his own hands and have his brother, Amnon, murdered. This had led to his three-year exile. Now, he was home, but another two years had passed and he saw his father’s incapacity to deal with the issue at hand. Whatever respect he had once held for his father was gone. He viewed David as a man of weakness, plagued by indecisiveness.

It would be centuries later that the apostle Paul wrote the words:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4 NLT

David could have used this simple, yet profound advice. The Greek word Paul used is parorgizō and it is translated “provoke to anger”. But it can also mean “to exasperate”. To provoke someone to anger sounds like it refers to a deliberate attempt to purposefully annoy or deliberately try to rouse anger in another individual. And that most certainly can be true in many cases. But we can create anger in another human being by doing nothing. We can frustrate them by our lack of initiative or general apathy. David was provoking in Absalom an anger and resentment that was fed by his father’s lack of leadership. He was slowly beginning to view David as weak and incapable of leading decisively. And because Absalom viewed his father as being incompetent to lead his own family, he would soon reach the conclusion that he was unqualified to lead the nation of Israel.

We can see Absalom’s growing anger and frustration in how he handled Joab’s refusal to answer his requests for an audience with the king. Like his boss, Joab did nothing. And finally, Absalom snapped, taking matters into his own hands and commanding his servants to set fire to Joab’s barley crops. That got his attention. You can see Absalom’s growing exasperation with the whole situation. He had waited two years and simply wanted something to be done. He even told Joab, “I wanted you to ask the king why he brought me back from Geshur if he didn’t intend to see me. I might as well have stayed there. Let me see the king; if he finds me guilty of anything, then let him kill me” (2 Samuel 14:32 NLT). Absalom would rather face death than having to live in limbo, confined to his home. But there is almost an underlying sense that Absalom knew David would do nothing. He seems to know that his father would never sentence him to death for his murder of Amnon. So he was willing to force David’s hand, confident that his father would act true to form and do nothing. Which is exactly what happened. Joab went to David and convinced him to see Absalom, which David did. And from all appearances, it seems that David pardoned Absalom, kissing his son and restoring him to his former state. Absalom got what he wanted, but he would not be satisfied. He had had plenty of time to consider his future and plan his next moves. This would prove to be just the first step in his plan to take advantage of what he perceived as his father’s leadership flaws.

The text gives us an interesting, and somewhat out-of-context, description of Absalom’s appearance. It describes his good looks and goes into great detail about the thickness of his hair. All of this talk about Absalom’s appearance seems out of place and a bit odd. But it is designed to set up what is coming next. Absalom is handsome in appearance. In fact, “He was flawless from head to foot” (2 Samuel 14:25 NLT). And we are going to find out that he was also clever. He was a natural-born leader, who had good looks, charisma, charm and and powers of persuasion that would make any politician envious. Now that he was out from under any threat of punishment for his murder of Amnon, Absalom was going to use his good looks and natural leadership skills to plan his future, which would include his father’s downfall.

It is interesting to note that Paul gives another warning to fathers in his letter to the Colossians. He writes, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart” (Colossians 3:21 NASB). David had frustrated his son. He had done nothing to bring justice to the cause of Tamar. He had left his own daughter in a state of mourning, having had her virginity taken from her by force. The law clearly stated what David should have done.

If a man meets a virgin who is not betrothed, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are found, then the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her. He may not divorce her all his days. – Deuteronomy 22:28-29 ESV

According to the law, David should have forced Amnon to marry Tamar, and forbidden him from ever divorcing her. No longer a virgin, Tamar was left in a state where she would have been considered “damaged goods” by the men in her community. Her value as a potential wife had been irreparably damaged. All along the way, because of his indecisiveness, David had left a wake of disaster and damaged lives. His inaction had left Amnon unpunished and Tamar a humiliated and unwanted woman. His unwillingness to do the right thing had only resulted in a host of wrong outcomes. Absalom had killed Amnon and then spent three years in exile. Even when he was allowed to return home, Absalom found himself in a frustrating limbo, trapped by his father’s unwillingness to do his job as a father and his duties as a king. And all of this was going to lead to further resentment on Absalom’s part that would ultimately surface as rebellion.

 

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
New Living Translation (NLT)
Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG)Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

When Our Sins Come Home.

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her. But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. And Jonadab was a very crafty man. And he said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’” So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. And when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.”

Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go to your brother Amnon’s house and prepare food for him.” So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, where he was lying down. And she took dough and kneaded it and made cakes in his sight and baked the cakes. And she took the pan and emptied it out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, “Send out everyone from me.” So everyone went out from him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the chamber, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.

Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up! Go!” But she said to him, “No, my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me.” But he would not listen to her. He called the young man who served him and said, “Put this woman out of my presence and bolt the door after her.” Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went.– 2 Samuel 13:1-19 ESV

In this chapter, we will see yet another ugly consequence of David’s disobedience to the commands of God. He had been forgiven by God for his sins, but that did not mean there would be no consequences. In this case, we begin to see one of the unexpected consequences of David’s violation of God’s command for the king not to marry multiple wives. Three of David’s children are involved in this story. Two of them, Absalom and Tamar, were born to David by his wife, Maacah. Absalom was born while David reigned in Hebron. Tamar was most likely born after David had moved his capital to Jerusalem. Amnon was born in Hebron as well, but to a different mother, Ahinoam. David had many wives and even more children. Like any family, there would be sibling rivalry and conflicts between children. But his hyper-blended family was going to prove to be a breeding ground for trouble. And one of the things that will stand out as this story unfolds is David’s less-than-stellar parenting skills. He may have been a mighty warrior and military leader, but he appears to lack what it takes to lead his large collection of children. And this disconnection from his children will only grow worse and more deadly as the sordid details of the events become known to him.

We’re told that Amnon “loved” his half-sister, Tamar. She was young, beautiful and a virgin. And while the text claims that love was involved, it is interesting to note that the Hebrew word used to describe Amnon’s affection for Tamar can actually refer to sexual love. And as the story will so graphically demonstrate, Amnon’s attraction to his half-sister was purely physical. He lusted after her. So much so, that he made himself sick thinking about it. In his mind, Tamar was off-limits and he racked his brain constantly trying to figure out how he might have her, even as he was having immoral and inappropriate thoughts about her. With the advice of a close friend, Amnon devised a plot to carry out his lust-driven desire to have Tamar. And his father, David, unknowingly went along with it. He was oblivious to what was going on. So, he sent Tamar to take food to her “sick” brother, not knowing what Amnon had planned for her. And Amnon ended up raping his sister, against her will and despite her impassioned pleas to stop.

Tamar begged Amnon to consider what he was doing. She pleaded, “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel. Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me” (2 Samuel 13:12-13 NLT). It would not have been unprecedented for David to have agreed to a marriage between the two of them. It was a common practice in those days. Abraham had married his half-sister, Sarah (Genesis 20:12). But Amnon was not interested in marriage. He was not persuaded by Tamar’s warnings about the damage this act would do to his reputation. He could care less. He was driven by lust. And we know the deadly outcome of a life motivated by lust.

…each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. – James 1:14-15 ESV

As we see, once Amnon got what he wanted, his “love” for Tamar would turn to hatred. Having satisfied his sexual desire, he saw no more need for her. He threw her out like a used, unneeded object. He took her virginity by force and left her to deal with the shame, dishonor and humiliation all alone. She was thrown out by force. She was discarded like trash, used up and no longer of any value to Amnon. And she tore her robe and covered her head in ashes, a sign of mourning over her lost virginity. In that culture, Tamar would now be considered damaged goods. It did not matter that she was the daughter of the king. She was no longer a virgin. She would be treated with disdain and viewed with disrespect, regardless of the circumstances. No man would want her. He young life had been ruined, all because Amnon could not or would not contain his lust. He was a man driven by sexual desire. Any love he had for Tamar had been overshadowed by his lust. He had long ago stopped seeing her as his sister or even as a woman. She was an object, a trophy to be won and a forbidden desire to be satisfied – at any cost.

But this will not be the end of this story. It will get worse. As James so pointedly puts it: “and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” The most telling part of the story will be the role David plays. What will he do when he finds out what happens? How will he handle this devastating event that took place in his own home between two of his own children? David was the king, but he was also a father and a husband. How would he lead? He knew how to fight the enemies of Israel and win, but did he know how to do battle with the enemy within the walls of his own home? David was going to learn that inaction and avoidance would be inadequate reactions to what had happened. To do nothing, while the easier path to take, was going to prove disastrous and deadly.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
New Living Translation (NLT)
Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG)Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

Proverbs 19e

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

An Unexpected Outcome.

“Children who mistreat their father or chase away their mother are an embarrassment and a public disgrace.” – Proverbs 19:26 NLT

A rebellious child. Nobody plans for one. But they also don’t just happen. At the same time, there is no magic elixir or five-step strategy that will guarantee you won’t have one. While we must do all we can to discipline our children while they are young and attempt to raise them in a godly atmosphere, there is no assurance that our children will never stray, never disappoint us or never become an embarrassment and a public disgrace. While our children are young and pliable, we must do all we can to teach them the truth of God’s Word and model for them the life of wisdom and righteousness that God desires. But as our children grow older, they also grow increasingly more independent, until they reach that inevitable point at which they must determine and decide their own faith and what they are going to do with all that they have been taught. What happens at that point has as much to do with their personality and the way they’re wired than anything else. Two children raised in the same home by the same parents and under the same set of rules can turn out completely different from one another – solely based on their personality profile.

Every day, countless parents ask the pain-filled, guilt-ridden questions, “Where did we go wrong?” “What could we have done differently?” “How could we have prevented this from happening?” No doubt, there are always answers to those questions. There are inevitably some things we could have done differently, better, or not at all. None of us are perfect parents. We make mistakes. We sin against our children. We overlook some sins in our children and overreact to others. We are inconsistent and non-perfect parents. But there are those times when our children turn out differently than we had hoped our dreamed, not so much because of our shortcomings as parents, but because of choices our children have made along the way. That is why Solomon cries out to his sons to listen to his instruction. He begs them to listen to what he is trying to tell them about wisdom and the life of righteousness. “If you stop listening to my instructions, my child, you will turn your back on knowledge” (Proverbs 19:27 NLT). “Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life” (Proverbs 19:20 NLT).

But ultimately, every child must come to the point where they begin making their own choices and deciding what it is they believe. They must choose to listen to all that they have been taught and begin obeying it, not because they have to, but because they want to. Their faith must become a choice of the will, not an act of submission to their parents’ wishes. Watching your son or daughter choose to reject the faith you have tried to instill in them is a painful thing to endure. It is gut-wrenching. The word “mistreat” in this verse is probably a poor choice to convey the thought behind the original Hebrew word. It means, “to devastate, ruin or violently destroy.” This pictures a son or daughter who does some serious damage to their father. It could be financially, physically or even just emotionally. They devastate their father. Their actions bring him down, knocking the props out from under him. And they end up chasing or driving away their own mother. They want nothing to do with her. And as a result, they become an embarrassment and a public disgrace to their parents. How difficult it is to have to watch your children live ungodly lives in front of all who know you. Their lifestyle is in plain view of all and a constant reminder of what you could easily interpret as your own failure as a parent.

But at the end of the day, we must place our children in the hands of God. We are stewards, and not their saviors. We cannot make our children godly. We cannot make them righteous. All we can do is teach them the truth of God’s Word and model for them the life of faith and godliness. But ultimately, they will have to choose for themselves. They are free-will creatures who must one day choose God and accept His will for their lives. Many do, but some do not. Like the father of the prodigal son in scripture, we must continue to pray for them, looking for their ultimate return. We must turn them over to God and ask Him to do what only He can do. Only He can soften their heart and convict them of their rebellion. Because their sin, while painful to us as parents, is ultimately against God, not us. They are rejecting Him, not us. And only God can restore them to a right relationship with Himself. Nothing is impossible for Him.

Father, parenting can be a blessing, but it can also be hard work. There are times when it is difficult and things don’t turn out quite like we expected or wanted. Give us the faith to trust You even when things look dark and our children appear to have rejected us. Help us to recognize that their rebellion is against You and only You can restore them. Give us faith to trust You with the lives of our children, even when they don’t turn out the way we planned. Amen.

Ken Miller

Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org

Proverbs 19d

/ kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

Father Versus Friend.

“Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.” – Proverbs 19:18 NLT

As the father of six children, I know a fair amount about raising kids. Notice I didn’t say I knew a lot about raising kids WELL. In thirty-plus years of parenting, I have made my fair share of mistakes, and I continue to make them. But one of the most significant battles I have faced as a father is the temptation to try and be my children’s best friend, rather than their father. Here’s how it looks. Any time I have let slide some less-than-acceptable behavior because I didn’t want to run the risk of making them mad at me, I have traded in being a father for being a friend. When I have refused to punish their actions because I wanted to avoid the confrontation, I have made friendship more important than fatherhood. And every time I have made being a friend to my kids the driving factor in our relationship, I have done them a disservice. My kids don’t need me to be their best buddy, they need me to be their dad. And sometimes that role requires me to discipline and train them. Turning a blind eye to their behavior is not love, it’s a form of child abuse. When I do it, I am allowing them to act in such a way that is unacceptable and potentially harmful to their future. The Proverbs call us to discipline our children while there is still hope. In other words, there is a window of opportunity in which we can instill into our kids the kind of discipline that will ultimately manifest itself in self-discipline. We are called to teach and train them. We are commanded to encourage them and, at times, admonish them. The desire to have them like me is a dangerous one. It seems so worthwhile and right. But how many times have we sacrificed their future well-being because we refused to teach them the consequences of their actions? That kind of parenting can ruin their lives. It makes them selfish and self-centered. It teaches them that the world revolves around them. It encourages them to become self-focused children who grow up to become self-absorbed, narcissistic adults.

Coddling and caving into our kids now will only ruin them later. We are called to be their parents, not their best friends. That doesn’t mean we don’t have to worry about whether our children like us or not. But it does mean that we may have to run the risk of making them angry at times in order to help make them godly. Giving in to their every whim is not good for them, but simply bad parenting. Over the years, I have often found myself refusing to discipline my children just because I didn’t want to be unpopular. I have stayed quiet when I should have spoken up. I have looked the other way when I have should have pointed out what I saw. I have avoided when I should have confronted. Parenting is a long-term commitment. If we focus on short-term gains, not only will we lose, so will our children. We need to view what we do as an investment that pays future dividends, not a quick-fix remedy that makes our kids happy for the moment. When we parent that way we aren’t doing our kids any favors. While our children may not appreciate our discipline now, a day is coming when they will look back and recognize our efforts with gratitude not regret.

Father, help me be faithful to remain firm in my role as the disciplinarian of my kids. Don’t let me sacrifice the long-term goals for short-term gains. But also make sure I always discipline in love, not anger. Amen.

Ken Miller

Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org