1 It was told Joab, “Behold, the king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.” 2 So the victory that day was turned into mourning for all the people, for the people heard that day, “The king is grieving for his son.” 3 And the people stole into the city that day as people steal in who are ashamed when they flee in battle. 4 The king covered his face, and the king cried with a loud voice, “O my son Absalom, O Absalom, my son, my son!” 5 Then Joab came into the house to the king and said, “You have today covered with shame the faces of all your servants, who have this day saved your life and the lives of your sons and your daughters and the lives of your wives and your concubines, 6 because you love those who hate you and hate those who love you. For you have made it clear today that commanders and servants are nothing to you, for today I know that if Absalom were alive and all of us were dead today, then you would be pleased. 7 Now therefore arise, go out and speak kindly to your servants, for I swear by the Lord, if you do not go, not a man will stay with you this night, and this will be worse for you than all the evil that has come upon you from your youth until now.” 8 Then the king arose and took his seat in the gate. And the people were all told, “Behold, the king is sitting in the gate.” And all the people came before the king.
Now Israel had fled every man to his own home. 9 And all the people were arguing throughout all the tribes of Israel, saying, “The king delivered us from the hand of our enemies and saved us from the hand of the Philistines, and now he has fled out of the land from Absalom. 10 But Absalom, whom we anointed over us, is dead in battle. Now therefore why do you say nothing about bringing the king back?” – 2 Samuel 19:1-10 ESV
David needed a kick in the pants. He may have been king, but he wasn’t acting like one. His faithful followers had just handed him a great victory over Absalom and his forces, returning him to the throne of Israel, but all he could do was weep and mourn over the loss of his son. No explanation is given for David’s deep depression and what appears to be excessive grief over the death of his rebellious son. It’s impossible to know whether David was grieving over the loss of Absalom or if he was suffering remorse over his own sins that had been the impetus for the entire affair. Perhaps David was regretting his less-than-stellar parenting skills that had led to his son’s loss of respect for him and, ultimately, his rebellion against him. Whatever the reason behind David’s ongoing grief, it had become a serious problem.
David had returned to power but had ordered no victory celebration to commemorate the occasion. He had offered no words of gratitude to his troops. He had failed to express his condolences to those families whose fathers and sons had died in the battle. In fact, the text makes it clear that David was obsessed with the loss of his son and nothing else. He remained in a perpetual state of mourning, repeating the words, “O my son Absalom, O Absalom, my son, my son!” (2 Samuel 19:4 ESV).
David’s dour mood affected the entire city. We’re told the people “crept back into the town that day as though they were ashamed and had deserted in battle” (2 Samuel 19:3 NLT). Absalom’s coup attempt had been successfully shut down but “the joy of that day’s victory was turned into deep sadness” (2 Samuel 19:2 NLT) – all because of David’s lingering sorrow over his son’s death.
David was an emotional wreck and in no state to shepherd the sheep of God. He had regained his throne but had effectively abdicated his responsibilities to lead his people. As he languished in sorrow, they began to lose faith in him. They questioned his love for them, and it seemed that this state of affairs would have gone on indefinitely had Joab not intervened.
As David’s long-time friend and the commander of his army, Joab refused to sit back and watch David squander this great victory and continue to treat his people with contempt. Angered by David’s actions, Joab stepped in and spoke up and, in doing so, he took a great risk. After all, David was the king and Joab had disobeyed his direct order to spare Absalom’s life. He had personally taken it upon himself to execute the king’s son and put an end to the rebellion. Now, he was going to confront the man who could have him put to death for his insubordination. But for Joab, it was worth the risk. Something had to be done. So, in a display of extreme selflessness, Joab entered the king’s chambers and read his friend the riot act.
“Today you have embarrassed all your servants who have saved your life this day, as well as the lives of your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your concubines. You seem to love your enemies and hate your friends! For you have as much as declared today that leaders and servants don’t matter to you.” – 2 Samuel 19:5-6 NLT
Joab pulled no punches and wasted no time with niceties. He didn’t stroke the king’s ego or give him a reassuring hug. He refused to join David in mourning the loss of Absalom because he didn’t share David’s sense of sorrow or regret over Absalom’s death. His decision to kill Absalom was motivated by his love for David and his concern for the well-being of the kingdom. Now, he was putting his own life on the line by dropping a truth bomb on his inconsolable and incapacitated friend.
The Bible has much to say about the power of a well-intended and well-timed rebuke. It is never something we like to do but there are times when it is exactly what we need to do. A rebuke, when done in love, has a curative and restorative quality to it. The apostle James reminds us, “you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins” (James 5:20 NLT). David’s excessive mourning over the loss of Absalom was a sin. He was not only offending the sensibilities of his own people by overlooking all that they had done for him, but he was treating God with contempt by refusing to acknowledge that Absalom’s death had been divinely sanctioned. Through the actions of Joab, God had done what David had refused to do; punish Absalom for his murder of Amnon. David’s inaction led to Absalom’s loss of respect for him and, ultimately, to his decision to replace his father as king. Yet, God had graciously restored David to the throne. The Almighty had thwarted the plans of Absalom and reasserted His sovereign will for His chosen servant, David. But it took a wake-up call from Joab to shake David out of his debilitating state of melancholy and lethargy.
The Proverbs of Solomon have much to say about the topic of rebuke.
Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue. – Proverbs 28:23 ESV
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. – Proverbs 27:5-6 ESV
Solomon would go on to discuss the same topic in the Book of Ecclesiastes.
Better to be criticized by a wise person than to be praised by a fool. – Ecclesiastes 7:5 NLT
Perhaps Solomon, the son of David and the God-appointed heir to David’s throne learned these lessons from observing his father. He may have recalled his father’s response to Absalom’s death and hearing of Joab’s timely intervention. It’s also likely that he was familiar with the words his father penned in one of his psalms:
Let the godly strike me! It will be a kindness! If they correct me, it is soothing medicine. Don’t let me refuse it. – Psalm 141:5 NLT
What Joab had to say was difficult for David to hear. His words would have stung but they were necessary and exactly what David needed at this point in his life. Blinded by his grief, David was oblivious to the devastating impact his actions were having on all those around him. So Joab was blunt, even harsh, telling David, “You seem to love those who hate you and hate those who love you” (2 Samuel 19:6 NLT).
Those words must have been like a slap in the face to David. But Joab was not done. He continued to berate David, stating, “It seems that if Absalom had lived and all of us had died, you would be pleased” (2 Samuel 19:6 NLT). In this obvious use of hyperbole, Joab was trying to shock his friend into recognizing the error of his ways. The exaggerated nature of Joab’s words was intended to elicit some kind of response from his listless friend. His language was meant to shock and shame David in action.
One can only imagine how David’s excessive sorrow over Absalom’s death affected his other children. How were they supposed to take this over-the-top display of sorrow for their murderous and rebellious brother? What about the ten concubines who had been sexually humiliated by Absalom on the palace rooftop? How did they feel when David wept uncontrollably over the loss of his son but refused to address what he had done to them. There is no indication in the text that David ever addressed these women personally or did anything to alleviate their pain and loss.
David’s behavior had become dangerously destructive. His fractured kingdom and damaged reputation needed repair, but his obsession with Absalom’s death was doing more harm than good. So, once again, Joab took matters into his own hands and did what needed to be done. He was willing to wound his friend and risk his own life to save the kingdom – and his efforts worked.
So the king went out and took his seat at the town gate, and as the news spread throughout the town that he was there, everyone went to him. – 2 Samuel 19:8 NLT
Joab put his neck on the line. But why? Because he cared for David. He knew that if he did nothing, the ramifications would be devastating. He warned David, “Now go out there and congratulate your troops, for I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a single one of them will remain here tonight. Then you will be worse off than ever before” (2 Samuel 19:7 NLT). Doing nothing was not an option for Joab. He could not afford to sit back and watch David destroy the kingdom. There was far too much at stake.
As the Proverbs states, faithful are the wounds of a friend. Words, even when spoken in love, can hurt. But if our intention is to restore and reconcile, then the pain will be well worth it. If we are motivated by love, our words, while initially hurtful, will prove helpful in the long run. David was in deep sorrow, but it was a misdirected and unhealthy kind of sorrow that was destroying all those around him. He expressed no sorrow over the 20,000 Israelites who lost their lives in the battle between his forces and those of Absalom. He displayed no regret or repentance for his role in the whole affair. Not once does David confess to God or admit his culpability for all that had taken place. So, in a sense, David’s sorrow was unacceptable because it mourned over the wrong things. The apostle Paul provides a powerful reminder of what godly sorrow really looks like:
For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death. – 2 Corinthians 7:10 NLT
Had Joab not spoken up, David might never have woken up to the devastating nature of his actions. Joab’s love is evidenced in his willingness to say the hard things that David needed to hear. To say nothing would have been easier, but it would have been nothing less than an expression of hatred.
English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.