²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. – Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV

In verse 21, Paul called the Ephesians to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21 NLT). This admonition was stated in the context of doing God’s will and living in a way that pleases Him. But to many contemporary Christians, submission is a four-letter word that conjures up images of slave-like subjugation and subservience. Verses 23-24 strike fear into the hearts of many pastors and cause them to avoid them like the plague. If they preach these verses at all, they present them as a culturally driven anomaly with little or no application for modern-day believers.

Many view this passage as old-fashioned, a throwback to some cultural context that has no bearing on our more sophisticated modern milieu. They conclude that Paul was writing to a people trapped in an antiquated social structure that no longer applies. Either that, or he was just misogynistic and trying to keep women in their “proper” place.

But what most of us fail to realize is that submission is a non-negotiable requirement of every believer in Christ. These two verses, like so many others in Scripture, are typically lifted from their context and treated in isolation. But Paul has been talking about how believers are to live their lives, calling them to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called” (Ephesians 4:1 ESV). He repeats that thought in Chapter 5.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. – Ephesians 5:15-16 ESV

The New Living Translation translates verse 15 as “So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.” Paul was calling the Ephesian believers to live differently from their unsaved neighbors. Their behavior was to set them apart as children of God. They were to walk in love, as children of light, exhibiting the wisdom of God, not the foolishness of the world.

The verses that often get overlooked when dealing with this passage are located right before it. In them, Paul gives an admonition to every believer, male or female.

…be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. – Ephesians 5:18-21 ESV

Submission is expected of every follower of Christ. A lifestyle of submission is one of humility and honor, not subservience and servitude. When done properly, it reveres Christ by modeling the very lifestyle He lived. Jesus Himself described His mission in terms of submission and a servant-like attitude.

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” – Matthew 20:28 NLT

The apostle Paul told the believers in Corinth to imitate Christ’s example.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. – Philippians 2:5-7 NLT

This has nothing to do with Jesus’ rights. As the Son of God, He was divine and all-powerful. He created the world and all those who lived in it. Yet He was willing to submit to His Father’s will and set aside His divine privileges and prerogatives in order to serve mankind by sacrificing His life.

In the upper room, on the night that Jesus was to be betrayed and arrested, He washed His disciples’ feet. Setting aside His robe, He wrapped Himself in a towel and did what none of the others would have dared to do. As He knelt before them, performing the role of a lowly servant, Jesus told His disciples, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand” (John 13:7 ESV).

When He finished, Jesus said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them” (John 13:12-17 ESV).

Jesus’ act of submission was meant to be a living lesson for the disciples about what their lives would be like in the days to come. He was calling them to a life of service and sacrifice, where their wills would take a back seat to God’s. He expected them to submit to one another out of reverence for God and love for one another. Titles were not to stand in the way. Rights were to be set aside. Status was to be ignored. Submission was to become a key characteristic of their lives. And what the disciples did not yet understand was that Jesus’ demonstration of foot-washing was simply a foreshadowing of His ultimate act of service on the cross.

When James and John, two of Jesus’ disciples, came to Him and arrogantly asked for positions of prominence in His coming Kingdom, the rest of the disciples became angry and jealous. Jesus denied their request by presenting them with a radically different expectation for their futures.

“You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” – Mark 10:42-45 ESV

Among you, it will be different. In His Kingdom, sovereignty would be marked by slavery, and honor would be achieved through humility.

So what does all this have to do with wives submitting to their husbands? In this chapter, Paul will use a number of earthly relationships to illustrate Christian submission. He will talk about husbands and wives, children and parents, and slaves and masters. As believers, we do not operate in a vacuum. We are not independent agents, acting on our own and focused solely on our individual walk with God. We live in a communal context. Wives have husbands, and it is in that context that they are to practice submission.

Notice that Paul says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands;” he does NOT say that all women are to submit to ALL men. Paul’s discussion of submission has nothing to do with the value or significance of women in general; it has everything to do with the context of marriage. What more difficult place to practice submission than in a marriage?

Just as the disciples would never have lowered themselves to wash the feet of one another, wives will find it difficult to submit to their husbands, especially if their husbands fail to love as Paul commands. Yet submission is non-optional and is a willing coming under the other, recognizing them as more important than yourself. This is what Paul told the believers in Philippi.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2:3-4 ESV

A wife’s submission is NOT an admission of her husband’s superiority, but a recognition of God’s divine order. He has made the husband the head of the household, not because He is smarter, more spiritual, or even better equipped to lead, but so that there might be order in the home. God holds the husband responsible, just as He held Adam to a higher standard than Eve when it came to their mutual sin against Him.

Submission is essential to every relationship in which we find ourselves as Christians, and it is one of the hardest things for us to do. We long to be first and tend to view ourselves as better than others. We long to be in control, but when we submit to others, we are really submitting to God. We are coming under His divine authority and recognizing His righteous order for His creation.

At the end of the day, submission is about trusting God. It involves the realization that He is in control and has authority over the husband. A believing wife must submit to her husband “as to the Lord,” trusting God to lead him and protect her. But the temptation will be to step in and take over, especially when the husband fails to lead and love well. But when the wife attempts to take over, she is actually stepping outside God’s ordained plan. Submission will not always make sense and will not always appear to work. It may even be uncomfortable at times. But even Jesus humbled Himself to the point of death, offering Himself as a ransom for many. Submission is not a dirty word; it is the God-ordained way of life for every believer.

Father, subnission is difficult for all of us. We inherently want to be in charge and dislike playing second fiddle to anyone. We even find it hard to submit to those we love and respect. But, ultimately, we are not submitting to another person, we are submitting to You. That is why Paul makes it clear that wives are to submit “as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22 ESV). Our submission is to be focused on Your will, trusting that You know what is best for us. As Paul told the Colossians, we are to work willingly at whatever we do, as though we are working for the Lord rather than for people (Colossians 3:23) Submission is countercultural and, oftentimes, counterintuitive. As the Son of God and Creator of the universe, Your Son had every right to demand the submission and subjugation of humanity. But “though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:6-8 ESV). And You have called us to follow His example and live out that same sacrificial, selfless lifestyle in all our relationships. With the Spirit’s help, we can do it, and when we do it, we imitate Christ and glorify You. Amen

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.