Her Holiness Trumps Your Happiness

July 6, 2026 / kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

²⁵Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰because we are members of his body. ³¹“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³²This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. – Ephesians 5:25-33 ESV

In the previous two verses, Paul stated that wives are to submit to their husbands. That’s not exactly a popular topic among most women today. It sounds so archaic and comes across as demeaning and dismissive of women. But we must remember that this entire section of Paul’s letter is calling all believers to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. His reference to wives and husbands was simply a practical application of what mutual submission looks like in real life.

But the one thing that gets overlooked in this whole discussion of submission is the interrelatedness that God intends. In His divine plan, submission was not intended to be a one-way affair. Yes, wives were expected to submit to their husbands, but notice that Paul calls husbands to love their wives. And here is the important distinction: Believing husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. There is an inferred expectation of sacrifice and selflessness involved in the kind of love Paul is describing. It is an other-oriented love that suppresses its own rights and desires for the well-being of another.

However, Paul goes on to describe this kind of love as a form of self-love, because “husbands should love their wives as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5:28 ESV). For the husband, there is no me-versus-her agenda. In God’s eyes, his very existence is permanently linked to that of his wife. That is why Jesus taught that it was God’s will that a husband and wife become “one flesh.”

But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” – Mark 10:6-9 ESV

The husband is to value his wife’s life as much as his own. It is as if she has become a part of him. He is to love her as he loves his own body, nourishing and cherishing her in the same way that Christ does the church. Christ not only sacrificed His life for the church, but He also constantly intercedes on Her behalf. Even now, His full attention is focused on the church. Paul tells us, “Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us” (Romans 8:34 NLT). Paul then goes on to ask, “Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love?” (Romans 8:35 NLT). This rhetorical question is meant to be answered with a resounding “No!”

In the same way, there is nothing that should separate the love of a husband for his wife. Nothing she says or does should cause him to fall out of love with her. Now that is a tall order and a high expectation, but Paul doesn’t stop there. He adds that the husband is to make it his life’s goal to sanctify his wife, sometimes despite her and without her full cooperation. Even when she refuses to submit to him, he is to sanctify her.

But what does Paul mean when he calls husbands to sanctify their wives? Isn’t that the job of the Spirit of God? Paul is using Christ’s love for the church as an illustration of the kind of love men are to have for their wives. Christ gave Himself up for the church, sacrificing His life so that the church might be sanctified. The Greek word Paul used is hagiazō, which means “to set apart, consecrate, or make holy.” Earlier in his letter, Paul wrote that God “blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him” (Ephesians 1:3-4 ESV).

God’s desire is for His people to be holy or set apart, living in a way that reflects their status as His children. But sinfulness prevented us from living set-apart lives. Our unrighteousness kept us from living up to God’s holy standard.

For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. – Romans 3:23 NLT

Jesus made our holiness possible by His sacrificial death on the cross.

Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. – Romans 3:24-25 NLT

Jesus sacrificed His life so that we could be made holy in God’s eyes. He took on our sin and imputed His righteousness to us. He did for us what we could not do for ourselves. And, in the same way, a believing husband should make his wife’s holiness his highest priority. Her holiness should take precedence over his own happiness. God has appointed husbands to steward their wives’ sanctification. While a godly husband cannot make his wife holy, he should always treat her as such. She is a gift from God, and He has charged the husband with caring for her spiritual well-being at all costs.

Paul says that Christ cleansed the church by the washing of water with the word. This appears to refer to the gospel, the good news of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. Every believer who hears the gospel message and places their faith in Christ is cleansed from their sins. Water baptism is a statement of that reality as the believer is lowered into the water and symbolically “cleansed” from their sins. The emphasis in verse 26 is sanctification. It is not a command for men to read the Word over their wives in some kind of ritualistic purification rite.

It was Jesus’ death on the cross that provided their cleansing from sin. The point Paul seems to be making is that Jesus gave Himself up “so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:27 ESV). In the same way, the husband is to give himself up for his wife’s spiritual edification; her holiness is to be his highest priority. His chief desire is for her to experience the fullness of life Jesus died for her to have (John 10:10). But that will require sacrifice, selflessness, and submission to the will of God. When a godly husband makes his wife’s holiness his highest priority, his own happiness will have to take a backseat.

Submission is difficult; our natural inclination is to refuse any thought of submitting to someone else. Loving as Christ loved is also a formidable task and runs counter to our natural disposition toward self-centeredness and self-preservation. But we have to remember that Paul is calling us to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called” (Ephesians 4:1 ESV). He is challenging us to undertake some serious remodeling.

…put off your old self…and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. – Ephesians 4:22,24 ESV

He commands us to “walk in love, as Christ loved us” (Ephesians 5:2 ESV), as children of light (Ephesians 5:8).

Marriage is one of the primary venues God has chosen for us to model Christlikeness. He intended the marriage union to be a constant illustration of Christ and His love relationship with the church. It is to be a picture of Christ’s sacrificial love and the church’s obedient submission working in unison to accomplish God’s will. So Paul writes, “let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:22 ESV). When we do, it is for the good of our marriage and the glory of God, and serves as a living testimony of our calling as His children.

Father, these are difficult verses and seem almost impossible to carry out in real life. Loving my wife with the same intensity and all-out commitment that Christ displayed for the church seems like a tall order that is beyond my capacity to pull off. But I know You never ask me to do anything in my own strength. As Jesus told His disciples, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26 ESV). I can love my wife as Christ loved the church because You have placed Your Spirit within me and equipped me with all the power I need to do the impossible. By Your divine power, You have given me everything I need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), including loving my wife selflessly and sacrificially. But, even then, I can still gravitate back to pursuing my happiness. I can easily place my desire for self-preservation and personal pleasure ahead of Your call to love my wife. I can even make my spiritual growth a higher priority than hers. But Jesus said, “It shall not be this way among you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant” (Matthew 20:26 BSB). And Jesus practiced what He preached, all the way to the cross, You are not asking that I die for my wife, but You are expecting me to die to myself. You are commanding me to love my wife selflessly and sacrificially, just as Your Son loved the church. Yes, it’s a tall order, but with You, all things are possible. Amen

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Unfailing Faithfulness.

April 28, 2017October 21, 2019 / kdmiller55 / Leave a comment

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” – Matthew 5:31-32 ESV

Jesus follows up his radical statements regarding lust and adultery with a clarification about what the law actually says regarding the topic of divorce. Once again, He opens His remarks with the words, “It was also said.” What follows was not intended to be a restatement of the law, but a clarification of the Jewish peoples’ misunderstanding of what the law actually taught. Jesus was showing them that they had misconstrued the meaning and intent of what was written in the book of Deuteronomy. Here are the actual words:

When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance. – Deuteronomy 24:1-4 ESV

Divorce was a problem in Israel. And the reason was that the people had been taught to minimize the moral aspect regarding divorce. Their interpretation of this passage in Deuteronomy centered solely on one thing: The certificate of divorce. In other words, they read this law and saw it as a license for a man to divorce his wife.

It is essential to realize that, in Israel’s ancient culture, women had no rights. They were not free to divorce their husbands. So, this law was aimed at men. And it was not intended as some kind of get-out-of-jail-free card, providing men with an easy exit strategy from an unhappy marriage. But that is what it had become. Divorce had become commonplace. All it required was a written piece of paper, a certificate of divorce. There were no lawyers, courts, or judges involved. And the action was taken with little or no thought as to any spiritual or moral ramifications the decision might entail.

These verses are directly tied to the ones preceding them, where Jesus talked about adultery. Every Jew knew that adultery was wrong. But they had divorced the idea of adultery from divorce. And Jesus wasn’t going to allow them to do so. This is why He states, “I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32 ESV).

In just a few short sentences, Jesus drops the hammer on the Jewish concept of divorce. All the way back in the book of Genesis, at the very point in time when God had made Eve from the rib of Adam, He had said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 ESV). God’s intention had been that a man and woman would be joined together as one, for life. There had been no provision for divorce. And, at a later point in Jesus’ ministry, this issue would be raised by the Pharisees, when they asked Him, “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?” (Mark 10:2 NLT).

The context of the passage makes it clear that they were attempting to trap Jesus with this question. It was designed to be a no-win scenario. If Jesus said a man was not allowed to divorce his wife, the crowds would turn on Him. A hard-line view on marriage and divorce had gotten John the Baptist beheaded by Herod. So the Pharisees wanted to see what Jesus was going to say, and His response was simple, yet direct. He did what He was so often prone to do. He answered a question with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?” (Mark 10:3 NLT). And they responded, “Well, he permitted it. He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away” (Mark 10:4 NLT). Now, notice closely what Jesus said to them:

“He [Moses} wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” – Mark 10:5-9 NLT

C. E. B. Cranfield, in his commentary of the Gospel of Mark, clarifies that the Deuteronomy passage to which Jesus refers…

…is a divine provision to deal with situations brought about by men’s sklerokardia [hardness of heart] and to protect from its worst effects those who would suffer as a result of it. – C. E. B. Cranfield, The Gospel According to Saint Mark

In other words, this was a concession, and not to be confused with some form of divine sanctioning of divorce. It was intended to keep men from following up one sin with another. The certificate of divorce was a legal document that was based on one thing and one thing only: Some proof of “indecency” in the life of the wife. The Hebrew word used in the Deuteronomy passage had to do with actions related to indecency, shamefulness, or dishonor. A man couldn’t just grow tired of his wife and send her packing. He wasn’t free to “fall out of love” with her and produce a piece of paper to get rid of her. There had to be moral reasons for him to divorce her. And, if he did divorce her, he had to deal with the moral ramifications of his decision.

Jesus makes it perfectly clear that, unless the man’s wife was guilty of unfaithfulness, in the form of sexual immorality, he had no right to divorce her. If he did, he was causing her to commit adultery with the next man she married. Because, in God’s eyes, she and her first husband were still one. And if she did remarry and was given divorce papers a second time, the first husband was not free to remarry her, without being guilty of adultery as well. And any husband, after having divorced his wife, who decided to marry a woman who had also been divorced without proper cause, would be guilty of adultery.

Why is Jesus belaboring this point? What is the real issue He is addressing? It is faithfulness. It all gets back to the perception/reality problem. For the Jews, their perception regarding divorce was that divorce was possible under certain conditions. You just had to follow the rules. But with the help of the religious leaders, the rules had been redefined. Divorce had become an accepted norm. But Jesus was out to deal with reality. He blatantly countered that divorce results in adultery. Marriage was intended to be a covenant, a binding relationship between two people, and sealed before God Almighty. And Jesus clarifies the significance of that reality, when He says, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:9 ESV).

Divorce was never God’s intention for mankind. Marriage was designed to be a permanent union, creating a divine bond between two individuals. Divorce was a breaking of the marriage covenant. It was an act of unfaithfulness. And God had stated that the only legitimate grounds for divorce would be based on unfaithfulness. And yet, He was not prescribing divorce as the solution to the problem of unfaithfulness. Jesus made it painfully clear that there was only one reason God made a provision for divorce: “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so” (Matthew 19:8 ESV).

One of the things God has always looked for in His people is faithfulness. God expected the people of Israel, His chosen people, to remain faithful to Him. But He often accused them of spiritual adultery.

“Have you seen what she did, that faithless one, Israel, how she went up on every high hill and under every green tree, and there played the whore? And I thought, ‘After she has done all this she will return to me,’ but she did not return, and her treacherous sister Judah saw it. She saw that for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce. Yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but she too went and played the whore. Because she took her whoredom lightly, she polluted the land, committing adultery with stone and tree. Yet for all this her treacherous sister Judah did not return to me with her whole heart, but in pretense, declares the Lord.” – Jeremiah 3:6-10 ESV

Israel had a track record of unfaithfulness to God. They couldn’t keep from wandering after other “lovers.” And the whole point Jesus seems to be making is our unfaithfulness on a horizontal level is a reflection of our unfaithfulness on a vertical level. How are we to remain faithful to God if we can’t remain faithful to our spouse? Our lack of commitment reveals a heart problem, not a compatibility issue.

God’s greatest concern is man’s relationship with Him. Sinful man is divorced or separated from God. Unfaithfulness has created a barrier between man and God. All men and women have proven themselves unfaithful to God. We have gone after other lovers, pursued other gods, and sought other relationships to meet our needs and satisfy our desires. But God, in His grace and mercy, sent His Son as the means by which we might be restored to a right relationship with Him. He wants to end our spiritual adultery and put a stop to our unfaithfulness. And it will only take place if we allow Him to renew our hearts and redeem us from our love affair with sin, self, and Satan.

Jesus is calling the people of God back to God. I love the way the apostle Paul puts it:

And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ. – 2 Corinthians 5:18-21 NLT

New Living Translation (NLT)
Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Devotionary

The Bible Made Accessible and Applicable

the two shall become one

Her Holiness Trumps Your Happiness

Unfailing Faithfulness.