tough love

Tough Love Isn’t Easy, But It’s Necessary

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10 For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. 11 For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter. 12 So although I wrote to you, it was not for the sake of the one who did the wrong, nor for the sake of the one who suffered the wrong, but in order that your earnestness for us might be revealed to you in the sight of God. 13 Therefore we are comforted.

And besides our own comfort, we rejoiced still more at the joy of Titus, because his spirit has been refreshed by you all. 14 For whatever boasts I made to him about you, I was not put to shame. But just as everything we said to you was true, so also our boasting before Titus has proved true. 15 And his affection for you is even greater, as he remembers the obedience of you all, how you received him with fear and trembling. 16 I rejoice, because I have complete confidence in you. – 2 Corinthians 7:10-16 ESV

Something had happened within the church at Corinth. A situation had occurred that compelled Paul to write a now-lost letter. In that letter, he had been forced to confront the issue.

I wrote to you so that in the sight of God you could see for yourselves how loyal you are to us.– 2 Corinthians 7:12 ESV

Paul says the purpose behind writing his confrontational letter was to reveal to them just how loyal they were to him and his leadership. Evidently, the individual to whom Paul refers had been critical of his ministry and authority, and “the one who suffered the wrong” had been Paul himself.

Paul always had critics; there was no shortage of those who questioned his apostleship or argued against his authority. Whoever this individual was, he had been misleading the church and undermining all the work Paul had done there. So, in this follow-up letter, Paul responds to the Corinthians after hearing back from Titus, whom he had sent to check on the situation firsthand. The report from Titus was encouraging.

“Therefore we are comforted,” Paul proudly states. Titus had informed him that the Corinthians had remained committed to his teaching and leadership. In fact, Paul states that any grief or sorrow his letter might have produced “leads us away from sin and results in salvation” (2 Corinthians 7:10 NLT). That is why he can refer to it as godly sorrow, rather than worldly sorrow. The sorrow associated with this world can only produce disappointment and, ultimately, death. Sorrow over sin that does not result in a willingness to repent of it is non-productive and unhelpful. Sorrow over sin that does not drive us to the foot of the cross for cleansing by Christ’s blood can never produce life. Worldly sorrow can only produce despair, resentment, anger, and a growing callousness. We find ourselves becoming less and less sorrowful over our sin, finally reaching the point where we claim that we have not sinned at all.

But for believers, godly sorrow produces repentance, and repentance leads to forgiveness. Paul points out that the Corinthians’ sorrow had a positive outcome.

Just see what this godly sorrow produced in you! Such earnestness, such concern to clear yourselves, such indignation, such alarm, such longing to see me, such zeal, and such a readiness to punish wrong. You showed that you have done everything necessary to make things right. – 2 Corinthians 7:11 NLT

Paul’s earlier letter had produced a sorrow that revealed their desire to do what was right. They had been saddened at the thought that their actions had caused Paul pain, and were motivated to show him that they remained faithful to him. It alarmed them that their behavior had led Paul to question their loyalty, and they realized they had been lax in dealing with the one causing the trouble.  All Paul had done was point out their sin; the Holy Spirit had done the rest. The Spirit had used Paul’s words to convict the Corinthians, and the outcome had been their repentance and the restoration of their relationship with Paul.

Paul even comments that Titus had been encouraged by his visit to check on the Corinthians. He states, “his spirit has been refreshed by you all” (2 Corinthians 7:13b ESV). Titus returned joyful and told Paul that all his boasts about the Corinthians had been true.

Paul ends this section of his letter by telling them, “I have complete confidence in you” (2 Corinthians 7:16 ESV). It is the same way he started his letter.

I have great confidence in you; I take great pride on your behalf. I am filled with encouragement; I am overflowing with joy in the midst of all our suffering. – 2 Corinthians 7:4 NET

Paul was greatly encouraged by the news that the Corinthians had not wandered away from the faith or rejected his role as their spiritual father. He had a deep longing to see them grow spiritually, and a father’s heart that desired to protect his spiritual children from harm and to keep them from straying away from the truth. So the news that they remained faithful was enough to help Paul endure the trials and troubles he faced as he continued to share the gospel throughout Macedonia and the surrounding regions.

He could rest easy knowing that his flock in Corinth remained safe and secure. His loving confrontation had led to their sorrow and repentance, and their repentance had resulted in their salvation; they had been rescued or delivered from a potentially destructive path. Because of Paul’s love and with the Holy Spirit’s help, they had been able to make a course correction and return to the path God had intended for them to follow.

But what if Paul had never written that now-missing letter? What if he had chosen to ignore their sin and had refused to confront them because he didn’t want to offend them? Love is not the same as tolerance. Godly love is willing to say the hard thing. It compassionately confronts and affectionately admonishes. Allowing a brother or sister in Christ to continue in sin because you don’t want to offend them isn’t love. That would be like allowing your child to play in the street because you don’t want to spoil their fun. Your fear that your child will see you as a spoilsport is not good parenting, and it certainly isn’t love. In fact, it’s a subtle and dangerous form of child abuse. Godly love is willing to disappoint and even to produce hostility as long as it results in godly sorrow, which leads to repentance and life.

My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins. – James 5:19-20 NLT

Father, tough love is hard. Our innate desire to be liked by others prevents us from loving them the same way You love us. You refuse to tolerate our sin or allow us to make our personal pleasure our top priority. It’s not that You isolate us from temptation or innoculate us from sin’s influence; it’s that You use Your Holy Spirit to confront and convict us when we do sin. You lovingly expose our acts of rebellion and call us to repent of them. And that is what Paul did with the Corinthians. He loved them too much to tolerate their ungodly behavior. He was willing to risk losing their affection to keep them from damaging their relationship with You. Their spiritual well-being meant more to him than their friendship. But it is so easy to see our tolerance of one another’s sins as somehow loving. We convince ourselves we are just being patient and non-judgmental. But Peter said, “the time has come for judgment, and it must begin with God’s household” (1 Peter 4:17 NLT). The Proverbs states, “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy” (Proverbs 27:6 NLT). Give me the strength to love others well by making their holiness a higher priority than their happiness. Amen

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Practicing the Three R’s

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5 Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. 6 For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, 7 so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. 9 For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything. 10 Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, 11 so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs. – 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 ESV

In these verses, Paul refers to an unnamed individual who had been a source of trouble in the church. Evidently, he had played an adversarial role, attempting to undermine or question Paul’s ministry or the validity of his apostleship. In doing so, he had caused Paul and the church pain  (lypeō – sadness or grief). This man’s disruptive presence had been a source of consternation and sorrow, and Paul concedes that it had been harder on the Corinthians than it had been on him.

Unlike their earlier response to the man who had been having an incestuous relationship with his stepmother (1 Corinthians 5:1-2), in this case, they had chosen to deal with it. Even this had caused grief, because practicing tough love toward a fellow believer is never easy. In the case of the young man committing adultery with his stepmother, Paul had told them, “You should remove this man from your fellowship” (1 Corinthians 5:2 NLT). He went on to defend his recommendation, telling them, “You must throw this man out and hand him over to Satan so that his sinful nature will be destroyed and he himself will be saved on the day the Lord returns.” (1 Corinthians 5:5 NLT).

Church discipline is neither fun nor easy, but the alternative can be devastating. Paul had warned the Corinthians of the danger of procrastinating about internal problems within the church. 

Don’t you realize that this sin is like a little yeast that spreads through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old “yeast” by removing this wicked person from among you. Then you will be like a fresh batch of dough made without yeast, which is what you really are. – 1 Corinthians 5:6-7 NLT

Regarding the individual Paul refers to in this letter, the Corinthians had practiced church discipline, but now it was time to restore their brother in Christ. He gently, but firmly, reminds them, “Most of you opposed him, and that was punishment enough. Now, however, it is time to forgive and comfort him. Otherwise, he may be overcome by discouragement” (2 Corinthians 2:6-7 NLT).

The goal of church discipline should be the repentance, restoration, and reconciliation of the offending party. This man’s public ostracization by the church had made an impact on his life. Now, Paul wanted them to forgive and restore him so that he would not lose heart and perhaps fall into greater sin. Paul writes, “ I urge you now to reaffirm your love for him” (2 Corinthians 2:8 NLT).

According to Paul, the body of Christ has been given the ministry of reconciliation. It was the same ministry to which he had been called by Christ.

And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” – 2 Corinthians 5:18-20 NLT

Helping restore lost individuals to a right relationship with God is our mission. However, it also includes restoring believers who, through persistent, unrepentant sin, have walked away from God and the body of Christ. Paul told the believers in Galatia:

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. – Galatians 6:1 NLT

It would be ungodly to practice church discipline on a fellow believer without pursuing the ultimate goal of their restoration. Removing an offending believer from your fellowship without intending to restore them one day is not what Paul had in mind.

One of the things we must always keep in mind is that Satan is always out to divide and conquer. Jesus said of him, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10a ESV). His intention is to attack those within the flock of God who are weak and vulnerable. He can’t take away their salvation, but he can steal their effectiveness and joy. He can kill their sense of contentment and destroy their unity with the body of Christ. Satan would much rather destroy the church from within than attack it from the outside. That is why we must be so concerned about sin within the camp.

Sin, like yeast, permeates and spreads. It can be like cancer, growing unobserved and undetected, silently infecting the entire body. So we must always be on the alert and willing to confront sin within the body of Christ. But along with confrontation, we must extend compassion and pursue restoration. And it all begins with forgiveness. This was a recurring theme for Paul:

…be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:32 NLT

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. – Colossians 3:13 NLT

May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory. – Romans 15:5-7 NLT

Paul knew that God longed for unity among His people. Christ prayed for it in His High Priestly Prayer.

“I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.

“I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.” – John 17:20-23

Sin was and is an ever-present reality within the body of Christ, but forgiveness should be as well. Otherwise, we open ourselves to the evil schemes of Satan, who seeks to outwit us and destroy the unity Christ died to provide. That is why we need to practice the three R’s: Repentance, reconciliation, and restoration.

We are in this together. We are the body of Christ, the family of God, and our unity should be as important to us as it is to our heavenly Father.

Father, unity does not mean universality. As members of the body of Christ, we are not all the same. We come from different backgrounds, have differing talents and abilities, and we have each been given a different gift by the Holy Spirit for the mutual edification of the church. But we all share a common struggle with indwelling sin; we can’t escape it. Some are more spiritually mature than others. There are those who are weak and more susceptible to sin. And while You have called us to confront sin when we see it, we should never do so without pursuing their repentance and reconciliation. You never said it would be easy, but as Paul makes clear, reconciliation is a non-negotiable necessity. Peter said that judgment begins in the house of God (1 Peter 1:17), but it must be accompanied by restorative love and a desire for spiritual healing. Show us how to practice tough love with the heart of Christ, and never out of judgmentalism or prideful arrogance. Amen

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Love, Not Tolerance.

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For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter. So although I wrote to you, it was not for the sake of the one who did the wrong, nor for the sake of the one who suffered the wrong, but in order that your earnestness for us might be revealed to you in the sight of God. Therefore we are comforted.

And besides our own comfort, we rejoiced still more at the joy of Titus, because his spirit has been refreshed by you all. For whatever boasts I made to him about you, I was not put to shame. But just as everything we said to you was true, so also our boasting before Titus has proved true. And his affection for you is even greater, as he remembers the obedience of you all, how you received him with fear and trembling. I rejoice, because I have complete confidence in you. – 2 Corinthians 7:10-16 ESV

Something had happened within the church at Corinth. There was some situation that had taken place about which Paul was compelled to write a now-lost letter. In that letter he had be forced to confront the issue. He writes, “although I wrote to you, it was not for the sake of the one who did the wrong, nor for the sake of the one who suffered the wrong” (2 Corinthians 7:12 ESV). Paul says the purpose in having written them his confrontational letter had been to reveal to them just how truly loyal they were to him and his leadership. Evidently the individual to whom Paul refers had been critical of his ministry and authority, and “the one who suffered the wrong” had been Paul himself. Paul always had critics. There was no shortage of those individuals who questioned his apostleship or argued against his authority. Whoever this individual was, he had been misleading the church and undermining all the work Paul had done there. So, in this letter, Paul is following up with the Corinthians, after having heard back from Titus, whom he had sent to check on the situation first-hand. The report from Titus was encouraging. “Therefore we are comforted,” Paul proudly states. They had remained committed to Paul’s teaching and committed to following his leadership. In fact, Paul states that any grief or sorrow his letter might have produced, had resulted in “a repentance that leads to salvation without regret” (2 Corinthians 7:10 ESV). That is why he can refer to it as godly sorrow, rather than worldly sorrow. The sorrow associated with this world can only produce death. Sorrow over sin that does not result in a willingness to repent of it can not produce life change. Sorrow over sin that does not drive us to the foot of the cross for cleansing by Christ’s blood can never produce life. Worldly sorrow can only produce despair, resentment, anger, and a growing callousness. We find ourselves becoming less and less sorrowful over our sin, finally reaching the point where we claim that we have not sinned at all.

But for believers, godly sorrow produces repentance, and repentance leads to forgiveness. Paul points out that the sorrow of the Corinthians had had a positive outcome.

Just see what this godly sorrow produced in you! Such earnestness, such concern to clear yourselves, such indignation, such alarm, such longing to see me, such zeal, and such a readiness to punish wrong. You showed that you have done everything necessary to make things right. – 2 Corinthians 7:11 NLT

It had revealed their desire to do what was right. They had been saddened at the thought that their actions had caused Paul pain. They were motivated to show him that they remained faithful to him. It alarmed them that their behavior had led Paul to question their loyalty. And they realized that they had been lax in dealing with the one who had been causing the trouble.  All Paul had done was point out their sin. The Holy Spirit had done the rest. He had used the words of Paul to convict the Corinthians and the outcome was their repentance and the restoration of their relationship with Paul.

Paul even comments that Titus had been encouraged by his visit to check on the Corinthians. Paul says, “his spirit has been refreshed by you all” (2 Corinthians 7:13b ESV). He returned joyful and telling Paul that all his boasts about the Corinthians had been true.

Paul ends this section of his letter with the word, “I have complete confidence in you” (2 Corinthians 7:16 ESV). It is the same he started it. “I have great confidence in you; I take great pride on your behalf. I am filled with encouragement; I am overflowing with joy in the midst of all our suffering” (2 Corinthians 7:4 NET). Paul was encouraged greatly by the news that the Corinthians had not wandered away from the faith or rejected his role as their spiritual father. He had a deep, deep longing to see them grow spiritually. He had a father’s heart that desired to protect his spiritual children from harm and to keep them from straying away from the truth. So the news that they remained faithful was enough to help Paul make it through the trials and troubles he faced as he continued to share the gospel throughout Macedonia and the surrounding regions. He could rest easy knowing that his flock in Corinth remained safe and secure. His loving confrontation had resulted in their sorrow. Their sorrow had led to their repentance. And their repentance had resulted in their salvation. They had been rescued or delivered from a potentially destructive path. Because of the love of Paul and with the help of the Holy Spirit, they had been able to make a course correction and return to the path God had intended for them to follow. But what if Paul had never written that now-missing letter? What if he had chosen to ignore their sin? What if he had refused to confront them because he didn’t want to offend them? Love is not the same as tolerance. Godly love is willing to say the hard thing. It compassionately confronts. It affectionately admonishes. Allowing a brother or sister in Christ to continue in sin because you don’t want to offend them isn’t love. That would be like allowing your child to play in the street because you don’t want to spoil all their fun, because you don’t want to come across as the “bad” parent. But that’s not love, it’s a subtle and dangerous form of child abuse. Godly love is willing to hurt. Godly love is willing to produce godly sorrow, because godly sorrow leads to repentance and life.

My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins. – James 5:19-20 NLT

When Judgment Is Justified.

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I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people — not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler — not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.” – 1 Corinthians 5:9-13 ESV

Evidently, Paul had written another letter to the church in Corinth that was sent prior to this one. In it he had made it quite clear that they were “not to associate with sexually immoral people.” That one command makes their toleration of the sin within their midst all the more egregious. They had turned a blind eye to the individual in their fellowship who was having an incestuous affair with his stepmother. Rather than confront this man about his sin, they were willingly tolerating it, even bragging about it. And yet, according to these verses, it seems that the believers in Corinth were isolating themselves from the unbelievers in their city. They were practicing a form of isolationism, refusing to have anything to do with the lost, probably out of a sense of moral superiority.

But Paul wants to make himself perfectly clear. In his previous letter, he was in no way promoting a brand of monasticism or spiritual isolationism. To attempt to eliminate all contact with unbelieving sinners would require that they leave the world. It is impossible to disassociate oneself as a believer from all contact with the lost. In fact, to attempt to do so would go against Jesus’ call that we be salt and light in a world filled with moral decay and spiritual darkness. Jesus Himself was accused of associating with sinners. He went out of His way to spend time with those who, in His day, were deemed the worst of sinners. If we adopt a policy of spiritual isolationism, it will be difficult to “Go into all the world and preach the Good News to everyone” (Mark 6:15 NLT). Had Paul determined to have nothing do with the immoral, greedy, swindlers, and idolaters, no one in Corinth would have ever come to know Jesus Christ as their Savior. In the very next chapter, Paul writes,

Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people — none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. – 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 NLT

As Christians, it is so easy to judge the world and to view ourselves as somehow morally superior because of our faith in Christ. But we should never forget that, prior to the gift of grace given to us by God, we were sinners, condemned, unclean. We“lived in this world without God and without hope” (Ephesians 2:12 NLT). But God showed us mercy and graciously revealed to us the message of hope found in the death, burial and resurrection of His Son. We were lost, but God found us. We were spiritually blind, but God gave us sight. We were dead in our trespasses and sins, but God gave us new life through Christ.

We have no right to judge the world. But Paul would say that we have every right and responsibility to judge one another as believers. The Greek word Paul uses is κρίνω (krinō) and it has a range of meanings. It can mean “to pronounce an opinion concerning right and wrong.” It can also mean, “to pronounce judgment, to subject to censure” (“G2919 – krinō – Strong’s Greek Lexicon (KJV).” Blue Letter Bible). There is a sense in which we are to judge one another’s actions. But our judgment is not to be arbitrary or subjective. It is not left up to our own opinion. We are to use the Word of God with the help of the Spirit of God to determine whether the behavior of a brother or sister in Christ is in keeping with the will of God. Our first goal should be restoration. Paul told the Galatians, “Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself” (Galatians 6:1 NLT). James wrote something very similar: “My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins” (James 5:19-20 NLT). If we judge or determine that a fellow believer is living in sin, we have an obligation to lovingly confront them. Our goal is to be repentance and restoration. But in those cases where they refuse to repent, we have a responsibility to the body of Christ to practice a form of tough love. We must remove them from our midst. Paul says, “not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people” (1 Corinthians 5:11 NLT). Their lifestyle choice does not match their professed belief in Jesus. By their actions, they are bringing shame and dishonor to the name of God. They are a cancer in the body of Christ, and our refusal to remove them allows their sinful, disobedient mindset to infect others.

It is our willful tolerance of sin in the camp that causes the body of Christ to be weak and anemic. We are more than willing to judge the world, pointing our fingers at their sinfulness and pridefully claiming the moral high ground. But when it comes to the blatant sins of our own, we are more than willing to turn a blind eye and act as if nothing is wrong. That is exactly what the Corinthians had done. There was sin in their midst and they had chosen to ignore it. Like so many of us today, they were probably saying, “Who am I to judge?” Or they were basing their lack of judgment on the words of Jesus, “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?” (Matthew 7:1-3 NLT). But what Jesus was saying was that we are not meant to pass judgment on those whom we have no authority to do so. The context to Jesus’ statement is hypocrisy – judging someone else when you have not effectively dealt with your own sin. It is judging and condemning the “speck” of sin in someone else’s life while ignoring your the “log” of sin in your own.

Judgment is appropriate and right when done with the spiritual well-being of the body of Christ in mind. We have a responsibility to protect the integrity of God’s household, removing those who refuse to repent. The fact is, we all sin. But we are to confess our sins and turn from them. When we do, God is faithful to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. But if we choose to remain unrepentant, our brothers and sisters in Christ have an obligation to step in and call us out. As Paul so clearly puts it: “It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning” (1 Corinthians 5:12 NLT).

 

2 Corinthians 2:1-13

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Tough Love.

2 Corinthians 2:1-13

I wrote that letter in great anguish, with a troubled heart and many tears. I didn’t want to grieve you, but I wanted to let you know how much love I have for you. – 2 Corinthians 2:4 NLT

Paul’s love for the Corinthians believer was like that of a father for his children. He was proud of them and felt a strong responsibility for their welfare. He worried about their spiritual health and was concerned for survival in the high-pressure context of a pagan city like Corinth. So Paul wrote them words of encouragement and instruction, as he did in 1st Corinthians. But there were times when he had to take a harsher, sterner tone, in order to deal with actions and attitudes that were dangerous and un-Christlike. Paul loved the believers in Corinth enough to say things that caused them sorrow – for the time being. He evidently wrote a second letter, which commentators refer to as “the sorrowful letter,” which has been lost. Paul refers to it in verse 3: “That is why I wrote you as I did, so that when I do come, I won’t be grieved by the very ones who ought to give me the greatest joy.” He had written them a letter containing some strong words and loving admonitions. He had written that letter “in great anguish.”  It had been accompanied by “a troubled heart and many tears.” Paul loved them very much, but he loved them enough to say things they needed to hear, but that were hard to listen to. His words were written in love, not anger. They were expressed out of heartfelt concern, not pride or arrogance. But his words hurt all the same. And he knew it.

Paul had a reason behind his words. They were not written flippantly or thoughtlessly. “I wrote to you as I did to test you and see if you would fully comply with my instructions” (2 Corinthians 2:9 NLT). It was vitally important to Paul that they accept him for who he was – an emissary of Jesus Christ, a God-sent messenger of the gospel and a legitimate apostle of the Church. He wasn’t on some kind of an ego trip, but was simply trying to get them to understand that he spoke on behalf of and with the complete authority of God Himself. It was essential that they listen to and obey what he said. He was not just sharing his opinions, but the word of God and the message of Jesus Christ. Paul was dealing with some specific issues going on in the church in Corinth. There was a situation that involved a member of the congregation that had caused a great deal of division and strife in the church. It may have been the man Paul dealt with in 1st Corinthians who had had an immoral relationship with his step-mother. It could have been someone who had personally insulted Paul by speaking against him and leading the church into accepting false teaching. But whoever the man was, he had been opposed by the church, punished for his sin, and now it was time to reconcile and restore the relationship. Paul urged them “to reaffirm your love for him” (2 Corinthians 2:8 NLT). He wanted them to extend grace, love and mercy to this man and restore him to the fellowship. Paul knew that Satan would love nothing more than to divide the church from within. He knew that the enemy would be far more successful destroying the cause of Christ if he could cause division and disunity among believers. External pressure tends to solidify and strengthen the church. But internal strife causes cracks and chasms to weaken the spiritual infrastructure of the church, diminishing its power and effectiveness.

Paul loved the cause of Christ too much to allow that to happen. He was not going to stand idly by and watch the Corinthian believers self-destruct. So he said what needed to be said. He spoke the truth, but always with love. When he spoke, he shared God’s will, not his own. He was not driven by ego or self-preservation, but out of love for the Kingdom of God and the spread of the gospel message around the world. He knew that the greatest barrier to the gospel’s expansion was a weakened church. Compromise, complacency, disharmony and disunity among God’s people would be deadly to the cause of Christ. Unforgiveness, hatred, resentment, jealousy, pride, self-centeredness, and injustice had no place among God’s people. And when Paul saw these things, he spoke against them. Paul had told them what God expected of them. “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT).

Paul loved the believers in Corinth. He loved them enough to speak truth. He loved them enough to cause them sorrow, if only for the moment. Because he knew that exposing their sin was essential if they were to grow. Later on, in his letter to the believers in Ephesus, Paul would write, “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church” (Ephesians 4:15 NLT). Love is honest. It does not lie or tolerate falsehood. Love doesn’t overlook sin, but confronts it. Love doesn’t minimize unrighteousness, but exposes it. Love can hurt, but love never fails.

Father, help me learn to love like Paul did. Show me how to speak truth, Your truth, in such a way that it results in conviction and produces righteousness in the lives of others. Show me how to say what needs to be said, but always in love, not out of pride, arrogance or ever with a heart filled with hatred. Amen.

Ken Miller
Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org

Proverbs 27

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Cultivating True Community.

“Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” – Proverbs 27:6 NLT

Let’s face it. Relationships are messy. Living with others can be difficult at times. But there is a huge advantage to living in true biblical community. And the Proverbs have a lot to say about the impact of wisdom and foolishness on our relationships. A fool is self-centered and myopic, only thinking about himself and tends to live with a certain level of insensitivity. He doesn’t think about how his words and actions will impact those around him. He doesn’t even care. But a man or woman of wisdom understands their responsibility to care about and care for those around them and the live accordingly. Those who live in true community understand that words are powerful. They know that there will be times when words of encouragement are needed, but also times when a word of warning or rebuke is necessary. In a healthy relationship to withhold a much-deserved rebuke is as wrong as refusing to express our love verbally.  “An open rebuke is better than hidden love” (Proverbs 27:5 NLT). While correction and criticism is never easy to receive, a true friend will care enough about us to tell us the hard truth. “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy” (Proverbs 27:6 NLT). Fools will tell us what we want to hear. They will tell us how wonderful we think we are, but overlook the faults in our lives that are preventing us from being who God wants us to be. False flattery is deadly. It puffs us up and gives us a false sense of confidence and feeds our self-righteousness. But a true friend will tell us the truth, even if it hurts. “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend” (Proverbs 27:17 NLT). Friendships should involve friction. But it should productive friction. As we rub up against one another in our relationships there should be a certain give-and-take that allows us to push, prod, and pull each other towards increasing righteousness.

Many of our relationships are shallow and dishonest. We refuse to speak truth into one another’s lives. We openly tolerate godlessness and flatter one another with words of kindness when what we really need is a swift kick in the pants and a dose of reality. But many of us are afraid to play hardball in our relationships because we fear what others may say about how we live our lives. We’re afraid that if we critique someone else’s life, it will leave the door open for them to return the favor. And we’re exactly right – it will. And we should welcome it. The truth is, most of us have no idea what we’re really like. We can’t see our faults and weaknesses. Our foolish friends will leave us thinking we don’t have any. But a true friend will point them out in a loving, caring way, and help us take steps to correct them. They are able to look into our lives and see our heart, something we can’t do on our own. “As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person” (Proverbs 27:19 NLT). We need one another. We need real relationships that produce real life change. True biblical community is messy. It involves transparency, accountability, honesty, humility, patience and love. It takes work, but it is worth it. Cultivating true community has long-term, real-life benefits. “Never abandon a friend – either yours or your father’s. When disaster strikes, you won’t have to ask your brother for assistance. It’s better to go to a neighbor than to a brother who lives far away” (Proverbs 27:10 NLT).

Father, You designed us for community, but what most of us experience in our relationships isn’t even close to what You had in mind. We are fake, shallow, dishonest and far too tolerant of ungodly behavior in one another. Give us a boldness to live in true community. Give us a desire to live in righteous relationships where we truly sharpen one another like iron sharpens iron. Amen.

Ken Miller

Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org