unbelieving spouse

No One Said It Would Be Easy.

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To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? – 1 Corinthians 7:12-17 ESV

This is an extremely difficult passage and there are as many opinions concerning it as there are commentaries written about it. First of all, when Paul says, “To the rest I say, (I, not the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:7 ESV), he is not implying that what he has to say concerning these matters is simply his personal opinion and not divinely inspired. He is merely indicating that this is not something he heard taught by Jesus Himself. But as an expert in the Old Testament and an apostle of Jesus Christ, and due to the fact that he was divinely inspired by the Spirit of God, the words he writes must be considered as coming from God.

His emphasis in these verses shifts from addressing married couples who are comprised of believing husbands and wives. Now he is addressing those who find themselves married to an unbeliever. This was probably a very common issue in the church in Corinth. There were likely a good many who had come to faith in Christ apart from their spouse and who found themselves in a potentially difficult and compromising circumstance. If there were children involved, the situation was even more complicated. There were obviously those who were counseling that it would be better for a Christian to divorce their unbelieving spouse than to remain married. Paul would even give what appears to be similar counsel in his second letter to the Corinthians:

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? – 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 ESV

And while this passage has been used to defend the ban on Christians marrying non-Christians, that was likely not Paul’s original point. He was addressing the need to avoid the kinds of relationships with unbelievers that might lead to spiritual defilement. This obviously applied to marriage, but was not restricted to it. Paul was not counseling or sanctioning that Christians separate themselves completely from the world. That would be impossible. In fact, earlier in this letter he referred to another piece of correspondence to the Corinthians in which he told them, “not to associate with sexually immoral people” (1 Corinthians 5:9 ESV). But he clarified what he had meant by saying, “not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world” (1 Corinthians 5:10 ESV). So Paul was in no way a proponent of Christian isolationism.

So what is a Christian to do who finds themselves married to an unbeliever? The main point here has to do with divorce, and Paul would say that it is wrong for a believer to divorce their unbelieving spouse. Rather, they should see themselves as a godly influence on their home. Their very presence within the home sanctified it or set it apart. This is where some of the difficulty comes about when interpreting what Paul means when he says, “the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:14 ESV). It would be inconsistent with the rest of Scripture to say that Paul means the believing spouse “saves” the marriage and converts the unbelieving partner. The lost spouse is made “holy” only in the sense that he or she finds themselves benefiting from the presence of a believer living within the same walls. Living in close proximity with a Spirit-filled believer could not help but have an influence on them. And this is true of the children in the home as well. They are not automatically saved as a result of having one believing parent, any more than those children who have two believing parents would be. But in a sense, they would be set apart by God by virtue of His having called one of their parents to saving relationship with His Son.

The real point of these verses seems to deal with what a believer is to do if their unbelieving spouse chooses to divorce them. The truth is that the very presence of a Christian in the home could drive the unbelieving partner away. As Peter indicates in his letter, there is a chance that a godly wife could have a positive impact on her unbelieving husband.

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. – 1 Peter 3:1-2 NLT)

But there is also a good chance that her presence could result in conviction and conflict. The same is true of a believing husband. There is no guarantee that a lost spouse will be led to the Lord by a believing partner. I think that is what Paul means when he asks, “For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:16 ESV). So Paul’s counsel is that if a Christian finds themselves served with divorce papers by an unbelieving spouse, they should not fight it. But at the same time, they should not be the instigators of it. Paul simply says, “if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved” (1 Corinthians 7:15a ESV). His bottom line goal was peace, not conflict. “God has called you to peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15b ESV). God receives no glory from a marriage in which two unequally yoked individuals fight and feud with one another. If the marriage is relatively conflict-free and the unbelieving partner is willing to remain married, the Christian should in no way seek divorce. As Paul will write in the following verses, “Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called” (1 Corinthians 7:20 ESV).

These are difficult words. But they deal with the reality of the gospel entering into a difficult and depraved world. When light shines in the darkness, there cannot help but be conflict. When believers come into contact with the lost, there will be tension, testing, and the potential for trouble. Jesus warned us that the world would hate us. Our redemption as believers places a target on our back and makes us prime candidate for persecution by the enemy. The life of a believer is not an easy one. Our call to live set apart in a world that is set against us will not be a cake walk. We will be misunderstood. At times we will be mistreated. But we will never be abandoned by our God.

1 Corinthians 7:1-24

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Right Where God Wants You.

1 Corinthians 7:1-24

Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches. – 1 Corinthians 7:17 NLT

The Corinthians had questions. Their new-found faith in Christ has raised some interesting issues and caused them to reach some dangerous conclusions. So the appealed to Paul by sending him a letter laced with questions concerning a wide variety of issues. Chapter seven of 1 Corinthians contains Paul’s response. One of the first things they asked about was sexual relationships. This one was extremely confusing for them. They lived in a sexually charged society where sexual immorality was part of the daily worship in the pagan temples. Promiscuity was common place. Marital infidelity was rampant and almost expected. So one of the first questions they asked Paul was whether they should simply abstain from sexual relationships altogether. The problem was that some of them had come to view sex as something perverted and immoral, which led to them to conclude that they would be better off without it. It seems that others within the church were being tempted to take on the standards of the culture around them, where adultery was not only accepted, but expected. There were others who had come to faith in Christ, while their spouses had not. They were struggling with whether or not they should leave their unbelieving spouse. There were evidently some married couples in the church who had completely eliminated the sexual relationship from their marriage – all because they had mistakenly concluded that sex was sinful and wrong. Some, who were single, were struggling with whether or not they should get married at all. After all, if sex was immoral, then what purpose could there be in getting married. But by refusing to get married, these individuals were not eliminating their sexual desires. Their decision was leading to lust and potentially the sin of sex outside of marriage.

It would seem that Paul had been inundated with all kinds of questions in the letter he had received. And he methodically and patiently answers each and every one of them. But there is a phrase that Paul uses three separate times in his response. His repetitive use of this phrase was a not-so-subtle attempt to give it extra weight. He was trying to drive home an important message. After answering a number of their questions, Paul said, “Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you” (1 Corinthians 7:17 NLT). Just a few lines later, he repeats the same admonition: “Yes, each of you should remain as you were when God called you” (1 Corinthians 7:20 NLT). Then he said it one more time for emphasis. “Each of you, dear brothers and sisters, should remain as you were when God first called you” (1 Corinthians 7:24 NLT). In their attempt to be “good Christians,” the Corinthians believers were contemplating some serious, but misguided alterations to their lifestyles. Believing spouses were seriously considering walking out on their unbelieving partners – even if it meant leaving their children behind. To drive home his point, Paul used the illustration of circumcision. A man who had been circumcised prior to becoming a Christian would not need to try and reverse the procedure after coming to Christ. And a man who was uncircumcised prior to coming to Christ would not need to get circumcised post-conversion. Circumcision was not the point. It was obedience to God. Couples that were considering the elimination of sex from their relationship should think seriously and soberly before making a change of that magnitude. While there might be some short-term situations where abstinence made sense, it was not a good long-term strategy. Paul encouraged those Corinthian believers who had been slaves when they came to Christ to willingly remain slaves. He reminded them that it was more important that they understood they were now free from enslavement to sin and the world.

The Corinthians were confused and struggling with how to live out their faith in their daily lives. Paul seemed to be encouraging them to stay right where they were and watch God work in their current circumstances. How many times have you seen someone come to faith in Christ, then begin to question everything? Should they remain in school or in a certain relationship? Should they quit their job and go to seminary? Should they change careers and look for something more “spiritual?” Should they downsize their home and sell all their possessions? What Paul seems to be saying is that we all need to understand that God was fully aware of our circumstances when He called us. He knew our situation intimately and saved us in the midst of it. In Paul’s mind, it made sense to stay right where you were when God saved you. This does not mean that we should not seek life change and transformation. But we have to understand that a change in circumstance will not make us more holy. Leaving an unbelieving spouse will not result in increased sanctification. When God saves someone, His intention is to set that person apart right where he is. He wants them to be salt and light in his current context. God saved Paul and then used him right where he was. He gave him a new message and a new purpose in life, but he left him in the same environment where he could be an influence on his former peers. Sometimes were are tempted to make wholesale changes to our lives when we come to Christ. But sometimes we need to sit pat and wait for God to show us what He would have us do. Remaining where we are and in the circumstances in which we were saved takes patience and faith. A married woman who becomes a believer will need the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit to live in a home with a husband who remains unsaved and possibly antagonistic to her new-found faith. A new believer who finds himself working in a less-than-fulfilling job will need to trust God and wait for His direction before assuming that he would be better off somewhere else. God saved him right where he was. He knew his circumstances and probably had a purpose for converting him in the midst of that context. The question to ask is, “What would God have me do?”

If we’re not careful, we could become so obsessed with making changes in our circumstances that would allow us to serve God more effectively, that we overlook the opportunities right in front of our face. So often, God has us right where He wants us. But we refuse to accept that reality. We get wrapped up in the questions of “What if…?” What if I weren’t married? What if I weren’t single? What if I had a different job? What if I lived in a different city? What if I stopped doing this and started doing that? What if didn’t have all these responsibilities holding me back? What if? What if? What if? Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you.

Father, it is so easy to play the “What if?” game We think a change in circumstances will change everything. And yet, You tend to have us right where You want us. If You want to change our circumstances, You are fully capable. Teach us to be content. I want to be able to say as Paul did, “…for I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” Amen.

Ken Miller
Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org