wicked heart

A Risky Request.

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Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. – Psalm 139:23-24 ESV

Psalm 139

David closes out his prayer with a powerful petition. It is an apt summation of all that he has prayed up to this point. Fully aware that God knows everything about him and that there is nothing he can hide from God, David requests that God reveal what’s going on in the inside of his own heart. This simply prayer reveals so much of what David knew about God, but ultimately, it lets us know that David knew God loved him. David trusted God. He was asking God to reveal things in his life to which he was either blind or simply oblivious. Rather than fear God’s omniscience, David wanted to take advantage of it. He wanted the all-knowing, ever-present God to search inside the recesses of his heart and “point out anything in me that offends you.” That’s a risky proposition. Not because God is going to discover something He didn’t already know. That’s been David’s point all along. God already knows. But it’s risky, because it means that God is going to reveal to David what he doesn’t know, and then David is going to be faced with the choice of agreeing with it and confessing it, or disagreeing with it and denying it. The former results in God’s forgiveness. The latter will result in His discipline.

But this prayer of David’s should be that of every individual who calls Christ his or her Savior. Our relationship with Jesus Christ has provided us with an intimate relationship with God the Father. We are able to come into His presence and enjoy His love, grace and forgiveness. He has created us, redeemed us, and knows everything about us. He loves us deeply and sent His Son not only to die for us, but to make it possible for us to be progressively transformed into His image. To do that, He is constantly exposing the sin in our life so that we might confess it and enjoy His forgiveness. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 ESV). The truth is, we are incapable of seeing so much of the darkness that lies within our own hearts. Jeremiah the prophet wrote, “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” (Jeremiah 17:9 ESV). The answer is God. He knows our hearts and He can reveal what is hidden from our view. God alone can reveal what is behind our “anxious thoughts.” The Hebrew word David uses is sar`aph and it refers to “disquieting thoughts.” God can tell us why we’re so anxious and worried. He can tell us what is driving our fear. We may think it is a past-due bill, but God may show us that it really our lack of trust in His provision. We may think our anxiety is due to a damaged relationship, but God may reveal that it is really a fear of man or our own lack of love. God has the innate ability to get to the root issue. And so often, it is the result of sin. There was a time in David’s life when he was having trouble sleeping. He could have written it off to his high-pressure job as king of Israel. But God reveals that it was the result of his affair with Bathsheba. David had internalized and rationalized his sin. But God saw it all and made sure David saw it as He did. That’s where the risk comes in.

But David knew that it was better to have his sins exposed by God than to try and live with them hidden. He knew he could fool others, but he could never fool God. He knows everything. And God was the key to David’s spiritual transformation. He needed God to help him live righteously. He was a man after God’s own heart, but he desperately needed God to constantly renew his heart. Refusing to let God reveal what is going on inside our hearts is like going to the doctor and refusing to let him tell us what is wrong with us. Not knowing will not make us better. Ignorance is not bliss. Unrevealed sin, like unseen cancer, does not mean it does not exist. It is there, wreaking havoc on our spiritual lives and doing damage to all those around us. We should want to know what God knows. When God had revealed to David the depth of the sin he had committed with Bathsheba, David prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10 ESV). God had convicted him. Now David wanted God to cleanse him. He knew that God alone was capable of cleaning up the mess he had made with his life. God doesn’t just give us the prognosis, He provides the cure. He doesn’t just point out our sin, He makes possible the prescription for renewed spiritual health and vitality.

We can’t confess what we don’t know. That’s why we need God. We tend to see only the symptoms of our sin. God sees the source. He knows the root cause of all our thoughts, words and actions. We are blind to our pride, envy, idolatry, lust and more. But God sees it all. So David wanted the all-knowing God, who made Him and knew everything about him, to shine His divine flashlight into the recesses of his heart and point out anything and everything that offended Him. That’s a risky, yet rewarding prayer to pray, because it will show us things we don’t want to see, but it will also allow God to make us who He desires us to be.

Renewed From Within.

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Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. – Psalm 51:10-11 ESV

Psalm 51

Dependence upon God. It’s a good thing. It’s a necessary thing. Most of us don’t like being dependent, but God created us to have a healthy dependence on Him. He created us, but He also sustains us. “In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind” (Job 12:10 ESV). Not only do we need God for life, but we need Him in order to experience abundance of life. Since the moment sin entered the world through the disobedience of Adam and Eve, mankind has suffered from a broken relationship with God. Our hearts were damaged as a result of the fall, resulting in an internal disease that manifests itself in our outward behavior. The prophet Jeremiah gives us the sobering diagnosis: “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” (Jeremiah 17:9 NLT). Years later, Jesus would confirm Jeremiah’s diagnosis. “For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person” (Mark 7:21-23 ESV). Mankind suffers from a deadly heart disease. The external sins we commit, as listed by Jesus, are simply the symptoms of a much greater problem going on inside. And David was well aware that his real issue was worse than even his sin with Bathsheba. He desperately desired a healed heart. He knew he would never stop himself from sinning unless God did something drastic. What he needed was soul surgery, a radical realignment of his very nature, something only God could do. While David was fully capable of confessing his sins, only God could cleanse and renew him. Only God could take care of the source of the problem, David’s sin-saturated heart. While David could admit that he had done wrong, he had no capacity within himself to stop it from happening again. He needed a clean heart and a renewed spirit. His natural inclination was to drift away from God. His heart was prone to give in to his sin nature, feeding his passions and desires, even when they were contrary to the will of God. Paul described this dilemma well. “For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do” (Galatians 5:17 ESV). It’s interesting to note that David begs God, “take not your Holy Spirit from me.” He knew that God’s indwelling presence was essential for him to be able to experience true heart change. Without the Spirit’s help, David would be left to give in to the inclinations of his flesh, which, according to Paul, would result in a less-than-ideal outcome. “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these” (Galatians 5:19-21 ESV). David had just experienced the truth of Paul’s claim. Now he needed cleansing and renewal. He needed God to do what only He could do.

Admission of guilt does not eliminate responsibility or remove condemnation. It simply paves the way for God to perform the miracle of extending His grace, mercy, forgiveness and love. When we come to Him with a heart broken by our sin and shamed by our disobedience toward Him, He offers us cleansing and renewal. In the words of the apostle John, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 ESV). We confess, God cleanses. We repent, God renews.

While our sin deserves God’s rejection and righteous retribution, He offers us restoration and renewal. David’s greatest fear was a loss of fellowship with God. He knew just how dependent he was upon God. He was nothing without God. That is why he prayed, “Cast me not away from your presence.” Alienation from God was a scary thing to David. Earlier in his life, long before he had become a powerful king, David had spent years living in exile, with a bounty on his head. He had known what it was like to feel alone and seemingly abandoned by God. In one of his earlier Psalms he had written, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest” (Psalm 22:1-2 ESV). He had cried out to God, “Be not far from me” and “do not be far off!” During those bleak times of his life, when he had been surrounded by external enemies and threats on his life, he had learned to depend upon and turn to God for help. And now that his life was threatened by an eternal enemy: his own heart, he turned to God again. He knew that unless God helped him, he was helpless and hopeless. But David knew the words of the Lord, spoken as the people of Israel stood on the edge of the Promised Land facing the enemies who lived there. “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV). God would not abandon him or leave him to fight his internal battles alone. Our battle with sin is not ours to fight. If we try to defeat sin alone, we will fail. But if we recognize our need for God’s help and dependence upon His Spirit’s strength, we can experience victory. We can know what it means to be cleansed and renewed, from the inside out.