children

Fulness of Joy

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12 Though I have much to write to you, I would rather not use paper and ink. Instead I hope to come to you and talk face to face, so that our joy may be complete.

13 The children of your elect sister greet you. – 2 John 1:12-13 ESV

Despite its abbreviated length, this letter packs a punch. John wasted no time or words in getting to the point he wanted to make. In fact, he indicated that, while there had been other topics he wanted to address with them, he had chosen to dedicate this letter to a single subject. And he let them know that it was his desire to come and visit them in person. It must have been difficult for John, Paul, and the other apostles to attempt to minister to so many churches spread over such a great distance.

These small and isolated congregations often lacked local leadership and were filled with people who had little knowledge of what it meant to live as a Christian. Beyond their initial exposure to the Gospel message and their acceptance of it, they had probably received scant details regarding their ongoing sanctification. That’s why these letters were so vital to the spiritual well-being of these local gatherings of new converts to Christianity. There was no completed canon of Scripture. There were no books available at the local Christian bookstore. They had no access to podcasts or online sermons and studies. Every day, they would find themselves bombarded by everything from false doctrine to the insults of their pagan friends and family members. The motivation to give in to temptation and to give up on the promises found in the Gospel would have been intense.

And the enemy knew that the compromise of their faith would be just as effective as their complete repudiation of it. A diminishment or diluting of their belief in the deity of Jesus would be just as damaging as if they denied Him altogether. That is why John wrote his letter. Finding himself physically separated from this fledgling congregation, he took advantage of the primary communications media of his day: The letter.

He penned a loving but stern warning to a group of people who he recognized as children in the faith. They were spiritual newborns who needed to be cared for and protected so they could reach full spiritual maturity. This was the same message that Peter expressed in one of his letters:

Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment… – 1 Peter 2:2 NLT

Both Peter and John recognized that everyone enters the faith as a spiritual infant, immature and ill-prepared for the journey ahead of them. Yes, they have the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit, but they require feeding and instruction. That is why Jesus commissioned His disciples to “Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you” (Matthew 28:20 NLT). And beyond the initial group of men whom Jesus had sent, He had raised up other leaders to shepherd His flock. And the apostle Paul describes the job description of these individuals.

Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. – Ephesians 4:11-12 NLT

But despite the efforts of these Christ-commissioned leaders, the spiritual maturity of the church is not automatic or guaranteed. Paul expressed his concern for the lack of spiritual growth among the believers in Corinth, describing them as infants in Christ, rather than healthy, mature adults.

Dear brothers and sisters, when I was with you I couldn’t talk to you as I would to spiritual people. I had to talk as though you belonged to this world or as though you were infants in Christ. I had to feed you with milk, not with solid food, because you weren’t ready for anything stronger. And you still aren’t ready, for you are still controlled by your sinful nature. – 1 Corinthians 3:1-3 NLT

Spiritual growth is non-optional. Just as parents expect their child to grow into a fully functioning adult, so God expects His children to mature in their faith until, as Paul put it, “we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ” (Ephesians 4:13 NLT).

But the sad reality is that some who claim to be followers of Christ fail to grow up. They remain spiritual infants, stunted in their growth and unable to contribute to the well-being of the body of Christ. The author of Hebrews had strong words for those who choose to remain in a state of spiritual infancy.

You have been believers so long now that you ought to be teaching others. Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things about God’s word. You are like babies who need milk and cannot eat solid food. – Hebrews 5:12 NLT

John cared deeply for those to whom he wrote. He knew that they were susceptible to false teaching and faulty doctrine. And the enemy was attacking the foundational elements of their faith: The deity of Jesus and the reality of the resurrection. If those pillars of the faith fell, there would be nothing to support their further growth in godliness. That is why John was so adamant that they have nothing to do with those who taught lies concerning Jesus. They needed to remain committed to the truth. It was the key to their future glorification, but also to their present sanctification.

The enemy continues to attack the church by disseminating falsehood. He cannot stop anyone from coming to faith in Christ, but he can hinder their efforts to grow up into Christ. He does so by turning Jesus into nothing more than a good man whose life is worth emulating. He presents Jesus as an icon of virtue and a model for righteousness. Idolizing Jesus is fully acceptable. But worshiping Him as God is not. Seeing Jesus as a saint-like figure who did good deeds is preferable to recognizing Him as the Savior who died for the sins of man.

But John wanted his readers to know that the lies of the enemy, while subtle, were sinister and deadly. They needed to wake up and grow up. They needed to be alert to the dangers all around them. The promises concerning the Gospel were true, but the enemy was going to do everything in his power to confuse truth with lies. But John started out his letter by reminding his audience that the truth “abides in us and will be with us forever” (2 John 1:2 ESV). And he ended his letter by stating his desire to see them face to face so “that our joy may be complete” (2 John 1:12 ESV).

These words echo what John wrote in his first letter. The fulness of joy John described and desired was available only through a persistent and unwavering trust in the truth about Jesus.

We proclaim to you the one who existed from the beginning, whom we have heard and seen. We saw him with our own eyes and touched him with our own hands. He is the Word of life. This one who is life itself was revealed to us, and we have seen him. And now we testify and proclaim to you that he is the one who is eternal life. He was with the Father, and then he was revealed to us. We proclaim to you what we ourselves have actually seen and heard so that you may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We are writing these things so that you may fully share our joy. – 1 John 4:1-4 NLT

The believers to whom John wrote had never seen Jesus. They had never had the pleasure of hearing Him teach or watching Him perform miracles. They had not been there when He rose from the dead and appeared to the disciples. But John wanted them to know that everything they had heard about Jesus was true. And he wanted them to experience the same degree of joy that he and the other disciples had felt when they saw their Savior in His resurrected state.

John knew that fulness of joy was directly tied to faith in Jesus. He would have recalled the words of Jesus

“Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” – John 15:4-5 NLT

And John’s emphasis on fulness of joy was borrowed from the lips of Jesus Himself.

“I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!” – John 15:11 NLT

John knew that the key to joy was a commitment to the truth as proclaimed by Jesus. He was the vine and they were the branches. And as long as they remained in Him, they would produce much fruit. They would mature and grow, as the life-transforming power of God flowed through them and out from them to all those around them.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT)
Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG)Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

Godly Homes.

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Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:1-4 ESV

One of the most important things for us to keep in mind when considering Paul’s call for believers to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, is that it is impossible to do without the power of the Holy Spirit. Yes, you could pull it off in your own power for a season, but it wouldn’t be long before your old sin nature raised its ugly head, causing pride and self-centeredness to take center stage again. For wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to sacrificially love their wives, the Holy Spirit is a non-negotiable necessity. He alone can provide us with the fruit we will need to “walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true” (Ephesians 5:8 ESV).

Here in chapter six, Paul now draws our attention to yet another relationship in which the fruit of the Holy Spirit will be essential. He calls for children to obey their parents. The Greek word Paul uses carries the idea of listening and obeying. It infers the sense of submitting to the God-given authority of one’s parents and the obedience rendered to them is to be “in the Lord,” which is another way of saying “out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21 ESV). Just as wives are to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord,” children are to obey their parents with an awareness that they are really submitting to the will of God for their lives. Now, this is going to be very difficult for young children to comprehend. And even after a child comes to faith in Christ, they will have difficulty understanding what it means to obey in the Lord. That is where the careful, patient, and persistent training of godly parents comes in. Even very young children are naturally prone toward disobedience. Their wills develop quickly and their innate desires to do what they want show up very early on in their development. Obedience is not natural to children. They may not initially know that they are being disobedient, but their natural drive toward self-autonomy will cause them to choose their will over that of their parents.

In these first three verses, Paul seems to be addressing two different phases of childhood, starting with young children and moving up to adult children. After commanding children to obey, Paul reaches back into the Mosaic law and quotes the fifth commandment: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12 ESV). And he provides a side note that says, “this is the first commandment with a promise” (Ephesians 6:2 ESV). Rather than obedience, Paul calls for honor. The word “honor” carries with it the idea of reverence and veneration. In the Hebrew, it is kabad and it actually means “heaviness” or “weight.” There should be a weightiness or significance given by adult children to the God-given role of their parents in their lives. While young children will not be capable of grasping the significance of this concept, older children, especially adult children can and should. It is interesting to note that in Deuteronomy 6, Moses told the people of Israel, “Now this is the commandment — the statutes and the rules — that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long” (Deuteronomy 6:1-2 ESV). Moses was calling the people of God to obedience, so that their days would be long in the land. Then Moses went on to give them the motivating factor that should be behind their obedience to God:

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. – Deuteronomy 6:5-9 ESV

Verse five contains the great shema. This is what Jesus would later say is the greatest commandment. Love is to be the primary motivating factor behind obedience to God. And Paul seems to be saying that, ultimately, love should be behind the obedience of children to their parents and the honor they give them in their later years. But for this to happen, Moses said that parents were to teach their children diligently. They were to talk about the things of God all the time. Obedience to God was to be a constant topic in the home. And parents were to be the primary source for instruction and illustration of what that obedience was to look like.

Which is why Paul addresses fathers. In God’s economy, fathers are held to a higher standard by God. They are responsible for the spiritual well-being of their household. So Paul warns fathers about provoking or exasperating their children. Nothing will frustrate a child more than inconsistency in the life of a father. His behavior toward and in front of his children will have a dramatic impact on their spiritual well-being. Hypocrisy in parents is one of the greatest negative influences on the life of a child. Fathers who say one thing and do another end up frustrating and confusing their children. Fathers who demand one set of standards for their children while living outside of those standards themselves, will end up causing anger and resentment in their children. Which is why Paul says, “Fathers, don’t provoke your children to anger” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV). Another surprising cause of anger within children is a lack of discipline. Children need boundaries. They require supervision and discipline in their lives. This will require training on the part of the parents, and the father is ultimately responsible. A father who is overly strict or heavy handed in his discipline will end up exasperating his children. But a father who is lax and lazy in providing his children with loving discipline and godly instruction, will also provoke his children to anger. That is why Paul tells fathers to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. The goal of all believing parents should be to raise godly children. While we can’t cause our children to come to faith in Christ, we can provide an environment in which the truth of the gospel can be lived out in their sight and the love of God can be modeled in their lives.

Live Up To Your Calling.

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I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit — just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call — one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. – Ephesians 4:1-6 ESV

The idea of the church had at one time been a mystery, but now that it had been revealed and begun to spread throughout the world, Paul was on a mission to make sure that it lived up to its calling. When he refers to walking in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, Paul is talking about lifestyle, not physical fitness. He is addressing the church’s need to conduct itself in the world according to the plan God has laid out for it. The NET Bible translates the first two verses as, “I, therefore, the prisoner for the Lord, urge you to live worthily of the calling with which you have been called.” The calling each believer has received is the same. It is the calling of the Holy Spirit that allowed each and every individual who was once dead in their sins and blind to the reality of the gospel, to be able to hear and respond to the offer of salvation made possible through Jesus Christ. Jesus quite boldly and matter-of-factly claimed, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day” (John 6:44 ESV). The Greek word John used is ἕλκω (helkō) and it means, “to draw by inward power, lead, impel” (“G1670 – helkō – Strong’s Greek Lexicon (KJV).” Blue Letter Bible). It was God who had made it possible for those Jews and Gentiles in Paul’s audience to come to faith in Christ. He is the one who called, impelled and drew them. It was He who placed them in the body of Christ. Now Paul wanted them to live up to that calling. In other words, he expected them to reflect their new nature and standing.

And Paul gets quite specific. He lists out humility, gentleness, patience and love as four visible characteristics of those who have been called or set apart by God. Each of the four are other-oriented. They take into account those with whom we live within the body of Christ. They each require a high degree of selflessness. Paul told the “called ones” in Philippi, “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too” (Philippians 2:3-4 NLT). Then he went on to tell them, “You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had” (Philippians 2:5 NLT). What kind of attitude or mindset did Jesus have? He was humble. He was willing to leave behind the glory of heaven and take on human flesh in order to provide redemption for mankind. He was a servant. Even though He was the Son of God and worthy of honor, He put aside His royalty and lived among humanity, so that He could serve those in bondage to sin and death. He was patient. He endured ridicule, rejection, taunts, false accusations and, ultimately, death at the hands of those He came to save. He could have destroyed them, but instead, He died for them. He was loving. As Paul will point on in the very next chapter of this letter, we are to emulate Christ’s example. “Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God” (Ephesians 5:2 NLT).

Paul wants his readers to be “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3 ESV). There is a oneness and a unity within the church that is like nothing else in the world. We have all been called by God and not a one of us deserved that calling. We were all in the same place prior to hearing God’s call. We were lost. We were dead in our trespasses and sins. We were spiritually blind. We were separated from God. We were hopeless. And we were totally helpless to do anything about it. But God called and placed us within the body of Christ. He unified us, in spite of our differences. He gave us a common bond and a shared responsibility to live up to our new status as His children and heirs.

For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus. And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have put on Christ, like putting on new clothes. There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. – Galatians 6:26-28 NLT

Paul told the Colossian believers that he constantly prayed for them, asking God to give them complete knowledge of His will and spiritual wisdom and understanding. As a result of receiving those things, Paul said, “the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better” (Colossians 1:9-10 NLT). The way they lived their lives would be honoring and glorifying to God. And that was Paul’s desire for the believers in Ephesus as well.

In verses 4-6, Paul uses the word, “one” seven different times. It would seem that he was trying to make a point. Those believers to whom he was writing all had one thing in common: Their calling by God. But that calling was multidimensional. They were all called by one and the same Spirit of God. They were all placed in one body: the body of Christ. They were all called to the very same hope – their future glorification and the promise of eternal life. They all worshiped one Lord, as a result of one factor: faith. They had all experienced the unity of baptism. And all of it had been made possible by the one God and Father of all.

One God. One calling. One hope. One Lord. One church. One response: Live up to your calling.

Parental Prayers.

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Give your love of justice to the king, O God, and righteousness to the king’s son. Help him judge your people in the right way; let the poor always be treated fairly. – Psalm 72:1-2 ESV

What should you pray for your kids? As a father of six, I have struggled with that question over the years. There were times when I prayed for their safety. Prior to their conversions, I prayed relentlessly that they would come to faith in Christ. There were plenty of times I begged God to help them just get along. I asked Him to give them good friends and to help them succeed in school. I prayed for their future mates and, in for the four who are still not married, I still do. I prayed for their healing when they were sick, for them to have joy when they were sad, that they would develop a love for God’s Word and a desire to live for Him all the days of their lives – and I still do. But as my kids have grown up and I have grown older, I have seen my prayers change in both tone and content. I have learned from reading and studying the prayers of the Bible. I have discovered there is something far more important than my children’s safety, happiness, success, future spouses, friendships, or health. It is their godliness. As i read this psalm written by David for his son, Solomon, I was reminded once again that what my children have really needed over the years is rarely what I have prayed for them. David was praying for his son as he began his reign as the king of Israel. And what he prayed for him is revealing. He asked, “Give your love of justice to the king, O God, and righteousness to the king’s son.” He didn’t pray that Solomon would be a successful king or a powerful ruler. He didn’t ask God to give him victories over all his enemies. He asked for something far more significant. The NET Bible translates David’s request in a way that makes them even more impactful. David was asking God to give his son “the ability to make just decisions” and “the ability to make fair decisions.” David knew that Solomon’s future success as a king was going to be based solely on his godliness. Solomon was going to need God’s help in the form of God’s wisdom in order to rule wisely, justly, and fairly.

It’s interesting to note that, in the early days of his reign, Solomon had a dream in which God appeared to him and said, “What do you want? Ask, and I will give it to you!” (1 Kings 3:5 ESV). Solomon’s answer seems to reveal that David had spent some time drilling into his son the understanding that wisdom and godliness were the most important assets he could seek in his life. Because when Solomon responded to God’s question, he said, “Give me an understanding heart so that I can govern your people well and know the difference between right and wrong. For who by himself is able to govern this great people of yours?” (1 Kings 3:9 NLT). The Scriptures tell us that God was pleased with Solomon’s request and that God responded, “Because you have asked for wisdom in governing my people with justice and have not asked for a long life or wealth or the death of your enemies—I will give you what you asked for! I will give you a wise and understanding heart such as no one else has had or ever will have! And I will also give you what you did not ask for—riches and fame! No other king in all the world will be compared to you for the rest of your life! And if you follow me and obey my decrees and my commands as your father, David, did, I will give you a long life” (1 Kings 3:11-14 NLT).

David knew that Solomon’s greatest need was God. Whether he became a king or a commoner, Solomon was going to need God to guide him, direct him, and provide him with a sense of right and wrong, justice and mercy, righteousness and fairness. It is interesting to note that the apostle Paul prayed for his children in the faith in a similar way. He told the young believers in Colossae, “We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better” (Colossians 1:9-10 NLT). He knew that the key to them living lives that were God-honoring, God-pleasing, and spiritually fruitful, was that they be godly, being filled with a knowledge of God’s will.

Our children’s greatest need is God. Their future success is dependent upon their dependence upon God. Their future marriages will thrive only to the degree that they are filled with God’s wisdom, justice, righteousness and understanding. It doesn’t matter how much money they make or how many degrees they earn. It doesn’t matter how far up the corporate ladder they climb or how big a home they eventually live in. Their greatest need will remain their need for God. Their greatest strength will remain their reliance upon God. What our children really need can’t come from this world. It can only come from God. Their greatest need is spiritual, not physical, emotional, or financial. Godly children grow up to be godly teachers, parents, husbands, wives, nurses, doctors, accountants, and friends. Pray that they get more of God. Pray that they be filled with His wisdom and understanding. The more they have of Him, the more impact they will have on the world and the greater influence they will have on those around them.

Colossians 3:18-25

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Practical Piety.

Colossians 3:18-25

And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. – Colossians 3:17 NLT

So far in this chapter, Paul has reminded us that God has chosen us to live as holy people, set apart and distinctively different than the world around us. We are to live lives that exhibit tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. We are to make allowance for one another’s faults. We are to forgive when others offend us, just as the Lord has forgiven us. We are to clothe ourselves with love, seek to live in harmony and peace, and allow the message of Jesus’ life-changing power fill our lives and impact our relationships with others.

Now he gets practical and personal. He gives us concrete examples of what this kind of life looks like in the everyday world. Wives are to submit to he Lord. This is always a controversial and somewhat unpopular topic among Christians. In our modern-day context it sounds archaic and antiquated. It comes across as someone who is out of touch with reality. But before we get too bent out of shape, it might help to take a look at another one of Paul’s letters where he addresses this same issue. “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:21-22 NLT). Notice that Paul puts his statement within the context of mutual submission within the body of Christ, and under the headship of Christ. So when he tells wives to submit to their husbands, the issue is headship and God-given authority, not a matter of value or worth. The submission he is calling wives to is the same kind Jesus exhibited in relationship to His heavenly Father. It was done willingly and gladly. Paul told the Ephesians that wives were to submit to their husbands as if they were submitting to the Lord Himself.

Paul tells husbands to love their wives and never treat them harshly. In Ephesians, he takes it a step further, explaining that their love is to be like that of Christ’s for the church. Christ died for the church. He gave up His life so that we might live. And His objective was to be able to present a church that without spot, wrinkle, or any kind of blemish. So the kind of love to which Paul calls husbands is difficult, if not impossible. There is no doubt that most wives find it hard to submit to their husbands because they fail to love in the way that Christ did. Many men find it difficult to love their wives, because they refuse to acknowledge their God-ordained authority and responsibility as the heads of their households. And some of those same men have failed to take seriously that God-ordained authority and responsibility, turning over the reigns of their home to their wives. Keep in mind, all of this is to be done in a way that it is accompanied by tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Children are to obey their parents. Not just when it’s convenient or falls in line with their own desires, but at all times. In other words, always. They are to submit to their father and mother – willingly, gladly, humbly, and regularly. At the same time, fathers are not to aggravate their kids, driving them to despair or discouragement. Don’t irritate them, or arouse within them feelings of bitterness or resentment. Some fathers are experts at exasperating their children by setting up unfair or double standards. They say one thing and do another. They live lives of hypocrisy, demanding of their children what they are unwilling or unable to do themselves. That can be discouraging and defeating for a child.

Paul tells slaves, of which there were many in the New Testament church, to obey their masters in every area of their lives. Many of these slaves had come to faith in Christ and yet were still required to live as slaves in the society in which they lived. In some cases, they could have actually attended the same church as their owners. And Paul calls them to live as redeemed slaves, serving their masters out of reverence and fear for the Lord. They were to submit to their masters, working diligently and recognizing that their efforts were to be done with a degree of integrity and consistency, marked by a new nature provided by the indwelling Holy Spirit.

In Paul’s context, faith in Christ was to be lived out in the context in which one found themselves. He told the Corinthians, “Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you” (1 Corinthians 7:17 NLT). If you were a slave when you were saved, remain one. But be a redeemed, holy, set apart slave. If you were married, remain so. But live in such a way that God gets the glory. Submit, love, humble yourself, show mercy, extend kindness, and live in patience with one another. “Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ” (Colossians 3:24 NLT).

Father, this is difficult stuff. Living in submission, loving sacrificially and selflessly, obeying willingly, and serving faithfully are all hard things to do. But that is what it means to live differently and distinctively. You have called us to a higher standard, but You have also provided us with the Holy Spirit to equip and empower us to pull it off. So that at the end of the day, You get the glory. What a difference we would make in the world if we actually lived this way – in obedience to Your will and empowered by Your Spirit. Amen.

Ken Miller
Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org

Proverbs 22c

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The Desire of Every Parent.

“Direct your child onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” – Proverbs 22:6 NLT

This verse has been taught at every parenting seminar I have ever been to. It has been held up as a promise from the very Word of God that offers us a virtual guarantee of success in child-rearing if we just do our part well. But as a parent of six and as the youngest son of my own parents, I have found that this verse, while promising, is not exactly a promise. In fact, it is NOT a promise at all. Like all the other proverbs written or collected by Solomon, it is a universal truth. It is how God intended the world to work. But because of the fall and the presence of sin, things do not always turn out the way God intended or as we might want them to – regardless of how well we do at raising our children. But this does not change the reality that the best way is always God’s way. As Christ-followers, we are to raise our children according to God’s will and direct them on to the one path that leads to true life. In most translations, the first part of this verse uses the words, “train up a child.” The Hebrew idea behind this is that of dedication. It is used in the context of dedicating a house to God. So, in essence, we are to dedicate our children to God and give them over to Him for His use – teaching them to walk His path and live according to His will. This includes not only teaching them well, but modeling Christ-like behavior and obedience in front of them. It isn’t enough to simply teach them Bible stories and moralistic platitudes about honesty, sharing, truthfulness, and humility. As the old saying goes, when it comes to teaching more is caught than taught. Our kids will pick up the “godly life” by watching us live it more than they will by hearing us talk about it. When this verse says, “Direct your children onto the right path,” it is encouraging us as parents to live our lives in such a way that our children instinctively know which way to go from having watched us and followed us.
According to the Book of Proverbs, there are only two paths to life. There are only two ways for our children to go: The wise way or the foolish way. The way of righteousness or the way of wickedness. The way of the godly or the way of the godless. Because Proverbs uses the metaphor of the path so often, it fits in well here. It helps us understand that this verse is about a way of life, not just lessons for life. It is about a lifestyle choice. And it is a lifelong job. As parents, we are always training our children – even long after they are out of our house. We are still modeling godly behavior and directing them onto the right path long after they’re grown and gone. The verse says, “and when they are older, they will not leave it.” This conveys the idea that our job is never over and that the impact of our efforts are lifelong, not temporal. We may see our children wander off the path for a time, but we may also live to see them discover their way back our of the high weeds and into the light of God’s will. Our job is to keep training, modeling, and directing. We have to leave the results up to God. At the end of the day, if we have truly dedicated them to God, we must realize that it is He who will determine the outcome of their lives. Only He can reach their hearts and transform their character from the inside out. And while this Proverbs does not guarantee results, it does give us the assurance that if we are faithful to do our job, we can trust God to do His part. We can leave our children in His capable, loving, merciful hands.

Father, give me the stamina and determination to direct my children on to the right path and to do it faithfully, all throughout the years of their lives. Don’t let me take shortcuts or fail to model the godly lifestyle in front of them. Forgive me for taking complete responsibility for the way my children turn out and forgetting that only You can save my kids, and redeem, restore, and protect them. Amen.

Ken Miller

Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org

Proverbs 19d

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Father Versus Friend.

“Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.” – Proverbs 19:18 NLT

As the father of six children, I know a fair amount about raising kids. Notice I didn’t say I knew a lot about raising kids WELL. In thirty-plus years of parenting, I have made my fair share of mistakes, and I continue to make them. But one of the most significant battles I have faced as a father is the temptation to try and be my children’s best friend, rather than their father. Here’s how it looks. Any time I have let slide some less-than-acceptable behavior because I didn’t want to run the risk of making them mad at me, I have traded in being a father for being a friend. When I have refused to punish their actions because I wanted to avoid the confrontation, I have made friendship more important than fatherhood. And every time I have made being a friend to my kids the driving factor in our relationship, I have done them a disservice. My kids don’t need me to be their best buddy, they need me to be their dad. And sometimes that role requires me to discipline and train them. Turning a blind eye to their behavior is not love, it’s a form of child abuse. When I do it, I am allowing them to act in such a way that is unacceptable and potentially harmful to their future. The Proverbs call us to discipline our children while there is still hope. In other words, there is a window of opportunity in which we can instill into our kids the kind of discipline that will ultimately manifest itself in self-discipline. We are called to teach and train them. We are commanded to encourage them and, at times, admonish them. The desire to have them like me is a dangerous one. It seems so worthwhile and right. But how many times have we sacrificed their future well-being because we refused to teach them the consequences of their actions? That kind of parenting can ruin their lives. It makes them selfish and self-centered. It teaches them that the world revolves around them. It encourages them to become self-focused children who grow up to become self-absorbed, narcissistic adults.

Coddling and caving into our kids now will only ruin them later. We are called to be their parents, not their best friends. That doesn’t mean we don’t have to worry about whether our children like us or not. But it does mean that we may have to run the risk of making them angry at times in order to help make them godly. Giving in to their every whim is not good for them, but simply bad parenting. Over the years, I have often found myself refusing to discipline my children just because I didn’t want to be unpopular. I have stayed quiet when I should have spoken up. I have looked the other way when I have should have pointed out what I saw. I have avoided when I should have confronted. Parenting is a long-term commitment. If we focus on short-term gains, not only will we lose, so will our children. We need to view what we do as an investment that pays future dividends, not a quick-fix remedy that makes our kids happy for the moment. When we parent that way we aren’t doing our kids any favors. While our children may not appreciate our discipline now, a day is coming when they will look back and recognize our efforts with gratitude not regret.

Father, help me be faithful to remain firm in my role as the disciplinarian of my kids. Don’t let me sacrifice the long-term goals for short-term gains. But also make sure I always discipline in love, not anger. Amen.

Ken Miller

Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org

Proverbs 23c

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The True Joy of Parenting.

“The father of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise. So give your father and mother joy! May she who gave you birth be happy..” – Proverbs 23:24-25 NLT

Having been blessed with six wonderful children, Julie and I can say from experience that parenting is filled with all kinds of joy. We have experienced so much laughter and shared so many memories. And we continue to do so, even as they each grow older and move out from under our wings. Our children have made us laugh and smile. They have brought us so much happiness over the last 30-plus years that it seems that the time has literally flown by. But the older I get, the more I realize that the greatest joy any child can bring their parent is to turn out well. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, we want to see our children succeed in life. We want to see them as mature, healthy, whole adults. But as a parent who loves Christ, I know that the standard for success is not up to me. It has little to do with degree plans, career paths, car models or the neighborhood my child ends up living in. No, I know that the measure of success has much more to do with the heart, and it directly tied to their relationship with God. As a 57-year-old father of six, I am far less interested that my children make a lot of money, live in beautiful homes, or make six-figure incomes. While the world may say that is the measure of success, I have seen far too many individuals who have all that and more, live miserable, unhappy lives. They have achieved worldly success and missed out on what was truly important. Which is why Solomon says, “The father of godly children has cause for joy” (Proverbs 23:24a NLT). That man has a reason to rejoice. His children have turned out well. They have chosen to seek after and serve God. And as a result, they are wise. Solomon qualifies what a godly child looks like. “What a pleasure to have children who are wise” (Proverbs 23:24b NLT). You see, godliness and wisdom go hand in hand, because wisdom is a gift from God. Over in Proverbs 2, Solomon makes it clear, “For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest” (Proverbs 2:6-6 NLT). A wise child is one who has sought God. He has recognized that true wisdom is only available from one place, God. He has learned to make the pursuit of godly wisdom his highest priority. And he learned it from watching his own parents. He has grown up in a home where his parents sought the wisdom of God on a daily basis and lived it out in their daily lives. It was a full-time pastime for them. And it resulted in wisdom. Because as they sought the wisdom of God FROM God, He placed it directly into their hearts. “For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy” (Proverbs 2:10 NLT). God places His wisdom into our hearts and gives us the capacity to live wisely. We end up making wise, godly choices. We parent more wisely. We model marriage in front of our kids more wisely. We reveal a dependency on God that shows our children that this life is only lived in His strength and according to His terms, not ours.

As a parent, I long to see each of my children living wise, godly lives. While I want them to enjoy financial success, I know that it cannot bring them joy. No career will ever really fulfill them. No spouse will ever make them truly happy. If they lack the wisdom of God that allows them to see life through His eyes. So like Solomon, I plead with my children, “give me your heart. May your eyes take delight in following my ways” (Proverbs 23:26 NLT). But even as I type those words, I shudder, because it makes me realize how dangerous it is to invite your own children to follow YOUR ways. If they do as you do, will they end up wise? If they follow your example, will they become godly? Parenting is a great privilege and it carries tremendous responsibility. As the old saying goes, when it comes to raising children, “More is caught than taught.” They are constantly watching us, evaluating us, and copying our behavior. My wife has a favorite saying she has used over the years, and it is usually directed at me when my behavior has been less than appropriate in front of our children. She simple says, “What parents do in moderation, children do to excess.” In other words, those little acts of selfishness, indiscretion, inappropriateness, and ungodliness are lived out in the lives of our kids, but usually with a certain lack of discernment. They take it to the next level. They model our actions and end up living unwise, ungodly lives. So if I want to be the father of godly children, I must be a godly father. If I want to have wise children, I must pursue the wisdom of God and live it out in my home. Children are a blessing. Godly children are a joy. But they don’t just happen. It takes a constant pursuit of and dependence upon God.

Father, I so want to see my children living wise and godly lives as adults. I want them completely reliant upon You for all that they do. I have made a lot of mistakes over the years. I have not always modeled godliness well. But thank You for Your grace and forgiveness. Help me to use the time I have left to model the life of wisdom and godliness well, because we are never really done parenting. Amen.

Ken Miller

Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org

Proverbs 10d

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The Pleasure and Pain of Parenting.

“A wise child brings joy to a father; a foolish child brings grief to a mother.” – Proverbs 10:1 NLT

Parenting is hard work. It is not for the feint of heart or the weak of back. It requires incredible energy and fortitude, limitless endurance, boundless courage, and a certain degree of blind faith. Raising children is a huge responsibility that can intimidate the bravest of souls. It can make the strong weak in the knees and turn the most confident of men into sniveling, teary-eyed basket cases. But all the same, there is nothing more gratifying than to watch your children grow and mature, making the most of the gifts and abilities God has given them. It is a blessing to pour into their lives and see God use you in His grand scheme to mold them into the likeness of His Son. It does not always go well or even quite like you had imagined or dreamed. There are setbacks and heartaches along the way. Children have a mind and a will of their own, and their not afraid to use either one. They can be loving and frustrating. They can warm our hearts and try our patience. They can bring a smile to our faces and a tear to our eye – all within just a few minutes time span.

It seems that Solomon knew well the joys and sorrows of parenting. He talked about it a lot. And he dealt regularly with the topic of the foolish child. Here in verse one of Proverbs 10 he describes two different children. One is wise and the other is foolish. He says the wise child brings joy to his father. He makes him proud. But a foolish child makes his mother sad. He brings her to her knees in prayer and despair. The specific Hebrew word Solomon uses for fool is kecîyl and it means fool, stupid fellow or dullard. This is a very specific kind of fool. He is not talking about the simple fool, that child-like fool who, because of his young age, doesn’t know how to make good choices and lacks good judgment. No, Solomon is describing that individual who is stubborn, arrogant, and set in his or her ways. They reject the discipline of their parents and all authorities in their lives. They seem determined to make wrong choices. They are sensual fools, driven by their passions and obsessed with immediate gratification. They can’t deny themselves anything and lack the common sense to know better. These kind of children don’t just happen, they get this way over time. They are that innocent, young boy who one day turns out to be that insolent, rebellious teenager whose parents barely recognize him. He is lazy, unreliable, unteachable, and will ultimately be destroyed for his lack of common sense (Proverbs 10:21). They actually enjoy doing wrong (Proverbs 10:23), and make light of sin (Proverbs 10:10). What mother wouldn’t cry over a child like that?

So how do we keep our children from becoming sensual fools? The easy answer is that we expose them to the wisdom of God. We teach them the truth of God’s Word. We model what it means to fear God and honor Him with our actions. But in the end, their is no guarantee that our children will turn out perfectly. Proverb 22:6 says, “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” But that is not a promise. It is a proverb or wise saying. It is not a guarantee from God that our children will turn out well if we do out part. There are too many examples of train-wrecked lives to prove that not true. It is a calling to do our part as parents. We have a God-given responsibility to teach our children well, to point them to Christ and to model Christlikeness in front of them. But when it is all said and done, they each have a will of their own. They will each have to develop a faith of their own. They may make wrong choices. They may choose a different path. They may become a sensual fool and bring tears to the eyes of their mother. We can’t make godly children. Only God can do that. So with all our effort at parenting, we must never forget that we need God’s help. He alone can make our children wise. He alone can keep them on the right path. It is their relationship with God through Jesus Christ that will make them wise, not us. We have a part to play, but it is ultimately up to God. Turn them over to Him early in their lives. Place them in His hands for safe keeping. Do your job. Love on them. Teach them. Discipline them. But entrust them to God for their future well-being.

Father, thank You that I am not alone in this parenting thing. You have always been there for me. Any good in my children is totally due to You. I praise You for Your faithfulness to my family. You have each of my kids in Your hands. You will see them through. You have a plan for each of them and that plan will be perfectly fulfilled. Help me to trust You as I play my role as a father in their lives. Amen

Ken Miller
Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org

Proverbs 23

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Trust In the Lord.

“Don’t envy sinners, but always continue to fear the Lord. You will be rewarded for this; your hope will not be disappointed.” – Proverbs 23:17-18 NLT

Proverbs 23 contains a portion of the 30 wise sayings begun by Solomon in Proverbs 22. He prefaced his list with this explanation: “I am teaching you today – yes, you – so you will trust in the Lord. I have written thirty sayings for you, filled with advice and knowledge. In this way, you may know the truth…” (Proverbs 22:19-21 NLT). The majority of what follows are warnings of what NOT to do. Don’t rob the poor, don’t befriend angry people, don’t agree to guarantee another person’s debt, etc. Solomon calls all these sayings “the words of the wise.” He encourages us to “keep them in your heart and always ready on your lips.” At first glance, they simply seem to be common sense sayings that are based on good moral judgment and proper ethics. But in reality, they express the heart of God and the life of the man who knows and fears God. There are warnings against taking advantage of the poor who God cares for and will defend. There are warnings about allowing anything other than God to become your source of provision or pleasure. That is why he brings up eating with the wealthy, powerful and influential. Are we doing so in order to gain favor, to be part of the in-crowd, or pave our way to success? He warns against becoming so obsessed with wealth that you wear yourself in the pursuit of it. You run the risk of making money your god, expecting it to do for you what only God Himself can do. Throughout Proverbs 23, Solomon warns us about our relationships. He talks about dining with rulers, eating with the stingy, cheating our neighbors, counseling fools, disciplining children, envying sinners, partying with drunks, and soliciting prostitutes. Our earthly relationships are a very clear indicator of the kind of relationship we have with God. The godly discipline their children; are content rather than envious of others; turn to God for assistance rather than the wealthy, powerful and influential of this earth; practice self-control and use discernment in living their lives.

Solomon began his list with the statement, “I am teaching you today – yes, you – so you will trust in the Lord.” Many, if not all, of his warnings have to do with taking advantage of others in order to get ahead. They paint the picture of an individual who is obsessed with the people and things of this earth to satisfy his needs and desires. Solomon tells us to choose our relationships carefully – in the fear of the Lord. He tells us to control our physical appetites for food, wine and sex – in the fear of the Lord. He tells us to discipline our children – in the fear of the Lord. He tells us to commit ourselves to godly wisdom – in the fear of the Lord. At the heart of all our behavior should be a healthy fear of and respect for God. NOT doing these things will NOT produce godliness. We don’t do these things because we are godly. We belong to God. We are His children. We represent Him on this earth. We don’t live like the world. Over in the book of Titus, Paul writes, “For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God, while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed” (Titus 2:11-13 NLT). We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God. That is exactly what Solomon is talking about. Our fear of, love for, and devotion to God should determine our behavior on this planet, and reflect that we are His children.

Father, continue to teach me to live my life for You and not me. I want my life to be devoted to You in such a way that everyone around me can see it. I don’t want the things of this world to ever replace You in my life. Forgive me when I allow them to do so. Amen.

Ken Miller

Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org