More Is Caught Than Taught

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. – Titus 2:3-5 ESV

Having addressed the older men, Paul now addresses their counterparts, the older women. He uses the same Greek word he used earlier, but in its feminine gender: presbytis. He is specifically speaking to believing women within the churches who had years of experience to offer and whose lives should be models to all those around them, especially the younger women in the church.

In the day and age when Paul wrote this letter, the elderly were considered worthy of respect and treated with honor. They were considered to be wise because of their longevity of life. The Proverbs taught that “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life” (Proverbs 16:31 ESV). Having lived a long life was considered a sign of God’s blessing and evidence of wisdom. “The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair” (Proverbs 20:29 ESV).

But Paul was expecting more from these women. He desired that their lives reflect the wisdom that comes with age, but also the spiritual maturity that comes from knowing Christ. First, he addresses their behavior, calling them to live reverent lives. The Greek actually reads, “that they be in behavior as becometh holiness.” Their lifestyle was to match their calling by God. Their daily deportment was to reflect their having been set apart by God for His use. Paul put it this way to the believers in Ephesus:

I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. – Ephesians 4:1 NLT

He told the believers in Philippi the very same thing.

…you must live as citizens of heaven, conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ. – Philippians 1:27 NLT

These older women had the experience that comes with age, but they also had the maturity to understand that their relationship with Christ was to make a difference in the way they lived their lives. And just to make sure they understood what he meant, Paul gave them some examples of the kind of behavior to avoid. They were not to be slanderers. The Greek is mē diabolos, and it was used to refer to false accusers. One of the names used of Satan was diabolos or devil, and Jesus used when referring to his lying nature. He told the religious leaders:

You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. – John 8:44 ESV

Satan is the father or source of all lies. And when Paul commands that the older women in the church refrain from slander, he is referring to something far worse than mere gossip. He is addressing the very dangerous reality of believers leveling false accusations against one another or spreading false rumors designed to harm the reputation of others. The book of Revelation makes it clear that this kind of behavior is evidence of Satan’s influence, not that of the Holy Spirit.

And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world—he was thrown down to the earth … the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. – Revelation 12:9, 10 ESV

There is no such thing as idle gossip. It is extremely active and, while it can be devastating to the reputation of others, it can also spread like cancer, infecting an entire congregation with a spirit of judgment based on lies.

Secondly, these older women were to manage their intake of wine. It would appear that over-consumption of wine was a problem among the churches on Crete because Paul had addressed it multiple times. The Greek word Paul used is douloō, and it was most commonly used of a slave. These women were not to allow themselves to become enslaved or addicted to wine, because the end result of that kind of behavior was anything but good. And Paul made that point quite clear to the believers in Ephesus.

Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit. – Ephesians 5:18 NLT

On a positive note, Paul tells them that they are to “teach what is good.” This is one word in the Greek: kalodidaskalos, and it literally means “teacher of goodness.” Their lives were to be a living testimony to the goodness of godliness. This is less a command that these women verbally teach than that they visibly portray what it means to be a believer in Jesus Christ. As the old saying goes, “more is caught than taught.” Our actions tend to speak volumes and what we say means nothing if it fails to influence the way we live.

Paul insists that the older women were to teach their younger peers “to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands” (Titus 2:4 ESV). But what would be the most effective means of infusing these characteristics into the lives of the younger women in the church? The daily modeling of them by the older women in the church. Telling a woman that she needs to love her husband and children is far less impactful than showing her how it is done. The power of example is irreplaceable. And Paul provides a list of positive qualities that he expected these older women to model for their younger counterparts.

First on the list is self-control. This is the very same word Paul used when addressing the older men in the church. It has to do with “curbing one’s desires and impulses,” and the power to accomplish it comes from the indwelling Spirit of God.

Secondly, the older women were to model purity. The Greek word Paul used comes from the word for holiness. Their lives were to reflect their having been set-apart by God for His use and His glory. Every area of their lives was to reflect their holiness before God, showing up in modesty, sexual purity, and behavior that won them the reverent respect of others in the church, especially the younger women.

Next, Paul emphasizes that they model diligence and dedication to their families. That seems to be the point of his phrase, “working at home.” This is not, as some have interpreted it, a prohibition against women working outside of the home. But it is a call for women to care for their households well. Paul would have been very familiar with the Proverb concerning the faithful working woman, wife, and mother

She carefully watches everything in her household
    and suffers nothing from laziness.

Her children stand and bless her.
    Her husband praises her… – Proverbs 31:27-28 NLT

The rest of that Proverbs makes it clear that the woman being praised was a working woman. She had a business and many responsibilities outside the home, but she did not neglect the affairs of her household. She was a woman who worked hard at all that she did, including managing the needs of her husband and children. In fact, she used her business outside of the home to impact that well-being of those within her home. So, Paul is demanding that the older women in the church model what it looks like to be godly wives who use their God-given talents and abilities to care for their families. A job or responsibility that draws a woman away from the care of her household is to be avoided at all costs. Marriage and the family are God-ordained institutions, and He holds them in high regard. He will not tolerate anyone, man or woman, who places their career or personal pursuits ahead of the well-being of their family.

Finally, Paul calls on the older women to model what it means to be kind and submissive to their husbands. While the first word is understandable and even acceptable to most, the second word carries a lot of weight. It has been given a bad rap in our society, conveying a false sense of subjugation and subservience. But that is not what Paul had in mind. The Greek word Paul used it hypotassō, and it refers to a willing coming under another. It is the very same word Paul used in his letter to the church in Ephesus when he demanded that they “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21 NLT). Jesus Himself modeled this kind of submission by willingly and gladly sacrificing His will for that of God the Father.

This has nothing to do with worth or value. But it has everything to do with modeling Christ-likeness. Paul describes the attitude that Christ had:

Though he was God,
    he did not think of equality with God
    as something to cling to.

Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
    he took the humble position of a slave
    and was born as a human being. – Philippians 2:6-7 NLT

It was likely that many of the women in the churches on Crete had come to faith in Christ apart from their husbands. And they ran the risk of seeing themselves as somehow better than their husbands because of their newfound relationship with Christ. They were redeemed, and their husbands were not. They were new creations, and their husbands remained in their sinful state. And Paul wanted them to know that the best way to influence their husbands would be through humble, willing submission to their mate’s spiritual good, not through a willful demand of respect or recognition of their new status in Christ.

And for Paul, the whole point behind all of this was “that the word of God may not be reviled.” His greatest fear was that the integrity of the gospel message would be maligned by the way the believers on Crete lived their lives. And he held the older women responsible for living out Christ-likeness in front of the younger women in the church and, in so doing, teaching by example what it means to be truly saved.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.s

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

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Living Proof

19 I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, so that I too may be cheered by news of you. 20 For I have no one like him, who will be genuinely concerned for your welfare. 21 For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. 22 But you know Timothy’s proven worth, how as a son with a father he has served with me in the gospel. 23 I hope therefore to send him just as soon as I see how it will go with me, 24 and I trust in the Lord that shortly I myself will come also.

25 I have thought it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus my brother and fellow worker and fellow soldier, and your messenger and minister to my need, 26 for he has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill. 27 Indeed he was ill, near to death. But God had mercy on him, and not only on him but on me also, lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow. 28 I am the more eager to send him, therefore, that you may rejoice at seeing him again, and that I may be less anxious. 29 So receive him in the Lord with all joy, and honor such men, 30 for he nearly died for the work of Christ, risking his life to complete what was lacking in your service to me. – Philippians 2:19-30 ESV

Suddenly and somewhat surprisingly, Paul goes from talking directly to the congregation in Philippi to mentioning two individuals who, at first glance, seem to have no relationship whatsoever with the church there. On closer examination it becomes clear that both Timothy and Epaphroditus were well-known to the believers in Philippi. Epaphroditus was actually a resident of the city and member of the local congregation. He had been sent by the church to Rome, where he ended up ministering to Paul during his time under house arrest. Paul refers to him as “your messenger and minister to my need” (Philippians 2:25 ESV). Later on, in chapter 4, Paul refers to the gifts that Epaphroditus had brought with him on behalf of the church in Philippi. And, evidently, Epaphroditus had been the one to deliver Paul’s letter, having been sent back to Philippi after his recovery from a life-threatening illness.

And as far as Timothy is concerned, he had been with Paul and Silas when they first arrived in Philippi on their missionary journey. The book of Acts reveals that Paul had met Timothy when visiting the cities of Lystra and Derby.

Paul came also to Derbe and to Lystra. A disciple was there, named Timothy, the son of a Jewish woman who was a believer, but his father was a Greek. He was well spoken of by the brothers at Lystra and Iconium. Paul wanted Timothy to accompany him, and he took him and circumcised him because of the Jews who were in those places, for they all knew that his father was a Greek. – Acts 16:1-3 ESV

Paul wanted the church in Philippi to know that he intended to send Timothy to them as his personal representative and so that Timothy might deliver back to Paul a report concerning the conditions within their local fellowship.

I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, so that I too may be cheered by news of you. Philippians 2:19 ESV

But why does Paul bring up these two young men at this point in his letter? What was his reasoning for switching from a very personal call to the body of Christ in Philippi to live in unity and humility in a city filled with intense darkness and twisted moral standards?

I believe there are two things at work here. First, Paul wants his brothers and sisters to know that he is thinking about them and that, even in his absence, he is sending others to assist them in their faith journey. He is not abandoning them.

But there is another and somewhat more subtle point being made here. Paul is using these two young men as examples to the flock in Philippi. Paul has been talking about the task of the church working out its salvation with fear and trembling. He has been calling them to live lives marked by blamelessness and innocence. And now he brings up these two men he has come to know and love.

In these verses, Paul gives a glimpse into the lives of two men who meant a great deal to him. They were his brothers in Christ and his fellow workers in the mission to which God had called him. Timothy and Epaphroditus, while not household names to most of us, were icons of spiritual virtue in Paul’s mind. He couldn’t have done what he did without them. And he commends both of them to the believers in Philippi as men whom they could not only trust but emulate. Both were likely younger men than Paul, but that didn’t stop him from praising their value and virtues as men of God.

Paul described Timothy as a one-of-a-kind individual who showed genuine care for the people in Philippi. He didn’t view his efforts on their behalf as work but legitimately cared for their spiritual, emotional and physical well-being. Paul then describes what appears to be a consistent problem among leadership within the early church at that time. “All the others care only for themselves and not for what matters to Jesus Christ” (Philippians 2:21 NLT). I don’t think Paul was intimating that there was no one else who cared in Philippi, but that there was a prevailing presence of self-centeredness among many within the church, especially among the leadership. Sadly, It was a rare thing to find a believer who put the interests of Christ before his own. Timothy was such a man. Timothy had served Paul well and had become like a son to him. Paul even referred to Timothy as “my true son in the faith” (1 Timothy 1:2 NLT). He was a faithful, loving, reliable, and godly young man who modeled Christ-likeness and ministered faithfully alongside Paul even in his darkest moments. He was a real man.

Paul describes Epaphroditus as “a true brother, co-worker, and fellow soldier” (Philippians 2:25 NLT). And by sending Epaphroditus back to them, Paul was making a personal sacrifice, because he knew Epaphroditus was anxious to see his friends and fellow believers back home. This kind and generous young man wanted to put to rest any concerns over his physical well-being, by making a personal appearance and proving to his fellow church members that he had fully recovered. Upon Paul encourages the believers in Philippi to “welcome him with Christian love and with great joy, and give him the honor that people like him deserve” (Philippians 2:29 NLT). Obviously, Paul thought highly of Epaphroditus. He had risked his life for the cause of Christ, having been close to death, all to serve Paul while he was imprisoned in Rome.

Paul appreciated and valued men like Timothy and Epaphroditus. He knew that he could not accomplish the ministry without them. He was under house arrest, unable to travel, and restricted from ministering to the various churches he had helped plant around the world. He had to depend on faithful men like Timothy and Epaphroditus to be his hands, feet, eyes, and voice; delivering his messages and expressing his love for the body of Christ.

The church today needs men and women of character like Timothy and Epaphroditus. There is a shortage of reliable, faithful, loving and selfless individuals who put the needs of the body of Christ ahead of their own. Paul knew that men like Timothy were going to be constantly tempted to compromise their character, and the same thing is true in our day. So Paul warned this young man, “But you, Timothy, are a man of God; so run from all these evil things. Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have confessed so well before many witnesses” (1 Timothy 6:11-12 NLT).

The church still needs men and women who have that same attitude and focus. The body of Christ needs to raise up and recognize those kinds of leaders, both men, and women, who are willing to risk their reputations, careers, comfort, and even their lives, for the cause of Christ. While men like Paul were vital to the church in those early days, the spread of the Gospel was dependent upon individuals like Timothy and Epaphroditus for its long-term survival and success. They were the faithful foot soldiers in the battle for the gospel, and we need more like them today.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

Follow the Servant-Leader.

Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ. – 1 Corinthians 11:1 ESV

If we didn’t know much about Paul, this simple statement could come across as little more than prideful arrogance. It sounds a lot like someone with an over-inflated sense of spiritual self-worth. But this is the same Paul who said, “‘Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners’ – and I am the worst of them all” (1 Timothy 1:15 NLT). He knew he was far from perfect and had a flawed past. “I am the least of all the apostles. In fact, I’m not even worthy to be called an apostle after the way I persecuted God’s church” (1 Corinthians 15:9 NLT). At one point, he even referred to himself as “the very least of all the saints” (Ephesians 3:8 ESV). So Paul was far from a braggart. He wasn’t one to boast of his spiritual superiority or set himself up as some kind of icon of virtue. He was honest about his short-comings and always transparent about his life being a work in process.

I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. – Philippians 3:12-14 NLT

So how could Paul have the audacity to say, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ”? How could he set himself up as an example to follow? Wouldn’t it have been more appropriate for him to simply say, “Imitate Christ”? Shouldn’t He be our focus, and not Paul? But it is essential that we not take this verse out of its context. For three chapters Paul has been dealing with an issue within the body of Christ in Corinth involving the eating of meat sacrificed to idols. Most of what he has addressed has had to do with the legitimate rights of believers and their freedom in Christ. But his point of emphasis has been that their rights were never to trump their obligation to live compassionately and sacrificially among their fellow believers, as well as the lost. First and foremost, their goal should be the glory of God and the spiritual good of those around them. In order for the gospel to be lived out and spread about, it will require that they die to themselves. Their rights will have to take a back seat to the will of God and the spiritual well-being of others. And Paul has used himself as an example of that very lifestyle. “Don’t give offense to Jews or Gentiles or the church of God. I, too, try to please everyone in everything I do. I don’t just do what is best for me; I do what is best for others so that many may be saved” (1 Corinthians 10:32-33 NLT). Then he follows up this statement with his call, “And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1 NLT).

Unlike the original 12 disciples, we don’t have the benefit of having seen Christ with our own two eyes. We have not been privileged to watch Him work, hear Him teach or witness His selfless lifestyle firsthand. On the very night He would be betrayed, He washed the feet of the disciples, then said to them: “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you” (John 13:12-15 ESV). This was not about washing feet, but about servant leadership. Jesus was their teacher and Lord, and yet He was willing to set aside His rights and privileges to serve them. He willingly stooped down and washed their filthy feet, rather than rightfully demanding that they wash His. Jesus went on to tell them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him” (John 13:16 ESV). He was telling His disciples that they, His servants and messengers, were not to view themselves as somehow better than Him, unwilling to serve like He served and sacrifice as He sacrificed. They were to follow His example and serve those to whom He would send them.

It was the apostle John who wrote, “By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked” (1 John 2:5-6 ESV). So in a sense, we are to emulate or imitate Christ. We are to walk as He walked. But at the same time, if that is the way we live our lives, we should be able to call others to follow our example. In doing so, we are not claiming to have arrived at Christ-like perfection, but that we are faithfully attempting to live our lives in keeping with the example of Christ. Paul knew that his rights were never to stand in the way of the gospel, because He knew that Jesus had never let His will get in the way of His Father’s divine plan for His life and for mankind’s redemption. On the night of His betrayal and arrest, as Jesus prayed in the garden, He pleaded with His Father, “if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Luke 22:42 NLT). In His humanity, Jesus dreaded the pain and suffering He was about to face. His human nature was no more a fan of pain than your would be. But His divinity knew that He must accomplish the will of His Father, even though it meant that He must give His life. And Paul reminds us that, “being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:8 ESV).

Paul was willing to follow the example of Christ. He was willing to die if necessary for the sake of the gospel. And even if God did not require his life, Paul was willing to give up his rights and privileges to see that others came to know Christ. He was willing to sacrifice anything and everything to see that believers in Christ grew in their knowledge of Him and in their likeness to Him. They say imitation is the greatest form of flattery. So when we imitate Christ, we honor Him. And when we invite others to imitate our lives, we are taking a huge risk. We are telling them that they can do as we do and say as we say, because we are simply following the example of Christ Himself. And it all begins with sacrificial service and selfless love, putting the needs of others ahead of our own.

1 Corinthians 4

Do As I Say and Do.

1 Corinthians 4

So I urge you to imitate me. – 1 Corinthians 4:16 NLT

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But having someone imitate your behavior can also be painfully embarrassing. When our children were younger, my wife had a favorite expression she liked to use whenever one of them did something that was less than appropriate. She would utter the words, “What parents do in moderation, children do to excess.” Her point? She was trying to not-so-subtly say that their behavior was the result of watching us and attempting to mirror our actions – without the benefit of discernment, tact, or common sense. Now I have to admit that this little mantra was usually aimed at me. It was her way of letting me know that my negative behavior was having an impact on the children. And while much of what I was doing was not necessarily bad, it was encouraging our children to follow my lead. So if they heard daddy speak sarcastically and garner a laugh, they saw no reason why they shouldn’t be able to do the same thing. If they heard daddy make excuses for not having done something he said he was going to do, it was only natural for them to assume it was perfectly acceptable for them to do likewise. But inevitably, their behavior would take it to the next level, fueled by their own immaturity and foolishness. Yet when confronted, they would usually plead, “But daddy does it!”

That’s why this very short verse in chapter four of 1 Corinthians has always bothered me. It contains what appears to be a very prideful statement from the lips of Paul. Yet I believe Paul is highly sincere and anything but boastful when he tells the Corinthian believers, “I urge you to imitate me.” I find it hard to read those words and not ask myself the question, “Would I ever dare to say the same thing?” If I did and someone took me up on the challenge, what would their behavior reveal? Would I be pleased or embarrassed? Would their imitation of me be the sincerest form of flattery or a painful indictment of my own sinfulness?

Paul’s statement seems brash, arrogant and prideful. But he was simply confident that his life really was worth imitating. He was ready and willing to have the Lord examine his life and judge whether his heart was in the right place and his actions worthy of emulation. His concern was for the Corinthian believers. They had become prideful. They had divided into cliques and personality cults built around the various leaders who had contributed to their spiritual well-being. Some were fans of Paul. Others were fans of Apollos. The result was a growing sense of superiority and spiritual elitism. Paul praises them, but completely tongue in cheek. “You think you already have everything you need. You think you are already rich. You have begun to reign in God’s kingdom without us!” (1 Corinthians 4:8 NLT). These people had become self-satisfied, cocky and divisive. So Paul used himself as a contrast. He compared himself to them, exposing the stark difference in their attitudes and actions. While they saw themselves as wise in Christ, he knew that his dedication to Christ resulted in him looking like a fool. While they longed to be honored, he faced ridicule. He regularly went without food, lacked enough clothes to keep himself warm in winter, had no home and worked tirelessly to pay his own way. He patiently took abuse, uttered blessings when cursed, and when lied about, he responded with gentleness, not anger.

When Paul says, “Imitate me,” he is not being prideful. He sincerely wants them to take him up on his offer. In essence, Paul is not only telling them to “do as I say,” but to “do as I do.” In Paul’s way of thinking, talk was cheap. Words had to be backed up by action. “For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk, it is living by God’s power” (1 Corinthians 4:20 NLT). There is a quote, erroneously attributed to Saint Francis of Assisi, but a good quote nonetheless, that goes something like this: “Preach the gospel, and if necessary, use words.” Our lives should be living proof of God’s transformative power in our lives. Our actions should reveal that our attitudes are being changed by God. Our behavior should be evidence of transformed hearts. Paul had no problem inviting others to imitate his behavior. But not because he was perfect. He was a work in progress. He had not yet arrived. But he was constantly making an effort to seek after Christ in his life. He was humbly submitting to the will of God and the direction of the Spirit. He kept his eyes on the goal, realizing that he was a messenger for God, a steward of the Gospel and a servant of the Kingdom with a job to accomplish. He was to be a living, breathing example of what true life change was all about. And so are we.

Father, while my life is far from perfect and I often do things that I would not want anyone to imitate, I am trying to pursue the Christ life on a daily basis. I am trying to make Your will my will. I am trying to learn to lean more on You and less on me. I am attempting to make Your Kingdom my focus and not the things of this world. I want my life to be a living example of what it means to be a follower of Christ. Please continue Your work in my life so that I might be able to say to others, “Imitate me.” Amen.

Ken Miller
Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org

Proverbs 23c

The True Joy of Parenting.

“The father of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise. So give your father and mother joy! May she who gave you birth be happy..” – Proverbs 23:24-25 NLT

Having been blessed with six wonderful children, Julie and I can say from experience that parenting is filled with all kinds of joy. We have experienced so much laughter and shared so many memories. And we continue to do so, even as they each grow older and move out from under our wings. Our children have made us laugh and smile. They have brought us so much happiness over the last 30-plus years that it seems that the time has literally flown by. But the older I get, the more I realize that the greatest joy any child can bring their parent is to turn out well. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, we want to see our children succeed in life. We want to see them as mature, healthy, whole adults. But as a parent who loves Christ, I know that the standard for success is not up to me. It has little to do with degree plans, career paths, car models or the neighborhood my child ends up living in. No, I know that the measure of success has much more to do with the heart, and it directly tied to their relationship with God. As a 57-year-old father of six, I am far less interested that my children make a lot of money, live in beautiful homes, or make six-figure incomes. While the world may say that is the measure of success, I have seen far too many individuals who have all that and more, live miserable, unhappy lives. They have achieved worldly success and missed out on what was truly important. Which is why Solomon says, “The father of godly children has cause for joy” (Proverbs 23:24a NLT). That man has a reason to rejoice. His children have turned out well. They have chosen to seek after and serve God. And as a result, they are wise. Solomon qualifies what a godly child looks like. “What a pleasure to have children who are wise” (Proverbs 23:24b NLT). You see, godliness and wisdom go hand in hand, because wisdom is a gift from God. Over in Proverbs 2, Solomon makes it clear, “For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest” (Proverbs 2:6-6 NLT). A wise child is one who has sought God. He has recognized that true wisdom is only available from one place, God. He has learned to make the pursuit of godly wisdom his highest priority. And he learned it from watching his own parents. He has grown up in a home where his parents sought the wisdom of God on a daily basis and lived it out in their daily lives. It was a full-time pastime for them. And it resulted in wisdom. Because as they sought the wisdom of God FROM God, He placed it directly into their hearts. “For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy” (Proverbs 2:10 NLT). God places His wisdom into our hearts and gives us the capacity to live wisely. We end up making wise, godly choices. We parent more wisely. We model marriage in front of our kids more wisely. We reveal a dependency on God that shows our children that this life is only lived in His strength and according to His terms, not ours.

As a parent, I long to see each of my children living wise, godly lives. While I want them to enjoy financial success, I know that it cannot bring them joy. No career will ever really fulfill them. No spouse will ever make them truly happy. If they lack the wisdom of God that allows them to see life through His eyes. So like Solomon, I plead with my children, “give me your heart. May your eyes take delight in following my ways” (Proverbs 23:26 NLT). But even as I type those words, I shudder, because it makes me realize how dangerous it is to invite your own children to follow YOUR ways. If they do as you do, will they end up wise? If they follow your example, will they become godly? Parenting is a great privilege and it carries tremendous responsibility. As the old saying goes, when it comes to raising children, “More is caught than taught.” They are constantly watching us, evaluating us, and copying our behavior. My wife has a favorite saying she has used over the years, and it is usually directed at me when my behavior has been less than appropriate in front of our children. She simple says, “What parents do in moderation, children do to excess.” In other words, those little acts of selfishness, indiscretion, inappropriateness, and ungodliness are lived out in the lives of our kids, but usually with a certain lack of discernment. They take it to the next level. They model our actions and end up living unwise, ungodly lives. So if I want to be the father of godly children, I must be a godly father. If I want to have wise children, I must pursue the wisdom of God and live it out in my home. Children are a blessing. Godly children are a joy. But they don’t just happen. It takes a constant pursuit of and dependence upon God.

Father, I so want to see my children living wise and godly lives as adults. I want them completely reliant upon You for all that they do. I have made a lot of mistakes over the years. I have not always modeled godliness well. But thank You for Your grace and forgiveness. Help me to use the time I have left to model the life of wisdom and godliness well, because we are never really done parenting. Amen.

Ken Miller

Grow Pastor & Minister to Men
kenm@christchapelbc.org