More Is Caught Than Taught

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. – Titus 2:3-5 ESV

Having addressed the older men, Paul now addresses their counterparts, the older women. He uses the same Greek word he used earlier, but in its feminine gender: presbytis. He is specifically speaking to believing women within the churches who had years of experience to offer and whose lives should be models to all those around them, especially the younger women in the church.

In the day and age when Paul wrote this letter, the elderly were considered worthy of respect and treated with honor. They were considered to be wise because of their longevity of life. The Proverbs taught that “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life” (Proverbs 16:31 ESV). Having lived a long life was considered a sign of God’s blessing and evidence of wisdom. “The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair” (Proverbs 20:29 ESV).

But Paul was expecting more from these women. He desired that their lives reflect the wisdom that comes with age, but also the spiritual maturity that comes from knowing Christ. First, he addresses their behavior, calling them to live reverent lives. The Greek actually reads, “that they be in behavior as becometh holiness.” Their lifestyle was to match their calling by God. Their daily deportment was to reflect their having been set apart by God for His use. Paul put it this way to the believers in Ephesus:

I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. – Ephesians 4:1 NLT

He told the believers in Philippi the very same thing.

…you must live as citizens of heaven, conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ. – Philippians 1:27 NLT

These older women had the experience that comes with age, but they also had the maturity to understand that their relationship with Christ was to make a difference in the way they lived their lives. And just to make sure they understood what he meant, Paul gave them some examples of the kind of behavior to avoid. They were not to be slanderers. The Greek is mē diabolos, and it was used to refer to false accusers. One of the names used of Satan was diabolos or devil, and Jesus used when referring to his lying nature. He told the religious leaders:

You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. – John 8:44 ESV

Satan is the father or source of all lies. And when Paul commands that the older women in the church refrain from slander, he is referring to something far worse than mere gossip. He is addressing the very dangerous reality of believers leveling false accusations against one another or spreading false rumors designed to harm the reputation of others. The book of Revelation makes it clear that this kind of behavior is evidence of Satan’s influence, not that of the Holy Spirit.

And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world—he was thrown down to the earth … the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. – Revelation 12:9, 10 ESV

There is no such thing as idle gossip. It is extremely active and, while it can be devastating to the reputation of others, it can also spread like cancer, infecting an entire congregation with a spirit of judgment based on lies.

Secondly, these older women were to manage their intake of wine. It would appear that over-consumption of wine was a problem among the churches on Crete because Paul had addressed it multiple times. The Greek word Paul used is douloō, and it was most commonly used of a slave. These women were not to allow themselves to become enslaved or addicted to wine, because the end result of that kind of behavior was anything but good. And Paul made that point quite clear to the believers in Ephesus.

Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit. – Ephesians 5:18 NLT

On a positive note, Paul tells them that they are to “teach what is good.” This is one word in the Greek: kalodidaskalos, and it literally means “teacher of goodness.” Their lives were to be a living testimony to the goodness of godliness. This is less a command that these women verbally teach than that they visibly portray what it means to be a believer in Jesus Christ. As the old saying goes, “more is caught than taught.” Our actions tend to speak volumes and what we say means nothing if it fails to influence the way we live.

Paul insists that the older women were to teach their younger peers “to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands” (Titus 2:4 ESV). But what would be the most effective means of infusing these characteristics into the lives of the younger women in the church? The daily modeling of them by the older women in the church. Telling a woman that she needs to love her husband and children is far less impactful than showing her how it is done. The power of example is irreplaceable. And Paul provides a list of positive qualities that he expected these older women to model for their younger counterparts.

First on the list is self-control. This is the very same word Paul used when addressing the older men in the church. It has to do with “curbing one’s desires and impulses,” and the power to accomplish it comes from the indwelling Spirit of God.

Secondly, the older women were to model purity. The Greek word Paul used comes from the word for holiness. Their lives were to reflect their having been set-apart by God for His use and His glory. Every area of their lives was to reflect their holiness before God, showing up in modesty, sexual purity, and behavior that won them the reverent respect of others in the church, especially the younger women.

Next, Paul emphasizes that they model diligence and dedication to their families. That seems to be the point of his phrase, “working at home.” This is not, as some have interpreted it, a prohibition against women working outside of the home. But it is a call for women to care for their households well. Paul would have been very familiar with the Proverb concerning the faithful working woman, wife, and mother

She carefully watches everything in her household
    and suffers nothing from laziness.

Her children stand and bless her.
    Her husband praises her… – Proverbs 31:27-28 NLT

The rest of that Proverbs makes it clear that the woman being praised was a working woman. She had a business and many responsibilities outside the home, but she did not neglect the affairs of her household. She was a woman who worked hard at all that she did, including managing the needs of her husband and children. In fact, she used her business outside of the home to impact that well-being of those within her home. So, Paul is demanding that the older women in the church model what it looks like to be godly wives who use their God-given talents and abilities to care for their families. A job or responsibility that draws a woman away from the care of her household is to be avoided at all costs. Marriage and the family are God-ordained institutions, and He holds them in high regard. He will not tolerate anyone, man or woman, who places their career or personal pursuits ahead of the well-being of their family.

Finally, Paul calls on the older women to model what it means to be kind and submissive to their husbands. While the first word is understandable and even acceptable to most, the second word carries a lot of weight. It has been given a bad rap in our society, conveying a false sense of subjugation and subservience. But that is not what Paul had in mind. The Greek word Paul used it hypotassō, and it refers to a willing coming under another. It is the very same word Paul used in his letter to the church in Ephesus when he demanded that they “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21 NLT). Jesus Himself modeled this kind of submission by willingly and gladly sacrificing His will for that of God the Father.

This has nothing to do with worth or value. But it has everything to do with modeling Christ-likeness. Paul describes the attitude that Christ had:

Though he was God,
    he did not think of equality with God
    as something to cling to.

Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
    he took the humble position of a slave
    and was born as a human being. – Philippians 2:6-7 NLT

It was likely that many of the women in the churches on Crete had come to faith in Christ apart from their husbands. And they ran the risk of seeing themselves as somehow better than their husbands because of their newfound relationship with Christ. They were redeemed, and their husbands were not. They were new creations, and their husbands remained in their sinful state. And Paul wanted them to know that the best way to influence their husbands would be through humble, willing submission to their mate’s spiritual good, not through a willful demand of respect or recognition of their new status in Christ.

And for Paul, the whole point behind all of this was “that the word of God may not be reviled.” His greatest fear was that the integrity of the gospel message would be maligned by the way the believers on Crete lived their lives. And he held the older women responsible for living out Christ-likeness in front of the younger women in the church and, in so doing, teaching by example what it means to be truly saved.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.s

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

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